Mountainmanbob

Threshold

Four years ago, give or take a few months, I was in half day outpatient following a psych hospitalization and I realized I was indeed an addict/alcoholic. I knew my life was out of control and I either had to quit or die.

I found SR and began to consider quitting, and reading about recovery. About six months later I committed to quitting and got into NA, I attending nine meetings a week, had a sponsor, got working the steps. It took me three relapses and one slip to finally get sober for over a year. So three years from when I first said "do it or die" and two and a half since I got into a program.

This time I feel like it's over. For real. It feels very different from the other times I quit...but still didn't know what to do with myself.

My trickiest times come when I have an episode of mental illness. When the brain finds it very difficult to even recall that I have skills and options I didn't have before. I hope that the longer I practice all of life's realities sober, the sooner "sober" will become my default setting.

Paranoia, anxiety and terror are the greatest enemies of my sobriety. It's hard to convince myself I am NOT in mortal danger and hard to ride those feelings out.

fantail

Congratulations on 5 years!!!

This is my first real try. Fingers crossed it'll be my only.

Grungehead

I've picked up 3 white chips in 23 years in and out of AA. Two relapses for me, and the 2 relapses lasted a total of 9 years. I am just shy of 3 months now.

JenEss

Mountainmanbob, may I ask what you were or were not doing at two years sober that resulted in a relapse??

Adillac

Lots of 30d, 60d, 90d, 4m, 7m, 8m.

Mountainmanbob

JenEss

Yeah...when we do that, it is so dangerous.

I was wondering because someone close to me relapsed after 21 months.

I went to my first meeting 12 years ago. I have 10 and a half months sober. This is the first time I have completely surrendered to the program and God. So far it's working.

I know that a relapse for me will end in my death.

deeker

1st try failed at 16. 2nd try stayed sober 2.5 years at age 19-22. with and through AA. Stopped meetings, got cocky. went back out for 2.5 years. Came crawling back at 24 stayed sober for 2.5. Worked a solid AA program. Let up on meetings again. Began working at a restaurant serving alcohol.

Back out again for 13 years. then sober for 10 months, out again for a few back again for a few months and then back out there till 2/2/12. Last drop of alcohol that day but abused non alcoholic cough medicine 12/27/2012. Out there for 6 hours, changed my date cuz I was trying to catch a buzz and I did.

Back now, plan to stay, 3 meetings a week, church, read my bible daily, pray, do service work, stick to the 24 hour plan. Working the steps with my sponsor. Nothing left out there for me but death.

7 jails, 14 institutions, a nursing home, 2 suicide attempts. I'm Done!

Che

Took two tries once I got serious and decided what was what. So I guess one relapse of a real attempt, learned a few things about what made it a struggle the first time, and then after that it wasn't much of a struggle anymore.

Hundreds if you count every time after I drank that I thought 'I should stop drinking' 'this is getting bad for my health' 'this isn't a good way to deal with things' and drank again within a week ;P

It's mostly in your head and how you choose to think of it. Obsessive thoughts are what make it into a beast, but if you don't make the world of it you find there's a lot of other stuff to do and it's stops being a big deal. My experience, anyway.

Mountainmanbob

Dee74

I vowed many times never to drink again - usually lasted about 3 days at most...sometimes I was back drinking within the hour.

My record was 2 months and that was after a particularly brutal fall.

this went on for around 15 years.

D

Soberpotamus

I got sober for the first time at age 27; it lasted for a little over a year. Relapsed and drank for about three years.

Got sober for a 3-4 month period the second try. Wasn't really focusing on sobriety so much that time as I was the healthy eating and exercising. Just didn't prioritize it.

Then my 2nd sincere attempt (3rd try) was at age 34, the month I got married. Lasted about 8 months or so.

Now here I am, on my 4th try, age 36... I'm at 100 days today. This time is very different. I can tell it's going to last... and I guess I'm about 90% certain, about like you are I know I'm just one drink away, so that keeps me from being too sure of things...

silentrun

I am like Fantail. This is my first go. I probably should have tried to quit before but it honestly didn't really occur to me to do so. I was really afraid at first I wasn't going to make it because I have tried to quit smoking dozens of times and always go back. This feels different somehow. The stakes seem much higher with the alcohol.

Hevyn

My story is similar to yours Mountain. Many false tries & then as soon as I felt halfway decent - I'd figure 'this time will be different - I'll be more careful'. That way of thinking brought me to my knees & I had no choice but to stop or die.

Congratulations on your 5 years sober!

artsoul

Congratulations on your 5 years!
I had two periods of sobriety (about 4 years each) and 2 relapses, so this is my third period of sobriety (3+ years at this point). What made this time different is that I became a daily drinker and it really scared me.

HappyT4support

I had to detox for four days in the hospital and I relapsed within two weeks of being released.

I now I am working AA and have 16 days sobriety.

Gottalife

I've never had what I would call a relapse. Rather short spells of not drinking, in treatment or counselling, were really steps along a path to find out what was wrong with me. My last bender was a cool headed experiment to see if I had the phenomenon of craving, to see if what these AA dudes were telling me had any merit. Two beers and be home by 6. Got home by 6 alright, just 4 days later!

Ok, so now I am convinced that what is wrong with me is that I am suffering a progressive terminal illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer (whatever that is). I became willing to do whatever it takes, got a sponsor, took the steps, had a spiritual experience and the obsession was removed and has never returned.

As a result I have been able to experience all aspects of life, good and bad, without the need to drink. My experience is well described by the 10th step promises. I have not had to hide away, or hide from alcohol. I do not spend my days running from "triggers". I am able to do anything and go any where that free men can go. I have worked in hospitality and sales where plenty of booze flows. I have friends who drink socially, it's not a problem.

I do not decide whether I will drink today or not. That problem has been removed, I don't even think about it anymore than I think about whether I can fly or not. But I do frequently think about what I can do for the man who is still sick.

I love this passage from the Big Book page 100:

"Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't."

freshstart57

I pretty much drank freely for 30 years with no real attempt at moderation for moderation's sake. I quit drinking for good about two years ago now. Picking up is an action within my control, and I will never do it. No matter what happens, I will not drink again.

Pedro1234

Well done on your 100 days