Thin Skinned and a little scared...
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Thin Skinned and a little scared...
With only a month of sobriety under my belt, I spend most of my time at the Newcomer's forum but today I'm needing some insight in from those with greater gobs of sober time..
I'm feeling extremely thin skinned these past few days. I work in the service industry and have had some extremely challenging guests dumping their own crap on me. I guess I'm personalizing it. Last night I had an incident that I keep dwelling on. It's like a bee buzzing round my brain that I can't get rid of. I don't recall dwelling like this before. Did my "wine cloud" keep me dulled?
Any advice on letting go of rather insignificant crap? I've been doing fairly well with sobriety ..no unmanageable cravings, so this kind of stuff is bugging me. Is this the stuff that gets too much..and we go running back to dulled senses. Is it the dwelling...the buzzing in the brain, I was escaping before?
Is thin skin normal to early sobriety? Any insight would be much appreciated.
I'm feeling extremely thin skinned these past few days. I work in the service industry and have had some extremely challenging guests dumping their own crap on me. I guess I'm personalizing it. Last night I had an incident that I keep dwelling on. It's like a bee buzzing round my brain that I can't get rid of. I don't recall dwelling like this before. Did my "wine cloud" keep me dulled?
Any advice on letting go of rather insignificant crap? I've been doing fairly well with sobriety ..no unmanageable cravings, so this kind of stuff is bugging me. Is this the stuff that gets too much..and we go running back to dulled senses. Is it the dwelling...the buzzing in the brain, I was escaping before?
Is thin skin normal to early sobriety? Any insight would be much appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
Hey Dawn--have about 2 1/2 years sober and I'm still learning how to deal with things I used to dull with alcohol. We seem to 'feel' things more once we get sober. Emotions come out of hiding, as do feelings. It takes a while to get used to this rawness or thin skin as some call it. It does take time, at least for me. Still learning to deal with things on a more real & of course sober level. Try & let the little things go...in reality, if it's not life or death or something of high importance, try not to let it get under your skin--worrying does not any time to our lives...or make the problem go away for that matter...it just suffocates our spirituality...good luck & congratz on 30 days
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hey Nuudawn.
What you're experiencing is perfectly normal -- expectable -- in early sobriety. And, mercifully, it's also transient. When I first got sober, hyperactivity seemed to help, be even after days filled with work, exercise and other kinds of activity, the was still buzzing. Some people report that they become emotionally flat and cognitively slow, another, different slice of hell.
With all those previously dulled neurons firing, increased brain activity is the norm, even to the extent that this makes us feel crazy. Your brain needs time to heal and to re-adjust to life without alcohol.
I don't recall whether or not you've commented on post-acute withdrawal syndrome, but even if you have, this might be a good time to revisit a forum or articles that deal with this.
It's great that you can talk about here...there, and everywhere.
What you're experiencing is perfectly normal -- expectable -- in early sobriety. And, mercifully, it's also transient. When I first got sober, hyperactivity seemed to help, be even after days filled with work, exercise and other kinds of activity, the was still buzzing. Some people report that they become emotionally flat and cognitively slow, another, different slice of hell.
With all those previously dulled neurons firing, increased brain activity is the norm, even to the extent that this makes us feel crazy. Your brain needs time to heal and to re-adjust to life without alcohol.
I don't recall whether or not you've commented on post-acute withdrawal syndrome, but even if you have, this might be a good time to revisit a forum or articles that deal with this.
It's great that you can talk about here...there, and everywhere.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by GroundhogDay 
Oh gosh, I need the answer to this question too. Work stress and alcohol abuse are a "chicken and egg" problem for me.
