AA stands for alcoholics ANONYMOUS
Ryno032709
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Concord
Posts: 103
AA stands for alcoholics ANONYMOUS
Hello, my name is "Ryno" and I am a Alcoholic.
Recently, I have moved back to my home state and I have beome afraid to make friends and share my experience strength and hope in AA. I fear that some people do not value or rather forgt that AA stands for Alcoholics ANONYMOUS and the people you meet and hear speak should remain with that meeting room.
Already, in my 4 years sobriety I have had 2 ocassions where someone inmet in sobriety at AA has blabbed to another person outside of AA that I am in AA. "Hey this is 'Ryno,' I met him in AA." Its a odd, awkward and almost angry feeling to me when I findout someone blabbed to another person I am in AA.
The jobs I currently work in and are pursuing - I could legitimately lose if my emoyers found out I am a recovering alcoholic. Even having been sober 4 years, my employers would not recogize my accomplishments and instead would focus on the fact that I lied on my government applications about having a problem with alcohol - "I didnt have problem with alcohol. Alcohol had a problem with me." Lol
But this is not a laughing matter - today I see people driving around with AA stickers on their cars, wearing AA convention t-shirts and talking about it openly. I think thats great for THEM - but keep me out of it!!
Has anyone else experienced these concerns regarding AA not being so Anonymous anymore?
Recently, I have moved back to my home state and I have beome afraid to make friends and share my experience strength and hope in AA. I fear that some people do not value or rather forgt that AA stands for Alcoholics ANONYMOUS and the people you meet and hear speak should remain with that meeting room.
Already, in my 4 years sobriety I have had 2 ocassions where someone inmet in sobriety at AA has blabbed to another person outside of AA that I am in AA. "Hey this is 'Ryno,' I met him in AA." Its a odd, awkward and almost angry feeling to me when I findout someone blabbed to another person I am in AA.
The jobs I currently work in and are pursuing - I could legitimately lose if my emoyers found out I am a recovering alcoholic. Even having been sober 4 years, my employers would not recogize my accomplishments and instead would focus on the fact that I lied on my government applications about having a problem with alcohol - "I didnt have problem with alcohol. Alcohol had a problem with me." Lol
But this is not a laughing matter - today I see people driving around with AA stickers on their cars, wearing AA convention t-shirts and talking about it openly. I think thats great for THEM - but keep me out of it!!
Has anyone else experienced these concerns regarding AA not being so Anonymous anymore?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
I personally think anonymity is important when it comes to protecting people who don't want their place of work to know they are alcoholic and the stories people share should remain unspoken of outside the rooms of course but the whole anonymity thing to me just re inforces the stigma of being an alcoholic. If alcoholism is ever to be successfully beaten on a wider scale then social stigma needs to be removed so that alcoholics and their family are no longer in denial thus ensuring a better chance at recovery. If you are uncomfortable about people knowing your an alcoholic that's only be ause there is a stigma attached to it. If you were allergic to peanuts you wouldn't be ashamed about it but ur not, ur allergic to alcohol. Why should it be any different.
Of course this is idealistic and not the case at present but I think some people embracing their AA recovery and not being afraid to admit it goes someway in helping lift the stigma
Of course this is idealistic and not the case at present but I think some people embracing their AA recovery and not being afraid to admit it goes someway in helping lift the stigma
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Yes, I've had some of the things you describe happen. It's one of those risks we take getting involved in such a group.
Not sure if it's "worse" but I was in NA, and so if people out you others pretty much assume you were also involved with criminal behavior, crack houses, sharing needles and a lot of other crap, which they usually react to even more strongly than the idea that maybe you drank too much. ARGH
There's no guarantee that folks won't out you. I hate it, but it's the truth. And if anyone wants to maintain their anonymity, I have to suggest not friending anyone from your group on FB, because the % of 12 step folks that post recovery/12 step stuff on their pages is pretty high...and when they post something on yer home page with the intro "I know all my friends in recovery will appreciate this..."
