Did any of you really really LIKE drinking and see it as a positive?
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I loved drinking from the start. It was my solution, it made life fun, gave me confidence, I could "fit in", it brought many blessings. What I did not like was being sober, feeling uncomfortable, unable to relate, fearful, feeling somehow that I was different, inadequate.
Life was one long party, as I thought it should be. The only downside was the hangovers and periods of sobriety when I had to work to get some money to go drinking.
I found school mates who joined the party, then grew tired of it and stopped. I found others who liked to drink like me, some died, some got tired of me, some stopped, then I was alone trying to get that party feeling going again. No one was interested, perhaps I should stop, but I couldn't. When I tried I was miserable, tragic things were happening, no black outs though.
Too young to be alcoholic, must be a nutter. Go to treatment to see if someone can fix me, no chance, beyond human aid. Try dope, one puff back drinking. Hallucinations start, skin is raw, no longer eat, now drinking is no fun. Decide to stop this morning, find myself drinking in the afternoon, without thought - how did I get started - no defence. But being sober is just as bad, then I found the AA solution. Now, my worst day sober is better than my best day drinking.
Life was one long party, as I thought it should be. The only downside was the hangovers and periods of sobriety when I had to work to get some money to go drinking.
I found school mates who joined the party, then grew tired of it and stopped. I found others who liked to drink like me, some died, some got tired of me, some stopped, then I was alone trying to get that party feeling going again. No one was interested, perhaps I should stop, but I couldn't. When I tried I was miserable, tragic things were happening, no black outs though.
Too young to be alcoholic, must be a nutter. Go to treatment to see if someone can fix me, no chance, beyond human aid. Try dope, one puff back drinking. Hallucinations start, skin is raw, no longer eat, now drinking is no fun. Decide to stop this morning, find myself drinking in the afternoon, without thought - how did I get started - no defence. But being sober is just as bad, then I found the AA solution. Now, my worst day sober is better than my best day drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Getting to where I want to be
Posts: 502
I can't relate. After a few days of drinking, I reach a point where I can't drink anymore and can't not drink. I must medically detox. I can't explain it any better than that. My body simply cannot handle alcohol anymore. I'm happy that it doesn't have to. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by niijikwe 
My ABF has been a drinker for 30 years. I asked him the other day if he felt any of the bad feelings *I* had felt while drinking.
I listed off:
Hang over
blacking out and not remembering the night before
panic and anxiety the next day
being embarassed over stuff the next day
the money wasted
None of those bothered him. He genuinely seemed as though none of them were a problem. I KNOW he blacks out and doesnt remember the night before almost every single night. I asked him if he hates that feeling like I do, and wonders what he did, or if he said anything bad or embarrassing. He said no. I asked him how he could NOT feel that way. He said he didnt know, but it isnt that bad of a feeling. He said drinking makes him feel good and happy and friendly.
I asked if he had anxiety at all during hang overs. He said he doesnt think so and asked me to describe what it feels like. He said no he doesnt really feel that. Then he said, maybe I just dont know how good I COULd feel, because Ive been drinking so long?
He's an every day drinker, and has been for a long long time. so he never has a day or two to experience a different feeling.
I listed off:
Hang over
blacking out and not remembering the night before
panic and anxiety the next day
being embarassed over stuff the next day
the money wasted
None of those bothered him. He genuinely seemed as though none of them were a problem. I KNOW he blacks out and doesnt remember the night before almost every single night. I asked him if he hates that feeling like I do, and wonders what he did, or if he said anything bad or embarrassing. He said no. I asked him how he could NOT feel that way. He said he didnt know, but it isnt that bad of a feeling. He said drinking makes him feel good and happy and friendly.
I asked if he had anxiety at all during hang overs. He said he doesnt think so and asked me to describe what it feels like. He said no he doesnt really feel that. Then he said, maybe I just dont know how good I COULd feel, because Ive been drinking so long?
