Day One
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 240
Day One
Today is day one. Like many others out there, the 4th was a rough one. I am a 26 year old female with a good job that I love, but feel I'm running the risk of losing due to "sick" days. I quit once before 2.5 years ago, but things have slowly gone downhill. I also have OCD and an undiagnosed eating disorder (at 5'7 I have been everywhere from 97 lbs to 160). I've currently been binge eating after drinking-which has been a recent problem. This is causing me a great deal of shame and anxiety, even though I'm an active runner who runs 4-10 miles every day. I know-addictive personality, right?
I've stocked up on Vitamine water, hoping to reach for that if I get the urge to drink. Please pray for me :-)
I've stocked up on Vitamine water, hoping to reach for that if I get the urge to drink. Please pray for me :-)
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by SoberChristy 
Today is day one. Like many others out there, the 4th was a rough one. I am a 26 year old female with a good job that I love, but feel I'm running the risk of losing due to "sick" days. I quit once before 2.5 years ago, but things have slowly gone downhill. I also have OCD and an undiagnosed eating disorder (at 5'7 I have been everywhere from 97 lbs to 160). I've currently been binge eating after drinking-which has been a recent problem. This is causing me a great deal of shame and anxiety, even though I'm an active runner who runs 4-10 miles every day. I know-addictive personality, right?
I've stocked up on Vitamine water, hoping to reach for that if I get the urge to drink. Please pray for me :-)
I've stocked up on Vitamine water, hoping to reach for that if I get the urge to drink. Please pray for me :-)
Nearly lost my job almost two decades ago, was washing tranquillizers down with white wine.
Mixed problems do well without alcohol;bad enough on their own!
Have you tried AA?......BEEN A BLESSING FOR ME.
Hey I run too!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 240
Thanks guys :-)
Dee 74: I just started seeing a therapist this last week to deal with some of these issues. Hoping this helps. I've entertained thoughts of AA, but haven't tried it yet. I'm also trying to get involved with my church more–finding fulfilling things to use my time. I believe a large portion of my drinking is due to my OCD. I started doing it every day as a part of my routine and then it started slipping into my eating disorder–drinking to ease the pain of feeling overweight (even though I know I'm not).
I've been encouraged to start replacing the drinking with other activities. So that's my goal as of now. Just taking it one day at a time. I think the toughest part is the stigma of being a young female alcoholic.
Dee 74: I just started seeing a therapist this last week to deal with some of these issues. Hoping this helps. I've entertained thoughts of AA, but haven't tried it yet. I'm also trying to get involved with my church more–finding fulfilling things to use my time. I believe a large portion of my drinking is due to my OCD. I started doing it every day as a part of my routine and then it started slipping into my eating disorder–drinking to ease the pain of feeling overweight (even though I know I'm not).
I've been encouraged to start replacing the drinking with other activities. So that's my goal as of now. Just taking it one day at a time. I think the toughest part is the stigma of being a young female alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 24
Congrats on day one! I'm currently coming up on 41 hours sober, and I'm also a young female alcoholic (just turned thirty this March). I'd been sober for two years but relapsed in April, two days after giving birth to my daughter.
You're not alone. Hang in there.
You're not alone. Hang in there.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome Christy! Congrats on day 1 
I can relate to the obsessive running and OCD and the eating patterns... though I didn't run quite as many miles as you, I was becoming increasingly obsessive about the running... I'd often binge eat after drinking too... and flirted with orthorexia for years... though never developing a full blown eating disorder... I think I did the thing where you calculate calories to fit in the drinking calories... putting the alcohol first over food.
For me, it was about getting still with myself... calming the brain... meditation, reading books about mindfulness, reading affirmations, and vitamins are starting to help me tremendously. And moderating my exercise... actually stopping the running helped for a while. But these are just things I did, and in no way would I tell someone else to do them... we all find what works best for us.
And yeah... the female alcoholic stigma... it can be tough to get around others in meetings sometimes, but seeing other females helps. And sometimes, you just have to stand tall and pave the way... and take some sense of pride in being a strong female who is willing to be honest and take responsibility... it actually makes me feel stronger once I do leave meetings because I know I am no worse than any other person. I just have an addiction...
I can relate to the obsessive running and OCD and the eating patterns... though I didn't run quite as many miles as you, I was becoming increasingly obsessive about the running... I'd often binge eat after drinking too... and flirted with orthorexia for years... though never developing a full blown eating disorder... I think I did the thing where you calculate calories to fit in the drinking calories... putting the alcohol first over food.
For me, it was about getting still with myself... calming the brain... meditation, reading books about mindfulness, reading affirmations, and vitamins are starting to help me tremendously. And moderating my exercise... actually stopping the running helped for a while. But these are just things I did, and in no way would I tell someone else to do them... we all find what works best for us.
And yeah... the female alcoholic stigma... it can be tough to get around others in meetings sometimes, but seeing other females helps. And sometimes, you just have to stand tall and pave the way... and take some sense of pride in being a strong female who is willing to be honest and take responsibility... it actually makes me feel stronger once I do leave meetings because I know I am no worse than any other person. I just have an addiction...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 240
Thanks for your support, guys. I'm back one week later and still not doing so hot. I had a few good days and a really awful day today. I ended up calling in sick from work and going to urgent care threatening to kill myself. I tried calling a couple of rehab places but nothing will take my insurance. Maybe I will try AA this weekend if I can work up the courage. Does anyone reading this live in the Seattle/Tacoma, WA area and know of anything good?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi SoberChristy (and welcome to SR!)
The first days can be really tough, so don't be too hard on yourself. Think about why you decided to drink again and what else you can do in the future so you don't have to pick up, and/or what resources you can use to help you.
Hopefully someone in your area can recommend an AA meeting, but if not, here's a website for Seattle (they have a 24-hour phone line):
Seattle Intergroup of AA
I spent all my free time at first glued to this forum and know it's not easy, but you can do it (and it does get better as you go!)
The first days can be really tough, so don't be too hard on yourself. Think about why you decided to drink again and what else you can do in the future so you don't have to pick up, and/or what resources you can use to help you.
Hopefully someone in your area can recommend an AA meeting, but if not, here's a website for Seattle (they have a 24-hour phone line):
Seattle Intergroup of AA
I spent all my free time at first glued to this forum and know it's not easy, but you can do it (and it does get better as you go!)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 90
Hang in there Christy! Just like you said one day at a time. I understand it makes it hard being a young female with addictions. I am 28 year old female and struggle some days. But like you I try to find other avenues to fill my time rather than picking up a drink. Just remember you are not alone. Keep moving forward! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Christy,
I generally run daily. I do a few marathons a year. And the running did help me distract myself from drinking, but it didn't keep me sober. I had to find something to calm my mind, something that would shut off the jabbering in my head. For me, meditation and staying present in the moment did it for me. Oh and I still love running!
I generally run daily. I do a few marathons a year. And the running did help me distract myself from drinking, but it didn't keep me sober. I had to find something to calm my mind, something that would shut off the jabbering in my head. For me, meditation and staying present in the moment did it for me. Oh and I still love running!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 240
Thanks ru12. I saw my therapist yesterday and she recommends medication too. I have the hardest time sitting still and just "being"–if you will. It sounds funny, but this morning I'm trying to just sit on the couch and surf the internet, something I normally find difficult. Baby steps :-)
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