caboblanco

I have noticed that without alcohol people seem a lot more unfriendly. Im not a big social person, but when I was drinking i could bs with random people at will and it seemed they were always nice in return. Im a little bit paranoid in my sobriety. I don't have that social lubricant and new faces always seem negative to me. I start thinking in my head what they think of me and I get more anxious. It almost seems like I see all the dirty faces now and when I was drinking I didn't notice or I perceived them different faces. Is anyone else getting tired of social situations sober or just doesn't enjoy them anymore?

Dee74

Maybe you're like me and you never really enjoyed them all that much Cabo, and that's where the alcohol came in?

I have a small quiet social group now - bliss

D

caboblanco

yeah Dee I used alcohol for that. If I was going somewhere like a social event and I didn't really want to go. I moved my best friends all live far away now. I know I have to be social. I have to force myself. I can't be a hermit

EndGameNYC

Yeah, I imagined myself socially adept and an easy person to get along with when I was drinking. I learned over time that most people were only being polite and merely tolerating my company.

Junegirl

It's the opposite for me. I smile randomly because I'm so relaxed and happy since I got sober that strangers actually say hi and even come up to me and tell me I have a nice smile. And I live in what many people consider to be one of the least friendly cities in the U.S.
Try a little smile (not a big goofy grin like I probably have. Lol) and see how people react to you. Research shows that even faking a smile will make you feel happier, and you'll project that to people around you, which will come back to you.

Junegirl

soberlicious

I'm much more social now than when I drank. Well, I was social then but I wasn't socially appropriate. One minute I'd be whoopin it up laughing, then next sobbing and slurring, or picking a fight with someone, or getting kicked out of a bar, or carried out...

I love to socialize...big groups or small. It's so nice to remember it all too.

tomsteve

theres a difference between being a hermit and being an introvert.

theres also a difference between being social and being sociable.

like dee, I didnt like them to begin with.

if I cant be happy by myself, no amount of people around me will make me happy.

davaidavai

Your post has a funny and engaging title that you'd probably be surprised how many people don't get. Speaking for myself, I need to be more involved with creative people. I recognize this. The times I am happy with people are the times when I'm riffing on something, discussing an idea. Very ocassionally, I'll find one with whom I will feel totally myself. It's strange though how diminished you can feel with the wrong person. I recognize that I hammer those situations too much, try to make them better, when the best I could possibly hope for is cordiality and silence. It's strange though how some people shouldn't be engaged.

I forced myself for months and now I'm in a demoralized retreating stage. Next round I plan to better target the social situations I force myself into. It's always been very random and indescriminate. I think most people with happy social lives are much more discerning than I have been about these things.

soberlicious

faces look ugly when you're alone/women seem wicked when you're unwanted/streets are uneven when you're down...haha! I heard Jim Morrison right away when I read the title.

Junegirl

Hahaha, Sober! I heard Jim Morrison right away too! And now I keep hearing it and will for another three days or so.
When you're strange, faces come outta the rain, when you're strange, when you're strange...
Great song.

June

soberlicious

Lol now it's stuck in my head too junegirl...

KittyH

What I LOVE about this is that the person (singer) simply feels strange as a normal state. I can relate to that. But strange is also beautiful (art) and deep (poetry and music). Never try to resolve your 'strangeness" because that is who you are and you should NEVER have to explain or change that !! Just my opinion but maybe you are feeling that way because you are projecting on to them some inferiority feelings of your own ?!? I do that sometimes and have to tell myself that there is NO telling what is actually going on in their minds or lives at that moment and it really may have absolutely NOTHING to do with YOU !!! My mother used to tell me that I had a problem with thinking that the world revolved around ME everyday all the time........... it hurt like hell when she said it but many many years later I realized what she meant. Its easy to get so wrapped up in ourselves and our own thoughts and lives that we fail to see the world revolving all by itself with or without us and each day and moment is another chance to smile at someone or put ourselves out there. We only limit our own lives by not jumping off the cliff and speaking to someone or treating them the way we wish the world would treat US. I met someone once at a party that I had a wonderful deep conversation with and never saw them again. And the talk was about once in a while treating life like a Broadway play. Watch the actors (people) around you and when they do something great clap ..... if they are funny laugh. Learning to react to life with the same unbridled FEELINGS that you would give an actor on the stage is to open YOURSELF up to feeling more and reacting more.................. sorry that I went on and on but I am so fully opened up by the people and stories here that I just couldnt help but speak my feelings. Please dont throw rotten fruit at me, LOL

Junegirl

Kittyrock, no rotten fruit here. Love what you wrote.

June

bigsombrero

I can identify with you here. I boxed out a lot of my traditional friends once the alcoholism became intolerable - however, I was able to fill that void by chatting with strangers at bars, etc. Who needs friends when you have fellow bar-flies?

Coming into sobriety puts everything under a harsh, flourecent light. We can't hide our scrapes and scars under booze, every soft spot feels exposed. Every time I didn't feel confident in myself, a few beers or drinks later, I would feel well-armored and ready for battle. Now we don't have that armor and feel vulnerable.

I can fully say that I enjoy social situations now, but it's not the same. It never will be. And the trick is, you have to learn to BE OKAY with that. It's not that you have to lower your expectations about social interactions - you just have to CHANGE your expectations. When you become sober, everything changes. Everything. Stop comparing "now" to "then". It's not helpful.

Don't try and squeeze your new sober self into a box that's custom made to fit an alcoholic.