He's an every day drinker, and has been for a long long time. so he never has a day or two to experience a different feeling.
If your boyfriend is not ready to stop drinking, why should he reflect on the negative consequences? My bf drank for over 30yrs too, the last 10 being a daily drunk with no hang overs. The main reason he stopped was because as he said, alcohol made him break out in bad decisions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by awuh1
niijikwe, I don’t know how to ask this delicately so I’ll just be straight forward about it. Does he seem to have much of a conscience? If not, you might want to rethink that relationship.
Hmm. Im thinking hard about this. He's a very odd mix of traits.
con·science
An inner feeling or voice viewed as acting as a guide to the rightness or wrongness of one's behavior.
I would think he does, yes. He's a very by-the-book kind of person. Type A. He works at a job where he could take off a day every week if he wanted, but he doesnt. He pays every bill on time, has perfect credit. Ive never heard of him stealing, he is not dishonest, he very often offers to watch my youngest while I do errands, lets me sleep in on weekends while he gets up, .. so he's gotta have some inner voice guiding him towards doing right, right?
However-- I never really get a warm kind feeling from him. he does nice stuff... but its almost sterile or scripted feeling. Ive figured its because he's always buzzed.
so, who knows?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
From your more detailed description I think you are quite right. In fact it sounds like his moral compass is working just fine, drunk or sober, and he knows it. It could be why he does not worry what he did in a blackout. I'm glad you added the detail. It does not sound at all like what I had feared. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
God, yes, I loved it.
In Sober for Good, Anne M. Fletcher quotes a "master" with fifteen years sober who says, "I miss gazing at the night sky after a bout of drinking and seeing the stars through an alcoholic prism and feeling so damn good about life and the world."
That quote really resonates with me -- the marvel and deepened sense of wonder that he seems to have experienced with alcohol. I loved that. I have always been into horses, and as a kid I devoured books about them -- Walter Farley's Black Stallion series, stuff in that vein. One of my "things" when I drank was to spend much of the day in bed reading those old children's horse stories. And I loved it. It was a total escape to this simpler time decades ago in terms of when the book was written and a kind of return to my childhood, I guess. And I suppose I enjoyed to some degree the illicit and secretive aspect of it, drinking alone and in the morning, a nice church-raised, solid middle-class girl like me.
But you what I don't and won't miss? Getting down on my hands and knees to puke in the shower before going in to work and lying to people I like and respect about where I was the day before because I didn't call in. I won't miss hearing my mother cry on the phone because she's worried that during my next bender, I might fall down the stairs and lose an eye along with some of my brain function, which is exactly what happened to one of her neighbors.
I won't miss the fear that my longtime and much-beloved significant other will finally cut me loose because he can't take my drinking and disappearing on him anymore. I won't miss feeling so weakened after a days-long bender that I literally do not trust my legs to get me down the stairs of my apartment and slide down on my butt like a five-year-old might do -- for fun. I won't miss wondering whether being a cancer patient on chemo could possibly feel any worse than I did in the first 24 hours or so after a bender and thinking I had probably had it worse because I had the guilt and shame of knowing I did this to myself.
Nope, I surely will not miss any of that. I could go on, but I suspect you get the idea.
In Sober for Good, Anne M. Fletcher quotes a "master" with fifteen years sober who says, "I miss gazing at the night sky after a bout of drinking and seeing the stars through an alcoholic prism and feeling so damn good about life and the world."
That quote really resonates with me -- the marvel and deepened sense of wonder that he seems to have experienced with alcohol. I loved that. I have always been into horses, and as a kid I devoured books about them -- Walter Farley's Black Stallion series, stuff in that vein. One of my "things" when I drank was to spend much of the day in bed reading those old children's horse stories. And I loved it. It was a total escape to this simpler time decades ago in terms of when the book was written and a kind of return to my childhood, I guess. And I suppose I enjoyed to some degree the illicit and secretive aspect of it, drinking alone and in the morning, a nice church-raised, solid middle-class girl like me.
