sjc752

Hello all,

I just wanted to introduce myself. I've been lurking around here for the last few years. I find this site very helpful where I can share my similar experiences with alcohol abuse. It's difficult being an alcoholic where my closest family members don't understand how it's like going through life with this problem.

I had my first drink back in my first year of university. I had always been a straight A student up until then. And then after that first drink, my grades plummeted. I was asked to take a semester off as a result. Despite this, I never really stopped drinking, and never admitted to myself that I had a problem. I found that I became one of the cool guys with my excessive drinking. I wouldn't say it was direct pressure, but more so pressure put upon myself by trying to be cool. This lasted about a decade. The 90's for me was almost a lost decade.

It wasn't until several years later when my first born child that I truly found the incentive to quit. And I did quit for about 5 years. But then my family moved to a new city. Our suburban street had a lot of young families like ours and we quickly started a nice social scene. Unfortunately, a lot of them drink, some more heavily than others, but none seem to have the problem like myself. I started to drink as well in order to feel less socially awkward. I thought I could handle 'just one drink'. But 1 beer become 2, then before long, I was doing bottles of Vodka again. At one point, I was drinking fairly heavily on a daily basis. This went on for about 3 years or so. But I was capable at times to go sober for 3 or 4 months at a time. But like usual, I would fall off the wagon. And then go on benders. My doctor prescribed me Antabuse which did seem to work. But I always found that sometimes I would forget to take it for whatever reason (subconsciously wanting to drink again), and then I would go drinking again for 4 or 5 days. What is not helping is that I now commute to work in a different city where I don't have my family around. And with no one to keep me in check, I find it too easy to relapse.

I was wondering if you guys have the same experience like I do. And what do you do to keep from relapsing. I always get that feeling after weeks/months of sobriety when I feel confident that I can handle that one drink. But it never happens. I manage to convince myself when I'm alone that I'm not hurting anyone else. But my wife can tell when I'm drunk over the phone now. She is wonderful. She gets angry, but never to the point of ditching me. I know that won't last forever though.

Thanks for understanding.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery. Emphasis on recovery.

There is abstaining from drinking and recovery from alcoholism. Though both mean you aren't drinking, they are entirely different. Sounds to me like you tried abstinence and found it lacking.

Try recovery.

Good luck.

visch1

"And what do you do to keep from relapsing." Very simple answer: If we don't pick up the first drink we've discovered we don't have to try to get sober again. The process started for me 30+ years ago and I continue to attend AA. Some depend on this forum which has a lot of great info if we do a little searching. As I say often, alcohol is the tip of the problem so we need to work at the underlying reasons which are OUR inability to handle feelings in a healthy manner. That's where the individual work is located. BE WELL

EndGameNYC

Glad you wrote about this distinction. I've read many comments on this forum in which people agonize that they can't stay sober, many of whom do so without a program or treatment. I think it's great that people can stop drinking with or without help, but I know of very few people who do so happily without ongoing treatment or a program of recovery. I'm aware that many people stop drinking on their own and without help. Yet it's difficult to know whether or not they've achieved peace of mind, self-acceptance and a better life in the absence of self reports or evidence of wellness.

For me, relapse indicates that there are periods of recovery, not just abstinence, in which I've worked to get and then stay sober with the help of treatment. Drinking between periods of abstinence alone simply means I bought some dry time, with little or no effort to heal and improve myself as a person. Technically, picking up the drink again between periods of abstinence is not a relapse; it's continuing episodes of alcoholism, whether they include drinking or not.

Some of us spend more time and effort when purchasing a new car, finding the best Thai restaurant in town, or deciding what to watch on TV than we do in working on genuine recovery, and are then moved to wonder each time we fail. To me, dismissing treatment as an option is an extension of our denial, no matter how well it's rationalized or framed: Can do it on my own. Not enough time. Can't afford it. Don't feel comfortable talking about my problems. What will other people think?

Many people have reported that one of the greatest gifts in recovery is the opportunity to figure out who I am as a person. Few people (alcoholic or not) either recognize or make use of such a wonderful opportunity. A friend of mine makes this distinction: People who work on their recovery are set free. People who practice abstinence alone are set loose.

LadyBlue0527

EndGameNYC, That was an incredible post!

sjc57, I'm glad that you came here. Welcome! This is a great place with understanding people who have good info and a listening ear.

sjc752

Sometimes I just wish there was a simple pill to prescribe that will cure my problem. I'm getting so tired of failing. It's frustrating and at times I just feel like I'm not strong enough mentally.

pixy

Welcome sjc752,

Some sound advice given. I think I hit my rock bottom after 5 years being dry. I can now say dry and not sober, as that thought of the drink, and my pain never left me. It took for me to break down and cry all over another alcoholic to finally wake up to how awful I felt, and by that awful, I really thought I couldn't keep going. Yet my life is good, nice home, great family, no money worries. Yet I still couldn't just sit with me.

There is no simple pill. Open up, seek help, save time and do it now. It sucks to feel so bad for so long.

Good luck.

socallednormal

Have you considered asking your wife to remind you to take the Antabuse or give it to you every morning?

freshstart57

You seem to be working at a conditional sobriety- I can stay sober if I do xyz. I learned to stay sober unconditionally, and it comes from believing in myself. Feeling that you are not strong mentally is the wrong thing from the outset. You stay sober by doing the things that non drinkers do. Find out what that means for you.

MrTumble

I know that feeling. Where is medicine and science when you need them.

How much would you pay to be free of the cravings?

Boleo

I agree. Those of us who believe recovery is a life-long process, take certain actions to ensure thoughts of drinking never enter our heads in the first place.

There is a big difference between not-drinking and not needing to think about not-drinking. It is much easier to let a Higher Power manage our sobriety for us.

tomsteve

I couldn't get and stay sober on my own. will power alone was not enough for me.
when the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of recovery, I went to AA and AA showed me how to find a power greater than myself that has helped me with all my problems.

Sauerkraut2

I do recommend reading the book below.

End Your Addiction Now, By Dr. Charles Gant, MD. The book is readily available on Amazon.

This book is for all who suffer from drinking alcohol, regardless if its a habit or an addiction, and if you are a family member/friend of an over drinkers.

People over drink for different reasons and there are different ways to stop.