Sometimes I wonder
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
Sometimes I wonder
I wonder whether I am really bipolar I recently stopped one of my medications under doctors orders been two days and no side effects and sleeping very well. If all goes well doctor says can stop next one in two months. She says I might need only one medication.
I get to 3 to 4 meetings a week even though I work full time. It's really hard most days because I work late and want to go home and crash most nights. I can make excuses endlessly. But I know the cravings will return if I don't go to meetings and do the work and call my sponsor everyday. I made my first amends to mom today and that went well. I worry I may relapse because surprisingly things are going pretty well right now. So I am constantly on my guard.
I get to 3 to 4 meetings a week even though I work full time. It's really hard most days because I work late and want to go home and crash most nights. I can make excuses endlessly. But I know the cravings will return if I don't go to meetings and do the work and call my sponsor everyday. I made my first amends to mom today and that went well. I worry I may relapse because surprisingly things are going pretty well right now. So I am constantly on my guard.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Sounds like you are doing everything right. My sponsor used to say make hay while the sun shines.I remember feeling undeserving of the good things that happened, but one of the side effects of this journey is that things do start going well. And when they don't, hopefully, we have enough faith to know that it will be ok, that the bad times will pass. The work you are doing now, when times are good, will help you survive the certain low spots that lay ahead. All the best to you
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I think you are doing amazing! Those 9th Step promises will happen for you too:
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole atti* tude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will in* tuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." Big Book Quote, 1st Edition
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole atti* tude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will in* tuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." Big Book Quote, 1st Edition
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