Is my wife where I can help her?
As for the kids, its tricky - I moved out (she asked me to give her space) so she has the kids - and there is NO WAY she would leave them and "swap" with me. SO it looks like they'll be raised by a drunk. Nothing I can do.
On the plus side - she is very high functioning (for a drunk) so they always get fed, get to school, etc
On the plus side - she is very high functioning (for a drunk) so they always get fed, get to school, etc
I respectfully have a suggestion of something you can do, read some posts by people who were raised by a drunk parent, and think really hard as to whether or not you want your kids to be telling those stories and trying to unravel those knots from their heads...or to follow in mom's footsteps.
Getting fed and a ride to school does not = happy and productive childhood.
Its tough. She doesnt drink and drive (she walks them everywhere), she doesnt get "falling over drunk" in front of them.
She appears fine - in fact, her friends have NO idea she has a drink problem. If I fought for custody everyone that knows us (apart from a few close friends of mine who know the story) would think I was mad trying to get the kids off a great mum who has a nice 4 bed house to live with me in my little apartment.
She appears fine - in fact, her friends have NO idea she has a drink problem. If I fought for custody everyone that knows us (apart from a few close friends of mine who know the story) would think I was mad trying to get the kids off a great mum who has a nice 4 bed house to live with me in my little apartment.
If you get the kids, you get the house too. Courts realize they need a reasonable home to live in. Sounds like you have given up...just like your wife.
We are talking about their LIVES. LIVES. If you care about them, well, then at least stay in the home and give them one full time, live in parent who takes care of them. Giving they up to life with drunk mommy so you can "move on." is selfish beyond words.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: London
Posts: 324
This is what I'm here to hear.
You are right - I cant get custody....trust me, in the UK it is very hard for the man to get anything unless the woman is in a shocking state. I have friends who tried with their drunk wives who were far worse than mine (drink driving, waking up in the street) and they failed.
But to move on and leave them is also wrong. I only moved out so she could get straight - if she isnt going to bother I might as well go back and be there for them.
Great advice, thank you. (slap in the face i needed)
You are right - I cant get custody....trust me, in the UK it is very hard for the man to get anything unless the woman is in a shocking state. I have friends who tried with their drunk wives who were far worse than mine (drink driving, waking up in the street) and they failed.
But to move on and leave them is also wrong. I only moved out so she could get straight - if she isnt going to bother I might as well go back and be there for them.
Great advice, thank you. (slap in the face i needed)
both of you should read it
that's fine
but
so as to learn a lot regarding alcoholism
I would recommend you buy this very inexpensive book - AA Big Book
both of you should read it
neither of you will be disappointed with the much information attained
when I was running amuck
and
was in jail due to my drinking
my wife called my Sponsor
he told her that she may wish to read the AA Big Book
she has always said "that it helped her in many ways to understand the drunk"
and
where she stood
and
what she could do for herself and me
Mountainman
but
so as to learn a lot regarding alcoholism
I would recommend you buy this very inexpensive book - AA Big Book
both of you should read it
neither of you will be disappointed with the much information attained
when I was running amuck
and
was in jail due to my drinking
my wife called my Sponsor
he told her that she may wish to read the AA Big Book
she has always said "that it helped her in many ways to understand the drunk"
and
where she stood
and
what she could do for herself and me
Mountainman
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: London
Posts: 324
I've read it - in fact, there isnt much I havent read on alcoholics and co-dependents.
The problem is, you read it....then your own life gets in the way of acting the way you know you should!
So many times I have done things/said things that I KNOW are pointless - yet cant help myself.
The problem is, you read it....then your own life gets in the way of acting the way you know you should!
So many times I have done things/said things that I KNOW are pointless - yet cant help myself.
both were willing
do you guys have any spiritual guidance available
for many that's what it takes
my wife also set us up back then for Christian counseling
it was free and wasn't even at our church
it sure helped us a lot
but
both were willing
Mountainman
for many that's what it takes
my wife also set us up back then for Christian counseling
it was free and wasn't even at our church
it sure helped us a lot
but
both were willing
Mountainman
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: London
Posts: 324
neither of us are religious.
on the issue of more generic counseling - she isnt a talker! She just wouldnt attend something like that. SHe has said "I'd rather just end up dying than do that" - nice! Smart talk!
on the issue of more generic counseling - she isnt a talker! She just wouldnt attend something like that. SHe has said "I'd rather just end up dying than do that" - nice! Smart talk!
This is what I'm here to hear.
You are right - I cant get custody....trust me, in the UK it is very hard for the man to get anything unless the woman is in a shocking state. I have friends who tried with their drunk wives who were far worse than mine (drink driving, waking up in the street) and they failed.
But to move on and leave them is also wrong. I only moved out so she could get straight - if she isnt going to bother I might as well go back and be there for them.
Great advice, thank you. (slap in the face i needed)
You are right - I cant get custody....trust me, in the UK it is very hard for the man to get anything unless the woman is in a shocking state. I have friends who tried with their drunk wives who were far worse than mine (drink driving, waking up in the street) and they failed.
But to move on and leave them is also wrong. I only moved out so she could get straight - if she isnt going to bother I might as well go back and be there for them.
Great advice, thank you. (slap in the face i needed)
your wife is right in a way
well
that seems to be about it for now
I've been around this disease and drunks for a long time
if it get's rough enough
we will do anything so as to try and get sober
and
your wife is right in a way
I have seen many drunks die
Mountainman
that seems to be about it for now
I've been around this disease and drunks for a long time
if it get's rough enough
we will do anything so as to try and get sober
and
your wife is right in a way
I have seen many drunks die
Mountainman
Good on you for not giving up on the kids Lewis. You're in a difficult situation but at least you can salvage your relationship with them. Stay on SR; living with an alcoholic is a program in itself but there are several men (not to mention the more numerous women) who are doing it and sharing their experiences.
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