Some people cry for relief, others push their bodies in different types of workouts, and still others drink. I've known people whose alone time often consists of regularly weeping. The tremendous support I got in AA truly helped me to get to a better place, a place I could never find on my own.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Nuudawn,
love the "greater gobs of sobriety"!
yeah okay, i have some of those (a few years). and not only was i highly reactionary and extra sensitive, almost everyone who's shown up and stuck around on my first recovery forum remarks on that. the thin skin and constantly stepped on toes and the dwelling and trying to discern....
some of it will ease, some of it you'll learn with and get more skilled.
keep going.
no, it won't always be this raw.
love the "greater gobs of sobriety"!
yeah okay, i have some of those (a few years). and not only was i highly reactionary and extra sensitive, almost everyone who's shown up and stuck around on my first recovery forum remarks on that. the thin skin and constantly stepped on toes and the dwelling and trying to discern....
some of it will ease, some of it you'll learn with and get more skilled.
keep going.
no, it won't always be this raw.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
"stages" of recovery
this is from a handout i got years ago. don't know who the author is, so no-one gets the credit, but do know many have said it's been of help to them.
if it's not appropriate here, maybe a moderator can put it where it fits better.
withdrawal stage(1 to 2 weeks): people who drank alcohol in large amounts may have severe withdrawal symptoms. these may include nausea,low energy, anxiety, shakiness, depression, intense emotions, insomnia, irritability, difficulty concentrating and memory problems. these symptoms typically last 3 to 5 days, but can last up to several weeks.
early abstinence (4 weeks; follows withdrawal): for people who used alcohol, this period is marked most by the brain's recovery. although the physical withdrawal symptoms have ended, the client's brain is still getting used to the absence of the substance. thinking may be unclear, concentration may be poor, nervousness and anxiety may be troubling, sleep is often irregular, and, in many ways, life feels too intense.
protracted abstinence (2 to 5 months; follows early abstinence): from six weeks to five months after clients stop using, they may experience a variety of annoying and troublesome symptoms. these symptoms -difficulties with thoughts and feelings- are caused buy the continual healing process in the brain. this period is called 'The Wall'. it is important for clients to be aware that some of the feelings during this period are the result of changes in brain chemistry. if clients remain abstinent, the feelings will pass. the most common symptoms are depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low energy and a general lack of enthusiasm. clients also may experience strong cravings during protracted abstinence. relapse risk goes up during this period. it is helpful to stay focused on staying abstinent one day at a time. exercise helps tremendously during this period. for most clients, completing this phase in recovery is a major achievement.
readjustment (2 months; follows protracted abstinence):after five months, the brain has recovered substantially. now the client's main task is developing a life that has fulfilling activities that support continued recovery. because cravings occur less often and feel less intense, clients may be less aware of relapse risk and put themselves in high-risk situations and increase their relapse risk.
avoiding relapse drift: relapse does not happen without warning, and it usually does not happen quickly. the gradual movement from abstinence to relapse can be subtle and often underestimated. so it often feels as if it happens suddenly. this slow movement away from abstinence can be compared to a ship gradually drifting away from where it was moored. the drifting movement can be so slow that you don't even notice it.
during recovery, people do specific things that keep them abstinent. these activities can be called "mooring lines". try and see what you are doing to keep yourself abstinent. list the mooring lines in a specific way so they are clear and measurable. these activities are the "ropes" that hold recovery in place and prevent relapse drift from happening without being noticed......
(.....here follows a chart of a column to list all specific mooring lines( for example going to gym, reading sobriety stuff, recreational activities, peer support activities et cetera) followed by columns for the days of the week. i don't know how to do charts on the computer, so use your imagination)
it is helpful to complete you mooring lines chart weekly. place a checkmark next to each mooring line that you know is secure and record the date. when two or more items cannot be checked, it may mean that relapse drift is happening. .....blablabla..... use the chart to recognize when you are more likely to relapse and decide what to do to keep this from happening.
this is from a handout i got years ago. don't know who the author is, so no-one gets the credit, but do know many have said it's been of help to them.
if it's not appropriate here, maybe a moderator can put it where it fits better.
withdrawal stage(1 to 2 weeks): people who drank alcohol in large amounts may have severe withdrawal symptoms. these may include nausea,low energy, anxiety, shakiness, depression, intense emotions, insomnia, irritability, difficulty concentrating and memory problems. these symptoms typically last 3 to 5 days, but can last up to several weeks.
early abstinence (4 weeks; follows withdrawal): for people who used alcohol, this period is marked most by the brain's recovery. although the physical withdrawal symptoms have ended, the client's brain is still getting used to the absence of the substance. thinking may be unclear, concentration may be poor, nervousness and anxiety may be troubling, sleep is often irregular, and, in many ways, life feels too intense.