But you what I don't and won't miss? Getting down on my hands and knees to puke in the shower before going in to work and lying to people I like and respect about where I was the day before because I didn't call in. I won't miss hearing my mother cry on the phone because she's worried that during my next bender, I might fall down the stairs and lose an eye along with some of my brain function, which is exactly what happened to one of her neighbors.
I won't miss the fear that my longtime and much-beloved significant other will finally cut me loose because he can't take my drinking and disappearing on him anymore. I won't miss feeling so weakened after a days-long bender that I literally do not trust my legs to get me down the stairs of my apartment and slide down on my butt like a five-year-old might do -- for fun. I won't miss wondering whether being a cancer patient on chemo could possibly feel any worse than I did in the first 24 hours or so after a bender and thinking I had probably had it worse because I had the guilt and shame of knowing I did this to myself.
Nope, I surely will not miss any of that. I could go on, but I suspect you get the idea.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Drinking reduced my anxiety and shyness in social settings, I felt part of the group, it made me superficially happy.
I also developed a taste for fine liquor and had a collection of rare and pricey stuff. If only I could enjoy that taste and sip now and then... but that soon led to bottles and bottles of vodka and scotch being downed each week.
I have found I am much happier without a drop of it, and have given away my "good stuff" to the lucky who can enjoy it without getting smashed.
I also developed a taste for fine liquor and had a collection of rare and pricey stuff. If only I could enjoy that taste and sip now and then... but that soon led to bottles and bottles of vodka and scotch being downed each week.
I have found I am much happier without a drop of it, and have given away my "good stuff" to the lucky who can enjoy it without getting smashed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsburg, Pa.
Posts: 389
To all....I have to make a response to this.....I also enjoy the effects of alcohol, for about 25 to thirty years, and similar as many of you have posted, the consequences on my psyche, and the injuries caused by excess have caused a broken neck, 4 broken ribs, and a broken collar bone, all of which were very painful,,,all the physical injuries when I was alone in my house were in the last 3 or 4 years.
I have (had) only one close male friend in town & I live alone. This friend & I have drunk excessively together for the last 7 years....while I've been trying to get sober, on and off. I joined this forum back on March 13, 2013, and had up to 5 weeks, then recently 3 weeks.
However, he was over this last Sat. night, we drank, he got argumentative, confrontational, was telling me how he doesn't care if he dies tomorrow, he's 'gonna drink, smoke regardless (yet he is a high functioning, moral, loving father, alcoholic). So I went up to bed, not able to tolerate his view on life, nor his verbal confrontiveness anymore. He came up to bed, my having made it clear for the last 5 years or so that I don't want to have an "intimate relationship" and proceeds make overt physical advances. I obviously refused, and then, after a few moments I shouted "Get the f out of my house !" Obviously (when he said "this it, it's over" and left), I thought "whatever
why do I want a "trigger" like this jerk anyway ?
I made a firm decision, that I would rather have 0 friends, than one in so much denial, and that to quote AA, became willing to go to any lengths to get my sobriety back...I have about 1 1/2 now, and feel certain that it's a beginning of sobriety for a long, long time.
I am sorry I have gone on so long, but this is a post subject that hit so close to my
present !
I have (had) only one close male friend in town & I live alone. This friend & I have drunk excessively together for the last 7 years....while I've been trying to get sober, on and off. I joined this forum back on March 13, 2013, and had up to 5 weeks, then recently 3 weeks.
However, he was over this last Sat. night, we drank, he got argumentative, confrontational, was telling me how he doesn't care if he dies tomorrow, he's 'gonna drink, smoke regardless (yet he is a high functioning, moral, loving father, alcoholic). So I went up to bed, not able to tolerate his view on life, nor his verbal confrontiveness anymore. He came up to bed, my having made it clear for the last 5 years or so that I don't want to have an "intimate relationship" and proceeds make overt physical advances. I obviously refused, and then, after a few moments I shouted "Get the f out of my house !" Obviously (when he said "this it, it's over" and left), I thought "whatever
why do I want a "trigger" like this jerk anyway ?