I've gotten the "why are you ashamed to be in a recovery group? " line
I have heard that some areas have "professional" meetings (not as in pay to attend) but for folks in 'sensitive' professions...dr's lawyers etc...that are hush hush and very anonymous. Not sure how one discovers such as I think they may be secret handshake things...but I have heard tell of them.
In all the meetings I attended I NEVER attended one where anonymity was the subject of discussion. People assume that everyone understands it, it's importance and is committed to honoring it...but I think more emphasis would be helpful
Not sure if it's "worse" but I was in NA, and so if people out you others pretty much assume you were also involved with criminal behavior, crack houses, sharing needles and a lot of other crap, which they usually react to even more strongly than the idea that maybe you drank too much. ARGH
There's no guarantee that folks won't out you. I hate it, but it's the truth. And if anyone wants to maintain their anonymity, I have to suggest not friending anyone from your group on FB, because the % of 12 step folks that post recovery/12 step stuff on their pages is pretty high...and when they post something on yer home page with the intro "I know all my friends in recovery will appreciate this..."
I've gotten the "why are you ashamed to be in a recovery group? " line
I have heard that some areas have "professional" meetings (not as in pay to attend) but for folks in 'sensitive' professions...dr's lawyers etc...that are hush hush and very anonymous. Not sure how one discovers such as I think they may be secret handshake things...but I have heard tell of them.
In all the meetings I attended I NEVER attended one where anonymity was the subject of discussion. People assume that everyone understands it, it's importance and is committed to honoring it...but I think more emphasis would be helpful
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
I don't think it has happened to me but I heard rumors about other people that were supposed to be anonymous. Like did you know he or she goes to AA?..those type of comments. I believe some people in AA actually want random people to know about it. Well I don't and that is one reason I don't go anymore. btw this type of gossip is especially bad in small towns and maybe if I lived in a big city it wouldn't be much of a factor. We have a guy in our town that takes walks by the local bar a 2 am every night. hmmm
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
I have been "outed" a couple of times and it's not so much of an issue for me but I completely relate to and understand those who wish to remain anonymous.
My first example is that I was walking out of the supermarket, and a woman who drops in to my home group began loudly (she does everything loudly) talking about AA. Did anyone really hear? I don't know. But I do know that if she had done that with someone else, they might never go back to another meeting. Totally not cool.
My second example is my sponsor. I trust him implicitly. I have told him on more than one occasion that if it would help another person to "out" me (you'll just have to trust me why this is so), then he has my blessings to do so. Cool.
But the second example is very rare. Anytime I run into someone from a meeting, I am careful to keep it anonymous. If my husband's with me, I might introduce him to the person via where we meet- "Bob, this is Bill from the Kiwanis club." I know, Kiwanis probably doesn't lend their space to AA, just take the example away of what I'm trying to say.
Long story short, (too late) 99% of the time, "Anonymous" is nearly as important to peoples' programs as that other part. It should be respected above and beyond.
My first example is that I was walking out of the supermarket, and a woman who drops in to my home group began loudly (she does everything loudly) talking about AA. Did anyone really hear? I don't know. But I do know that if she had done that with someone else, they might never go back to another meeting. Totally not cool.
My second example is my sponsor. I trust him implicitly. I have told him on more than one occasion that if it would help another person to "out" me (you'll just have to trust me why this is so), then he has my blessings to do so. Cool.
But the second example is very rare. Anytime I run into someone from a meeting, I am careful to keep it anonymous. If my husband's with me, I might introduce him to the person via where we meet- "Bob, this is Bill from the Kiwanis club." I know, Kiwanis probably doesn't lend their space to AA, just take the example away of what I'm trying to say.
Long story short, (too late) 99% of the time, "Anonymous" is nearly as important to peoples' programs as that other part. It should be respected above and beyond.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I try not to past judgement on those who
are not educated on addiction. I find the
word ignorance a not so nice word to refer
to those who turn their heads or point, or
gossip or show less compassion because
Ive been guilty at one time or another
doing the same thing to others.
