alphaomega

For the better part of 6 months, I made a sincere attempt to meditate every morning. It started with the intention to just quell the anxiety (that I now understand was self-inflicted from my regular alcohol use) and find some sort of peace in a world that I never felt I belonged or fit into.

Some days were better than others out of the gate. I tried guided meditation, listening to ocean waves, mindfulness, etc. I found that my favorite and most genuinely peaceful time was just when I focused on breathing and was present, simply in the moment.

I continued my practice, without fail, every day. Sometimes twice a day. Some days I would get a sort of spiritual enlightenment, but for the most part, I would just get peace. An Overwhelming, mind numbing, elevated sense of awareness and bliss

So this morning I step into my sacred space (a little closet that I created to meditate in) and I go into my typical meditative state. During which I prayed and asked my Highest Power to please rid me of any future cravings of alcohell. As I begin to reach the state of being, which I can not describe other than Nirvana, I dawns upon me that I feel, dare I say,

THE ***EXACT*** SAME WAY I FEEL WHEN IM DRUNK !!!!

So I sit with this feeling. And observe it. And it feels exactly like when that switch turns off in my head, after a bottle of chardonnay. And when I say EXACTLY, I'm mean the bliss, the euphoria, the high that I have been chasing for decades. My body goes numb and everything just falls away. I actively surrender in my meditation, which feels exactly like if does when I fall into the bottle. When I start to come back into my body, I am so relaxed and literally OUT OF MY MIND, that it takes me a good 15 minutes to get back into my body.

I'm going to refer (haha) to meditation now as "God Pot".

socallednormal

When and wherever you want? So you can meditate just as easily while on, say, a public bus?

alphaomega

Socalled - that would be the *ultimate* goal !

I was at my daughters basketball game a few days ago, in a hot gym with 2 games going on at once. I sat down on the floor, with my back up against a wall, crossed my legs indian style, put my hands in a mudra on my lap and started to focus on my breathing. (when your in your forties, you could care less how stupid you look and if people are judging you).

Sure enough, the bliss started flooding in. And, believe me, no one was more shocked than I was.

The gym was hot, it smelled, was noisy beyond comprehension and was the absolute least conducive place to find peace.

But from what I understand about meditation, like alcoholism, its effects are cumulative and progressive. I'm proof of that.

Soberpotamus

That's great! I do Vipassana meditation, it's Insight meditation... and I really enjoy it because you're just sitting there, observing... rather than attempting to focus on anything, it's just letting thoughts, feelings, perceptions flow freely while suspending any sort of judgement... only once did I experience what you're describing... sort of a bliss state. It surprised me! It's hard not to want that the happen now every time... and I've read not to try to make it happen... and in fact, to just accept it as a part of it. That if you seek it, it will elude you anyway.

That's awesome stuff!

bigsombrero

When I got drunk I became agitated, ornery, sick, and lost control. Combine that with sitting in a little closet and I'd probably consider that torture! I have found it helpful to remember that I am not trying to "fool my brain" into thinking I'm drunk, but rather to open and exercise new neurological pathways for energy to flow.

Perhaps that is what you are experiencing, and the closest thing you can relate this feeling to is "being drunk". That said, I am quite pleased to hear that you are HAPPY and that is the main thing. The only thing preventing your discovery from getting 100% approval is that you are comparing this new and wonderful experience to being wasted.

alphaomega

Big - The reason that I'm comparing it to getting "wasted" is because the high is what most addicts chase - perhaps not in your experience - but most exclusively in mine. When I use, its because I need to get out of my head, away from my feelings and into another place and time where things don't seem so overwhelming.

Granted that typically lasted all of about 15 minutes before the boogies would set in. And then I'd drink more to get back there, et al.

Not searching for so much as a single shred of approval (Remember, I'm in my 40's

But hoping like hades someone might be benefit from what I am discovering.

bigsombrero

Thanks for sharing this super positive experience with me and allowing me to post my opinions - basically I just wince when someone says "hey this is like being drunk!" because I find it best to just stay away from that whole can of worms altogether.

