Soberpotamus

I wanted to stop it before it got worse. I saw my creativity dwindle and become nonexistent. I was angry, and full of rage. I was devastated by my moms death. I knew I wanted more out of life. I had raged against everything and trusted no one. I hated the changes I saw over time. I saw my own self-destruction, and I was to blame. I was copping out of life and I just couldn't allow myself to do it anymore.

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WhiteFeathers

I have had plenty of "bottoming out" events, but I really felt like I had to quit because I would wake up EVERY single morning, so hungover I just wanted to die. I would get up, go to the bathroom and try to wipe off that disgusting black wine ring that had settled around my lips. Then I would sometimes throw up. I'd go to the kitchen, drink water, throw that up.

Then I would sit at my computer to check my emails, and I had already signed up for the AA Grapevine emails, and I would read them, everyday, hungover thinking "why can't I stop doing this to myself?"

Finally, I just got it together to stop it. I am so glad!

fantail

I knew for the last year that I'd passed the line and was never going to enjoy drinking again. (I think it was when I started day drinking that I knew it was really over).

I didn't quit though until I ended up in hospital with gastritis. 1. It scared me, 2. The city paid my bill because I'm uninsured.

It felt like I'd been pulled out of hiding and exposed for how ridiculous I was.

Overall though it felt like I'd reached the point where the acceleration of the alcoholism had outpaced me and I couldn't outrun it any more. Either I let it take over my life or I quit; I couldn't keep pretending to be OK.

Threshold

I was terrified of and disgusted by what I'd become

RevivingOphelia

I couldn't take the mornings and days filled with anxiety, dread, cravings, loss of control. I was blacking out pretty much every time by the end. Just so sick of it all.

ersatzmatriarch

i wanted to stop drinking because, after many failed attempts, i realized that i couldn't stop drinking...

the blackouts, hangovers, rotting guts, night sweats, obsession to drink, failures as a wife/mom/human being directly related to drunkenness... it was a long road to get to the point where i could surrender, but i finally got there and i reached out for help. best decision i've ever made in my life...

silentrun

For me it was a "two doors" spiritual moment. I was a high functioning alcoholic and was about to cross over into dependent. Some circumstances came up that made me take a real look at my life. There was a moment when I just saw the truth of this. I understood I could not control something that I wanted to surrender to. It didn't really feel like quitting it felt like escaping.

Levitz

Escaping ....I like that.
That is a better way to think about it
Thanks !

friday13

I'd lost or damaged every area of my life. I'd dropped out of the counselling course I was doing, I could no longer volunteer at a mental health day centre, I was barely able to see family due to hiding my drinking, I barely visited my grandad when he had a heart attack or had surgery for cancer because drinking was more important. When I was with friends I was a mess and they had to take care of me, I was getting thrown out of every club I went to, I was waking up in the street or hospital, I'd had more injuries and illnesses than I care to remember and I hated the fact that I had to drink just to stop the withdrawals.

Essentially the reason I stopped drinking is that I wanted a life.

fhl41

I had been drinking since I was around 13 and I knew in my heart, not sure if it was my higher power or what but something told me enough is enough. (now 43).

I was increasingly obsessed with my next drink and essentially I wanted to be free from that bondage.

grandma12

I had thought about stopping for several months, but never got past day 4. Then one morning I started on Sky about 7am and after a bottle of sky and bottle of wine at 8pm I still didn't feel the relief I wanted. So I stopped I was totally through, I love being sober.

Kathleen41

I literally thought suicide was a better option for solving my problems than quitting drinking!!

DrSober

I quit because I nearly died / suffered irreversible brain damage from drug use, and when I woke up I almost lost my marriage. All use is the same for me, and all invariably leads to the same place, eventually. Life is too short and too fragile to risk all of this again.

Junegirl

After a night of sneaking beers from my closet because I didn't want my mom or daughter to see me drinking, I knew I'd crossed the line into a really bad place. I looked back at the last year and saw the look of worry on my daughter's and my mom's eyes, the hangovers, the anxiety, the bloated face and the time and money wasted on booze. That day I accepted that I was an alcoholic and that if I didn't quit right away, things would get much worse. The "much worse" scared me more than the idea of quitting for good. Funny how fear can be such a good thing sometimes.
I am very happy about the choice I made that day, 4 weeks ago today.

beatle

I crossed the line when I started drinking in the morning. Not every day, but they were getting more frequent in the end. The next morning after my all day drinking, I would be totally paralyzed with panic and anxiety. Eventually, the anxiety was bad enough that I would pull the wine bottle for relief. I had become dependent. Every day became an obsession with my next drink. I'm a year and a half sober now and living life as god intended.

Junegirl

Silentrun, you're so right! It IS escaping! Thank you thank you for writing that.
Kathleen41, wow! Your post brought tears to my eyes. Unbelievable what alcohol does to our thinking...
This thread is truly eye-opening.

GiantNZ

The black outs and the fall outs from everyone I cared about were getting more frequent. The nail in the coffin, March 16 2013 total black out and embarrassment at friends place, but what really cemented it was the utter disgust in my 11 year old daughters face the next morning.

I realised that if I carried on I would lose my wife & two daughters. Call me old fashioned but your kids should look to you for love, guidance & reassurance. I couldn't provide any of that.

What makes it all worth it, she is having 4 friends around tonight for a sleep over for her 12th birthday. I'm here sober and will be able to keep them safe and not embarrass her in front of her friends.

Carlotta

I was planning my suicide and making arrangements.

niijikwe

I hated the next day feelings, hated black outs, even hated wondering if i sounded tipsy and trying to hide it.

My 12 year old daughter told me she hated living with drinkers. That was my last drink, my feelings for HER feelings were far stronger than the drinks pull.

rAAt

I never wanted to stop drinking, I wanted to manage my drinking.

Once I was introduced to AA I discovered what it meant to be an alcoholic and the true nature of my illness.

What a relief to find I was no longer alone - there were others who thought and acted like me and they had found a solution - a way to be happy and sober.