Addiction is not funny nor made to be
taken lightly. It has caused more harm
than good to many who have been
afflicted with it. Addiction to alcohol
or drugs has taken a many a lives
and has doesn't seem to show any
mercy for the victims it takes and
destroyes.
Today, I know I can't make people
understand or accept addiction if they
don't have a problem with it. All I am
capable of doing is to remain responsible
for my own recovery and passing on my
own ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes
to others struggling with addiction.
In the beginning of my recovery 22 yrs.
ago, I felt the same way as many who
are just beginning their recovery journeys.
I was scared and didn't want anyone to
know I went to rehab and have a problem
with controlling alcohol.
I felt different, less than, self absorbed and
more. Over the yrs. I have been living and
incorporating a program of recovery in my
everyday life and have a better, more
knowledgeable insight about addiction
and it's affects on my own system and
the way it affects others around me.
Today, other peoples opinions don't
bother me as they use to because I
know who and what I am. Because
I was willing and openminded to accepting
the knowledge and tools of recovery to
help me live each day sober, staying
sober and helping others like me,
remind me to practice tolerance of
others that don't see eye to eye with me.
Love and tolerance of others is one
of those keys in recovery we pick up
and place in the lock door to open to
a freedom we never knew before.
The longer we stay sober, the more
understanding and accepting we are
of people, places and things that baffle
us.
You'll see.
are not educated on addiction. I find the
word ignorance a not so nice word to refer
to those who turn their heads or point, or
gossip or show less compassion because
Ive been guilty at one time or another
doing the same thing to others.
Addiction is not funny nor made to be
taken lightly. It has caused more harm
than good to many who have been
afflicted with it. Addiction to alcohol
or drugs has taken a many a lives
and has doesn't seem to show any
mercy for the victims it takes and
destroyes.
Today, I know I can't make people
understand or accept addiction if they
don't have a problem with it. All I am
capable of doing is to remain responsible
for my own recovery and passing on my
own ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes
to others struggling with addiction.
In the beginning of my recovery 22 yrs.
ago, I felt the same way as many who
are just beginning their recovery journeys.
I was scared and didn't want anyone to
know I went to rehab and have a problem
with controlling alcohol.
I felt different, less than, self absorbed and
more. Over the yrs. I have been living and
incorporating a program of recovery in my
everyday life and have a better, more
knowledgeable insight about addiction
and it's affects on my own system and
the way it affects others around me.
Today, other peoples opinions don't
bother me as they use to because I
know who and what I am. Because
I was willing and openminded to accepting
the knowledge and tools of recovery to
help me live each day sober, staying
sober and helping others like me,
remind me to practice tolerance of
others that don't see eye to eye with me.
Love and tolerance of others is one
of those keys in recovery we pick up
and place in the lock door to open to
a freedom we never knew before.
The longer we stay sober, the more
understanding and accepting we are
of people, places and things that baffle
us.
You'll see.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of the program: "What you hear here, who you see here, when you leave here, let it stay here."
At the end of all of the meetings I go to the chairperson reads the 12th tradition again followed by "Who you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here." (and then the group says here here).
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I was living in a small town and my work schedule changed so I started attending AA in the City by my job. I was minding my own business coming back from the local library on my day off one day when I saw a guy from that meeting wave at me. I waved back being friendly, then the idiot proceeded to yell very loudly across the street: Hey, we don't see you anymore at the meeting are you hitting the sauce?
I was absolutely mortified.
I was absolutely mortified.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 410
This is in some ways the main reason I haven't tried AA. Even those around me supporting me say things like "it isn't that big a deal, look at Persons X, Y, Z. They are in it and love it" and the whole time I'm thinking, wow, real anonymous.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Threshold, I have been a member of a "shuttered group" that you mentioned for the past 10 years. I was invited by an AA friend who knew I would enjoy the members many of whom are Doctors and a few politicians as well as a couple of "notables." We hold the meeting in our homes on a rotating basis and it is by invitation only with the group making the decision. I only toss this tidbit in as it is important that anonymity be strictly observed for most of the members. Me, not so much but I do enjoy the serious nature with which the group members address sobriety.