I am definitely chasing a high - I just chose my words to describe the experience differently. Two weeks ago I climbed a volcano and looked out over the valley and had a profound experience. To me, if I were to compare this enlightening, healthy, evolving moment to "being drunk" it would feel kind of disrespectful. This was nothing like being drunk. This was so. much. better.

The bottom line is I think we are both on the same page. There are new highs we can achieve, and it's awesome to ACTUALLY HAVE THEM HAPPEN as opposed to just hearing about them. Hard data in the form of a truly positive experience is amazing, and I'm glad you've hit that point with your forays into meditation and self-exploration.

alphaomega

You , my friend, are most definitely much further along in your sobriety path than these shakey little legs of mine are. I absolutely hear you. Spiritual experiences are far from the equivalent of a booze buzz. I guess I was being campy and cheeky with the title, to an extent.

Yet, I wonder.

Why are our addictions referred to as getting "high" ?

Wouldn't be getting "low" more fitting ...

Shamans use peyote to travel to the spirit world.

CharlieNoogan

Nah. Men regarded as magical by uneducated peoples use hallucinogenic drugs to get high.

silentrun

I know what you are talking about Alpha. I get a runner's high. It is the same kind of euphoria but at a much lower dose. Plus when you run there is a satisfaction point where there is none with alcohol. I swear it was when my back when out and I couldn't run anymore that's when the alcohol started raging out of control. How does one start with the meditation.

karate

You can also get high with exercise ,It works too .

caboblanco

I practiced yoga and meditation years ago. Meditation is part of yoga. What I accomplished through that was a higher level of consciousness. It only lasted a week. it freaked me out so much I stopped yoga altogether. It really is amazing what you can do with your mind but that is for a different forum altogether

WhiteFeathers

Yes!!!! This happened to be the other day--SITTING IN THE CAR! (I wasn't driving). I was just kind of meditating, focusing on my breath, and I definitely felt my consciousness rising to a different level altogether. I can't describe it but I recognized it at once! I've been able to return to the conscious state at will with a little practice.

It freaked me out too!

You can't do that when you're actively drinking because you're in a state of constant sub-consciousness. Who knew??

deeker

alphaomega

Silent - it's so simple it should be illegal. Close your eyes and focus on your breath for maybe ten minutes at first. Thoughts will come and go - today for example I was looking forward to my grease ball dinner at Ron of Japan with friends - it didn't matter. The bliss came anyway. The euphoria and sense of being comfortably numb followed.

I have had what some may call spiritual experiences as well, but those are far and few between. It more just quiet time to turn inward and surrendur. That's as far as I have gotten so far, and as far as I'm concerned, if it just stays like this, it's all good.

Whitefeathers - the movement in the car puts me in a hypnotic trance as well. I actually feel like I'm out of body. I have to fight sometimes to stay grounded.

It's all rather delightful.

soberlicious

Actually I do little 10 minute mind retreats standing in line at the grocery store or at my desk at work or in my car at a stoplight...With specific attention to my breathing. I can also feel that meditative state when walking or running. I know lots of people are fond of sitting, but a cushion isn't necessary to meditate.

I lay for up to 45 minutes during acupuncture once a week. Sometimes it's blissful, sometimes I get agitated...but even then I like sitting with the discomfort and letting it pass.

alphaomega

Sober - I absolutely agree !! I'm finding its bleeding over into areas that I normally would be anxious in eg lines, crowds, restaurants, sporting events, etc.

While I do adore and cherish my time spent in my *******, I'm in awe of the zen that seems almost at my command as a result of practice. And faith in the process.

alphaomega

I have no idea why they bleeped out the word Pappa San chair ??

Is an expletive ? Who knew ?

Louise82

Alpha, thanks for making this thread and reminding me of the benefits of meditation. I want to start meditating every day but I keep forgetting. The few times I have meditated, I've just closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, which, as you say, is a good starting point, I feel.

alphaomega

My absolute pleasure Louise !

I remember reading something that said ...

Every person should meditate for at least 20 minutes a day.
Unless you are too busy.
Then you should do it for an hour.

.