protracted abstinence (2 to 5 months; follows early abstinence): from six weeks to five months after clients stop using, they may experience a variety of annoying and troublesome symptoms. these symptoms -difficulties with thoughts and feelings- are caused buy the continual healing process in the brain. this period is called 'The Wall'. it is important for clients to be aware that some of the feelings during this period are the result of changes in brain chemistry. if clients remain abstinent, the feelings will pass. the most common symptoms are depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low energy and a general lack of enthusiasm. clients also may experience strong cravings during protracted abstinence. relapse risk goes up during this period. it is helpful to stay focused on staying abstinent one day at a time. exercise helps tremendously during this period. for most clients, completing this phase in recovery is a major achievement.
readjustment (2 months; follows protracted abstinence):after five months, the brain has recovered substantially. now the client's main task is developing a life that has fulfilling activities that support continued recovery. because cravings occur less often and feel less intense, clients may be less aware of relapse risk and put themselves in high-risk situations and increase their relapse risk.
avoiding relapse drift: relapse does not happen without warning, and it usually does not happen quickly. the gradual movement from abstinence to relapse can be subtle and often underestimated. so it often feels as if it happens suddenly. this slow movement away from abstinence can be compared to a ship gradually drifting away from where it was moored. the drifting movement can be so slow that you don't even notice it.
during recovery, people do specific things that keep them abstinent. these activities can be called "mooring lines". try and see what you are doing to keep yourself abstinent. list the mooring lines in a specific way so they are clear and measurable. these activities are the "ropes" that hold recovery in place and prevent relapse drift from happening without being noticed......
(.....here follows a chart of a column to list all specific mooring lines( for example going to gym, reading sobriety stuff, recreational activities, peer support activities et cetera) followed by columns for the days of the week. i don't know how to do charts on the computer, so use your imagination)
it is helpful to complete you mooring lines chart weekly. place a checkmark next to each mooring line that you know is secure and record the date. when two or more items cannot be checked, it may mean that relapse drift is happening. .....blablabla..... use the chart to recognize when you are more likely to relapse and decide what to do to keep this from happening.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Last night I had an incident that I keep dwelling on. It's like a bee buzzing round my brain that I can't get rid of. I don't recall dwelling like this before. Did my "wine cloud" keep me dulled?
Are you working a recovery program or just hoping that the dry-drunk effects eventually dissipate?
I tried to intellectualize the problem for years. I walked around with no skin at all, just waiting to be offended 'cause it seemed like everyone had rock salt. Alcohol was my solution, and when that quit working, I didn't have one. You'll get as many opinions on this forum as there are people, with one exception. The majority of people here who are staying sober and living a sane and happy life seem to have one thing in common. I suggest sticking with the winners. There is a solution with measured results.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
... I work in the service industry and have had some extremely challenging guests dumping their own crap on me.
Being of service to others is a critical part of my recovery. And being of service to those who don't deserve to get any help, is extra special good karma.
"You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need."
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
The old priest in my recovery home in '89 called me thin skinned and thick headed. He was right.
All the best.
Bob R
All the best.
Bob R
And Fini...THANK YOU for the information about the recovery process!!. I would like to save that post to refer to ..or heck print out and carry it everywhere : )
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by skg
Are you working a recovery program or just hoping that the dry-drunk effects eventually dissipate?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Yeah, I went through that a lot too - and I still do. I'm almost (crosses fingers) at one year alcohol-free, and I notice that intense moments drive me absolutely up the wall. Work and travel stress situations become do-or-die moments for me. I've found that it's not the ALCOHOL itself that I crave...it's escape. I just want to crawl away into a safe place and have a drink or six, and watch TV. That was my M.O.A. when times got tough in the past. Today, when my brain starts buzzing like that I know I need to chill out and work on some mental relaxation techniques.
You might have this desire to "run and hide" when stress surfaces also, and in the past you probably used alcohol to cope. It makes that stress go away quick, doesn't it? You might think about trying to better identify your triggers and, as odd as it sounds, try and "manage your mood" as soon as you recognize it.