I have found over the years that the more, "mature" as in older well established the meeting is, the more seriously people seem to regard anonymity. There has been such an influx of court ordered attendance at least in Southern California and so many commercial rehab "drop ins" over the past couple of decades that many individuals really don't want to be at an AA meeting, someone told them to come and as a result the serious nature of anonymity is lost on many. It is almost a social event or in some cases a bar without alcohol. Just what I have seen in several meetings.
In SoCal we have literally hundreds if not thousands of meetings every week. I served as a DCM for some years and when attending the Area meetings in Santa Monica it was often mentioned that there were well over 1,000 meetings a day in that Area.
My point is, while there are many poor meetings, there are high quality and very well grounded meetings were the Traditions and anonymity are stressed. When I look for a change of pace with a new meeting I am careful to make sure that I get opinions from other members and will attend a few times before immersing myself too deeply.
The biggest contribution that I can make to any meeting is by setting a good example for newer members, and when I have the opportunity to be of service to some newer folks it is my responsibility to stress the importance of respect for others privacy and then behave accordingly.
Unfortunately, everyone of these damn AA meetings is filled with drunks and ex-drunks and as such you can't be assured they will follow the suggestions that they are given. Choose the best meetings you can, and choose with whom you share your vital information.
Just my experience and sorry this is so long,
Jon
I have found over the years that the more, "mature" as in older well established the meeting is, the more seriously people seem to regard anonymity. There has been such an influx of court ordered attendance at least in Southern California and so many commercial rehab "drop ins" over the past couple of decades that many individuals really don't want to be at an AA meeting, someone told them to come and as a result the serious nature of anonymity is lost on many. It is almost a social event or in some cases a bar without alcohol. Just what I have seen in several meetings.
In SoCal we have literally hundreds if not thousands of meetings every week. I served as a DCM for some years and when attending the Area meetings in Santa Monica it was often mentioned that there were well over 1,000 meetings a day in that Area.
My point is, while there are many poor meetings, there are high quality and very well grounded meetings were the Traditions and anonymity are stressed. When I look for a change of pace with a new meeting I am careful to make sure that I get opinions from other members and will attend a few times before immersing myself too deeply.
The biggest contribution that I can make to any meeting is by setting a good example for newer members, and when I have the opportunity to be of service to some newer folks it is my responsibility to stress the importance of respect for others privacy and then behave accordingly.
Unfortunately, everyone of these damn AA meetings is filled with drunks and ex-drunks and as such you can't be assured they will follow the suggestions that they are given. Choose the best meetings you can, and choose with whom you share your vital information.
Just my experience and sorry this is so long,
Jon
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
I can relate to this. When I first got out of rehab, my partner would go around telling everybody we didn't drink anymore and that I just got out of rehab. It would be one of the first things to come out of his mouth. I was like stop telling everybody about my life or else I'm going to tell people things about you. He didn't understand, thought I was being too paranoid and sensitive. What a Douche!! Thank God he stopped doing that crap.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
The anonymity issue aside, I'm curious about something in your post, Ryno:
How do you reconcile lying on a job application with rigorous honesty?
Just curious.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
How do you reconcile lying on a job application with rigorous honesty?
Just curious.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I would never put down on a job application that I had ever had a problem with alcohol.
Rigorous honesty does not mean putting my employment at risk.
I can have quit drinking and moved on happily in my life, only to have something I put on a job application work against me even many years later, long past when it would even be an issue.
Rigorous honesty does not mean putting my employment at risk.
I can have quit drinking and moved on happily in my life, only to have something I put on a job application work against me even many years later, long past when it would even be an issue.
