elihoping

I'll preface this by saying I have no plans to drink and I have wonderful support through AA and therapy. I just want to vent.

It's a really sunny day here in Ireland and I finished work early. Everywhere I look, people are out drinking. Street parties, in the pub, people buying booze in the shop. And I'm jealous.

I've been very lucky so far. Next week, if I keep at it day by day, I'll be 9 months sober and during that time, I've had very little desire to drink. Only the odd moment. For some reason, the desire came back to me today.

I know it's not the answer. I've run the tape in my head. I know where this leads. Just for the first time in these 9 months, I'm angry about being an alcoholic. I'm having a case of the "poor-mes" and the "why-mes".

It's just that everything in my life seems So Serious at the moment. It's all recovery and step work and meeting with my sponsor and therapy. And I'm very very grateful that all those things are in my life. But sometimes, I would just like a break or a bit of fun and not to be stuck in my head so much.

Anyway, I'll get another meeting tomorrow and talk to my sponsor. Thanks for listening to my rant.

Mountainmanbob

Sasha4

Hi Eli

I wondered where you had gone. I missed you! Congrats on the 9 months.

I understand.

Take care of you
xxx

Toss

I'm close to nine months sober as well and am experiencing the same feelings. You are not alone!

Toss

Dee74

hey eli

maybe you need to just goof off a little? take a day off, start a new hobby, jump in some puddles..whatever....

remind yourself of what you got sober for?

D

Bubovski

I think all the stuff re drinking ( those few dubious good aspects) are ingrained in our psyches for life........the older the more ingraining. For this reason I see meetings of paramount importance to serve as an immunization against the potential ravages of this disease.

Boleo

For me, recovery is not about not-drinking. Rather it is about recovering the same attitude toward drinking that I had as child before I even tasted my first alcoholic drink.

I don't stay sober by thinking about not-drinking. I tried that hundreds of times and was only ce-cooperating between drinks (sometimes for months at a time). I simply am sober because found a spiritual solution that manages my sobriety for me. I don't need to think about drinking nor do I think about not-drinking.

elihoping

Thanks for all your responses


Sasha, good to "see" you too! Hope all is well with you.

Dee - puddles?! First week this summer we haven't had any! I may have to go jump in the freezing Irish sea.

This site is fantastic. I feel much better after venting all that. Thanks again guys.

Mirage74

Great rant, Eli. I enjoyed every word. Talk to your sponsor before those thoughts get out of control. It's better to talk it out rather than just letting them spin around in your head. Good luck

Dave42001

I'm glad you shared this I can totally relate!

soberclover

For me I find it helpful to look beyond the fun people seem to be having while they have a drink at an outside cafe for instance. For so many the rest of the day does not look or end so well. TV or other advertisements make everything look fun and glamerous but we know the reality of the hangover and resulting consequences to deal with the next day. I know what you mean about being saturated with recovery. I needed to step back and make sure I added volunteering, hobbies, reading something other then self-help/recovery literature, and learning to talk about something other then recovery. It's all about balance I'm thinking.

doggonecarl

There is nothing stopping you from taking a break or having fun. But you equate that with drinking. Why?

Recovery is serious business. But sobriety doesn't mean you can't have fun. Find a fun, sober outlet. You deserve it.

bigsombrero

Yeah that sucks. You're looking at the one drawback to giving up. We don't miss the hangovers, the financial problems, the health issues, the panic attacks, or the repercussions of backouts. We miss simple, drunk socialization while sitting on a sunny Irish pub patio. And that's too bad, pity for us. But we were given many chances. And we couldn't handle that kind of thing. We don't get to do that anymore. That toy has been taken away because we messed up once too many times.

I feel your pain because right now my neighbors are making ribs out on the back patio, I can hear there are even GIRLS there, and they're all probably having a few beers too. I used to join them for this kind of thing. And I suppose I miss it. But today that's not my game. It's an unfortunate sacrifice but one that must be given.

We can choose to accept that as fact, or not. I know you were just whinging a bit, and this is a good place to let off steam....I hope you are feeling more comfortable in your own skin after voicing and sharing your pain.