Justfor1

So I got my second paycheck yesterday. I worked 9 hours and cashed my check at 7pm. By 2AM I was completely broke. I spend hundred dollars at the bar, spent 60 on cocaine and the rest gambled away. The worst part is I drove completely intoxicated and parked on my neighbors newly manicured lawn. I also knocked my side view mirror off. My mom needs to talk to me tonite and I think my prediction of being homeless will be true.

john44

Sounds like the kind of consequences I would expect now if I picked up. Not to mention a trip to detox. Have you had enough yet?

ClearLight

Just one question.
Is sobriety over-rated?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-overated.html

Kayla50

As long as you don't drink, things will start getting better. Have faith! Can you get to a meeting?

Justfor1

I'm not sure my car can run. It went over a curb & damaged underneath. I don't have a lot of faith right now. I feel like a worthless piece of crap. Maybe this is the life I deserve. I am not suicidal per se but I do wish I could just go to sleep & not wake up. My neighbor wants me to pay for his landscaping to be re-done. It's just all unbelievable.

Carlotta

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Obviously what you are doing is not working. Maybe it's time to have a different plan of action.

Anoronha

You need to get your ass to an AA meeting. Or if you don't like AA try smart recovery. personally I love AA but I know several people that use smart recovery and are successful. IMO I would get a sponsor if I were you. Having one has worked so well for me and working the steps is so freeing. Have you hit rock bottom yet? It us upto you to stay sober you have to want it really badly. I know for me I am loving sobriety and I still have some of the same problems when I was drinking. you can do it. Things will get better. Have faith.

robgt350

if i was you i would view my self lucky not to get involved in a auto accident and injure someone. i thank god i never did that.



dont you think you should ?? you drove your car.

Justfor1

anora, I just don't like sobriety. I certainly don't like what happened last night either. I drank about 16 beers and a 12 shots in about 5 hours. I was literally staggering and falling down in the pub. Why did they keep serving me? How am I going to pay for my neighbors lawn and fancy lawn ornaments? He accused me of being drunk but, of course, he doesn't have proof because he came out to get his paper at 8am to see my car on his lawn. My hands are shaking while I type this and my extra dose of anti-anxiety meds isn't helping.

Sudz No More

I don't know Just, it's sort of like you are picking up a hot coal and burning you hands real bad. You see the same hot coals a week later and you decide to pick up one again even though you know how bad it burned you the first time. Like the dog collars that zap the dog if it barks the dog eventually stops barking.

You keep blindsiding yourself. I would say things like how you need to remind yourself of these imminent dangers before jumping of the cliff but it won't help I guess.

As long as you want to give yourself up to Alcohol it will be there for you. All my hopes for you in the future but it won't get any better if you don't put in the effort.

hypochondriac

Take responsibility for your own actions. Sobriety might suck for you but I'm sure it'd be cheaper. If you do damage whilst drunk then it is only right you should pay for it. Aren't you a long time AA member? They have some good stuff about responsibility and cleaning up your own side of the street...

Justfor1

[QUOTE=robgt350;4054859]if i was you i would view my self lucky not to get involved in a auto accident and injure someone. i thank god i never did that.

I injured my car. Isn't that bad enough? Sadly, I always knew that if I relapsed (which I did) I would eventually drive drunk. All the tough consequences and "what could happen" don't register with me when I want to drink & have to drive somewhere. I am a selfish horrible human being.

Carlotta

[QUOTE=Justfor1;4054874] You are very lucky your mom or the neighbors did not call the cops. I would. They still might take you and your mother to court though.
Thank God the commission in its wisdom denied your chauffeur license.

Isaiah

The technical definition of alcoholism is drinking despite negative consequences. That inability to predict or control those negatives are a major part of what separates alcoholics from other types of drinking problems.

If that's where you are on the spectrum then you don't have a third option. It's either sobriety or those recent happenings are just going to continue. You're not the first and you wont be the last to struggle with the dilemma. Most of us here, or in AA and even many in jail/prison struggled with how to have our cake and eat it too.

Sober Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous and other group/treatment programs exist for people who acknowledge that alcohol meant loss of control and a crumbling life, but who are looking for a way to quit, stay clean and rebuild.

EndGameNYC

Originally Posted by Justfor1 View Post
I am currently appealing the decision of the denial of my chauffer license. Being able to drive a taxi/limo would allow me to make a real income.

[QUOTE=Carlotta;4054901] Wow! I didn't remembering reading that until your responded to it.

So sad.

Eddiebuckle

No, Justfor1, you're just human.

Last night was not good, but you do have to admit that replacing some lawn ornaments and paying for sod beats waking up to involuntary manslaughter charges.

Crossfitdad

Seriously? You go out and get effed the **** up...take cocaine...destory someones personal property and you ask a question like that? Nothing pisses me off more than people blaming bartenders or grocery stores (like in another thread). Take some responsibility. You chose to drink knowing damned well that you cant handle it.

Pick yourself up...dust it off and get back on with your sobriety. Quit your whining. You're indeed lucky that you didn't kill someone..and be facing a 20 year sentence this morning. I will say a prayer for you tonight when I go to sleep and even though I don't know you, I want the best for you.

sunrise1

Personal responsibility is of utmost importance. It's no one's fault but your own that you continued to order and drink.

And your answer to the damage that you know you caused is that "he can't prove it"? Again, personal responsibility. Accept it.

kenwoodway

Try reading THE SECRET: the universe responds to your every thought.
Read the BIG BOOK paragraph about 'acceptance.'
AND, Thank You for reminding yourself and the rest of us why 'Clean and Sober'
is a better way.

polaris

Im still a drunk, so I cant judge too harshly...however you keep ******* up in serious ways and want to keep blaming it on everything and everyone except yourself. At least take the responsibility for your behavior. You are not a victim here. It is no one elses' fault that I drink like I do.