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
I always thought that if was truly anonymous, you'd want to wear a mask, maybe even some kind of costume, and disguise your voice. It's hard to be anonymous, in person, I've always found. But then it would take a lot of work to always have a costume and mask ready, and look kind of funny, but it would be more anonymous. No easy solutions, here.
2 lives in 1
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 19
It is very frustrating to have your anonymity blown, but I find it comical that people expect a bunch of alcoholics to follow all the rules. It's inevitable that some people aren't going to respect all of the traditions.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
The Tradition of Anonumity is ment to be at the level of press, radio and film. Three important points in the pamphlet AA Tradition, understanding how it came about are:
1. Therefore, it should be the privilege of each A.A. to cloak himself with as much personal ano‐nymity as he desires. His fellow A.A.’s should re‐ spect his wishes and help guard whatever status he wants to assume.
2. Conversely, the individual A.A. ought to re‐ spect the feeling of his local group about anonymity. If members of his group wish to be less conspicu‐ ous in their locality than he does, he ought to go along with them unless they change their views.
3. It ought to be a worldwide policy that no mem‐ ber of Alcoholics Anonymous shall ever feel free to publish, in connection with any A.A. activity, his name or picture in mediums of public circulation. This would not, however, restrict the use of his name in other public activities provided, of course, he does not disclose his A.A. membership.
I recommend everyone read all the pamphlets put out by AAWS.
1. Therefore, it should be the privilege of each A.A. to cloak himself with as much personal ano‐nymity as he desires. His fellow A.A.’s should re‐ spect his wishes and help guard whatever status he wants to assume.
2. Conversely, the individual A.A. ought to re‐ spect the feeling of his local group about anonymity. If members of his group wish to be less conspicu‐ ous in their locality than he does, he ought to go along with them unless they change their views.
3. It ought to be a worldwide policy that no mem‐ ber of Alcoholics Anonymous shall ever feel free to publish, in connection with any A.A. activity, his name or picture in mediums of public circulation. This would not, however, restrict the use of his name in other public activities provided, of course, he does not disclose his A.A. membership.
I recommend everyone read all the pamphlets put out by AAWS.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
Disappointing to read this.
I'd never be ashamed to admit I'm an alcoholic or attend AA. I wouldn't want to be seen by an employer coming out of a meeting if that was my choice. Then come to the crunch, I wouldn't be ashamed either. Its an AA meeting, not a brothel or strip joint.
This is most definitely one of the reasons my wife does not want me going to meetings when I'm in town. I'm sure that the chance of indiscretion on the part of other members is the reason many people hesitate to attend or choose to leave. That is unfortunate.
I'm sure it rarely happens that AA members break anonymity when it does I hope someone says something. My addiction is something I would not advertise. I mean how many Doctors and Nurses do you hear say "Oh you know Mr such and such was at the Hospital getting an orchiectomy" over tea and how often do you see people wearing T-Shirts that say "I'm in therapy for social anxiety disorder".
Common courtesy and respect of privacy really. If I can't trust Joe sitting next to me to keep anonymity how can I trust anyone not to broadcast my life story.
I'd never be ashamed to admit I'm an alcoholic or attend AA. I wouldn't want to be seen by an employer coming out of a meeting if that was my choice. Then come to the crunch, I wouldn't be ashamed either. Its an AA meeting, not a brothel or strip joint.
This is most definitely one of the reasons my wife does not want me going to meetings when I'm in town. I'm sure that the chance of indiscretion on the part of other members is the reason many people hesitate to attend or choose to leave. That is unfortunate.
I'm sure it rarely happens that AA members break anonymity when it does I hope someone says something. My addiction is something I would not advertise. I mean how many Doctors and Nurses do you hear say "Oh you know Mr such and such was at the Hospital getting an orchiectomy" over tea and how often do you see people wearing T-Shirts that say "I'm in therapy for social anxiety disorder".
Common courtesy and respect of privacy really. If I can't trust Joe sitting next to me to keep anonymity how can I trust anyone not to broadcast my life story.
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