I don't want to get all Zen on you here, but I think you might also want to start examining the way you process things. Maybe there's a new philosophy you need to grasp. A complete change in the way you approach life.
Cutting out the alcohol is a huge step, but in my experience that was just the tip of the iceberg. There is a bigger journey that awaits, maybe you're ready to take the first step.
You might have this desire to "run and hide" when stress surfaces also, and in the past you probably used alcohol to cope. It makes that stress go away quick, doesn't it? You might think about trying to better identify your triggers and, as odd as it sounds, try and "manage your mood" as soon as you recognize it.
I don't want to get all Zen on you here, but I think you might also want to start examining the way you process things. Maybe there's a new philosophy you need to grasp. A complete change in the way you approach life.
Cutting out the alcohol is a huge step, but in my experience that was just the tip of the iceberg. There is a bigger journey that awaits, maybe you're ready to take the first step.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
You might think about trying to better identify your triggers and, as odd as it sounds, try and "manage your mood" as soon as you recognize it.
It is my understanding that the pull to relapse starts long before picking up that first drink, and if enough pressure mounts..well, bye bye sobriety.
Hence the fear...and why I'm here : )
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Doesn't sound odd at all. Thank you! In all honesty, I posted here because I recognized that "buzzing" was not conducive to my "peace" so to speak and I wanted to cut it off at the pass so to speak....
Okay, so you know you need to do something. What is it? The reason I brought up life philosophy is because I often got advice like "take a walk" or "read quietly". Those DO work, but they are just band-aids. Eventually you'll want to develop a new way of thinking, so that those things don't bother you in the first place. I suppose 1 month is a little early to start that process - I used band-aids for months, just to make sure I didn't drink. But you seem pretty mature and thoughtful, which is why I broached the subject of a broader makeover.
Wish I could be more specific, but different things work for different people. Maybe this is something you can talk with your therapist about? Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: US
Posts: 637
Thanks for that post, Fini. During the 1st month I was sorta giddy with all the positive changes (no hangovers!). The 2nd month was more difficult because I was jumpy and restless. Exercise, often intense, helps me by adding feel good endorphins. It's also while exercising that I mentally work thru some of the problems. I'm at 6 months now and continue to feel better with more confidence of what can be accomplished with sobriety. Drinking just put off problems that had to be later dealt with while hungover. What a waste I was.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
Hi Nuudawn 
. Ugh, service! I can be thin-skinned too. I have about 27 months sober. Work is such a big part of ones day and I sure know the public can be difficult.
Since I have really been aware of my own people burn out, I've been changing my way of thinking at work. One thing I always keep in mind is that I may very well be the only person who is kind to this individual all day or even all week. What must they be going thru? I want to put out all good energy in my little world. No, I don't always succeed.
I try to practice gratitude. I am very grateful to have these individuals in my life. It pays my bills and I can take care of myself.
(I used to drink a lot at work and on the way to work in the am's so I sure know about the booze haze dulling the aggravation.)
I know it's hard at time, making these times of changes, but it is working for me. Very best wishes to you! Nice work on the sobriety
. Ugh, service! I can be thin-skinned too. I have about 27 months sober. Work is such a big part of ones day and I sure know the public can be difficult.Since I have really been aware of my own people burn out, I've been changing my way of thinking at work. One thing I always keep in mind is that I may very well be the only person who is kind to this individual all day or even all week. What must they be going thru? I want to put out all good energy in my little world. No, I don't always succeed.
I try to practice gratitude. I am very grateful to have these individuals in my life. It pays my bills and I can take care of myself.
(I used to drink a lot at work and on the way to work in the am's so I sure know about the booze haze dulling the aggravation.)
I know it's hard at time, making these times of changes, but it is working for me. Very best wishes to you! Nice work on the sobriety
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Prairie Village, KS
Posts: 264
Great post Nu. I've had a horrible week and a half at work which I pretty much brought on myself. I'm experiencing a lot of fear and paranoia that I'm going to be fired. I know I just need to calm down, breathe and pray. Also, when the day is done, no matter how it turned out, I need to put it behind me and start fresh the next day. Congrats on your 30 days.
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