I made a firm decision, that I would rather have 0 friends, than one in so much denial, and that to quote AA, became willing to go to any lengths to get my sobriety back...I have about 1 1/2 now, and feel certain that it's a beginning of sobriety for a long, long time.
I am sorry I have gone on so long, but this is a post subject that hit so close to my
present !
Matt M
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 490
Yeah for sure.
It made me more sociable and pretty much got rid of my shyness and anxiety.
For the first 8 years or so it actually worked very well as I was always able to drink a hell of a lot and always be less drunk than anyone else I went out with.
My hangovers were never that bad (mainly because I carried on drinking) and I never really ever acted drunk when I was, I was able to act 'normally' very very easily.
Then when I hit about 28, that all changed, my body gave up!
It made me more sociable and pretty much got rid of my shyness and anxiety.
For the first 8 years or so it actually worked very well as I was always able to drink a hell of a lot and always be less drunk than anyone else I went out with.
My hangovers were never that bad (mainly because I carried on drinking) and I never really ever acted drunk when I was, I was able to act 'normally' very very easily.
Then when I hit about 28, that all changed, my body gave up!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 15
Alcohol usage will eventually lead to anxiety and depression (and perhaps rage)
Still occasionally i drink. And i don't regret it. But gladly im not drinking everyday anymore, downing 3 bottles of martini a day, eventually my gal bladder started to hurt, and lots of more other complications, i don't have the complications anymore. Some people drink when they are anxious and/or in trouble. But the next day, you get hit in the face with double the effects.
Alcohol is poison. End of discussion i would say.
After all we are drinking something we clean with too and use as disinfectant cause it KILLS bacteria, isn't that just plain ridiculous? Make that clear i guess.
Still occasionally i drink. And i don't regret it. But gladly im not drinking everyday anymore, downing 3 bottles of martini a day, eventually my gal bladder started to hurt, and lots of more other complications, i don't have the complications anymore. Some people drink when they are anxious and/or in trouble. But the next day, you get hit in the face with double the effects.
Alcohol is poison. End of discussion i would say.
After all we are drinking something we clean with too and use as disinfectant cause it KILLS bacteria, isn't that just plain ridiculous? Make that clear i guess.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Justfor1
Yes, for many years alcohol kept my depression and anxiety at bay. The depression still lingered but I received many benefits from drinking a few beers after work. It worked great and I was comfortable. As the years went by the benefits decreased and the consequences increased.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
There was a time when I first started that I did. I began early on as a guy who enjoyed craft beers and good whiskey, I rarely got "drunk" or to say "wasted."
But...
If we're talking about the period of abusive and alcoholic drinking, which we seem to be, that turn was in 2006 for me. And no, I didn't like drinking at that stage. I drank because for me it felt better than the other way I felt. I got a buzz but it was pretty empty--nothing fun for me.
But...
If we're talking about the period of abusive and alcoholic drinking, which we seem to be, that turn was in 2006 for me. And no, I didn't like drinking at that stage. I drank because for me it felt better than the other way I felt. I got a buzz but it was pretty empty--nothing fun for me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ct.
Posts: 173
I had a lot of fun drinking, until consequences started to catch up with me, and my own conscience, which gnawed at me even through the booze. But basically for me no consequences (or conscience) I probably wouldn't be sober. It always seems like most addicts have somebody helping them stay that way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
Drinking was about escaping from life for me essentially. It was like entering a fantasy world each time. A fantasy world full of lies, deceit, fakeness, denial, and so on. I hardly ever would actually "go out" drinking like most people. Even from the start, I only drank heavily when I was alone. It was a medication/escape thing for me. So to answer the question, when I think about it more, no it really wasn't ever fun. It started becoming painful to live like that every day after a while. The hangovers for me were horrible and I'm so happy to be away from all of that now.
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