missylou

60 yr old retired female who drinks 2 bottles of wine a night. I have tried rehabs, AA, WFS, Lifering, & Smart meetings. I have been put on Antabuse & even tried Church at times, oh and I almost forgot therapy. The most I have received sobriety with, was Lifering. I can physically feel my body starting to shut down. I have had a few things checked out but they find nothing. I am not honest about my drinking. I retired too soon, boredom has become a drink fest. Plus, financially it was too soon. I appear to be fairly functional, younger than I feel, smart, funny & got it together! HA, what a joke. I am miserable, lonely, scared, worried, couch potato-ish, fast food-ish & weak when it comes to Chardonnay(I like the twist-tops because I threw my wine opener away along time ago including my wine glasses because I actually thought that would help me to stop drinking). I am moving to a house in 3 days with my alcoholic youngest daughter & my grandaughter, mainly because my grown daughter is a HOT MESS! I could really write a book on my childhood, my children's issues & my issues, my ex's issues, but in public we all look wonderful except for my alcoholic red face, my swollen belly, & dried up skin. Anyhow, this is a cry for help or an understanding that people do find help & I should not give up.

legna

Well missy, there is hope. I'm a hope to die drunk pulled back from death and given a second chance. Dying really helped give me the gift of desperation that I found necessary to quit. You've tried it all and if you're like me, lied through your teeth and tried to hang on to your way of life while making a half-hearted attempt to get sober.

No sense getting brutally honest and giving it your all because you were afraid each of these methods would fail and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Who wants to play their last card? I mean, if you give it everything you have and this doesn't work... you're out of options right? No hope.

You've seen all the methods, you know all the games. And you're the only one who knows just how scared you are. I was too. My 270 pound frame was down to 120. I had lost everything. On the streets, delirious, never really drew a sober breath for years. I too felt my body shutting down. Finally my heart said enough and it quit. Six minutes later an ambulance arrived and they somehow restarted my heart. I've got permanent damage sure enough - brain damage, nerve damage, multiple heart attacks...

But I also have 21 years sober today. I rebuilt my life. I'm enjoying my children and grandchildren today and today - they want me in their life. I'm married to the world's most wonderful woman and she thinks I'm pretty special too. My father isn't one to change his mind on things, he's pretty firm in his beliefs and once they're there - they're there for good...except once when he looked me in the eye and said, "I've always taught you that people don't change. I was wrong. You changed; and I've never been more proud of anyone in my life."

If you want it, you can have it. It's not too late. I was dead and it wasn't too late for me...you can have a life that you've never dreamed possible. But people like you and I - we can't hold back cause it's going to take everything you've got.

Dee74

If I know one thing there's always hope Missy.

I look at myself now and me back when I was drinking and I know there's hope.

there's hundreds of other stories here too, just like mine

It's not the easiest thing you'll ever do, but a drinking life isn't exactly easy either.

You're not alone - there's a lot of support here - welcome

D

BarbieKen

Missy you said, "I am not honest about my drinking". I am hopeful for you Missy. I'm 7 1/2 months sober, also 55 years old. I drank 2 bottles of Cabernet a night. Add on Baileys in the Winter or Cranberry & Vodka when it was warm. I also am married to a husband who joined a 12 Step program 7 1/2 YEARS ago. And a son (21) who will be 5 years sober in November. THEIR SOBRIETY MEANT NOTHING, to me and my disease! My brain kept insisting I only had a "problem", sometimes " I drank too much". Letters read to me from my crying son meant nothing to me, I told him I wasn't done drinking. My husband remained positive....and absent as much as possible. I had a glimpse of what I call 'sanity' back in November. My family, at my request, drove me to De-tox hospital. I felt I could actually die if I quit cold turkey. Turns out that is a very real concern, my Doctor's at De-tox confirmed. After 3 days, My family drove me to a women's rehab ( that had been recommended to me in the past, it stuck somewhere in my pickled brain). So, yes I'll have hope for you my friend. When you're ready, things can miraculously begin. :-D Bobbi

adelaine041

There is always help. You just want to start it on yourself. Build you dedication in order to make sure you can gain enough courage to permanently flee from alcohol addiction.

Nuudawn

That's where your lover "alcohol" has left you.....where it left us all. It lies...tell you it will make it all better. It doesn't...

Leave it today. Join us.

GracieLou

This was me. Every word except the Chardonnay, I was a whiskey drinker. They come with screw caps and I needed no special glass, just some ice and diet Coke.

I tried AA in the past. Nine years ago I went but it thought it was not really for me. I thought I could go and get all the information and the tools and I could fix myself. That is not the case. Yes, I have to put in the effort and that effort is what has slowly but surely changed my way of thinking.

I am 100 days sober as of yesterday. I go to AA meetings so I can get support and to hear others tell their story, just as you have told your story. Their stories and experiences help me to remain sober. They are a daily reminder of where I was and how far I have come. Just as when I tell my story it can help others. Our experiences are all we have, but that is more than enough for others that are in the same place we are.

I have a sponsor. I work with her on the steps. I have real trust issues. I have only trusted me. I felt others had let me down so relying on them was not an option. I did not want to be hurt again, ever. Then I got to a place I could not trust myself. So I reached out to AA and to my sponsor. I trust her. She has always been there for me every single time I called.

Then I had to place my trust is a higher power. I had to stop trying to control everything and everybody. I honestly did not think I was doing this but it became clear that I was. I expected people to behave or respond in a certain way and when they did not I created resentments. Those are my biggest issue and while many may not have been my making I held on to them so much that I let them direct or define my actions.

I found help and you can too. I do understand. I have been were you are and even though I only have a short time living sober the changes in me and my life have been amazing. If someone told me that I would feel the way I do now three months ago, I would have raised my whiskey filled glass to them.

It all started with one day, hell sometimes one hour. Reaching out on here is a big step. Don't dismiss it. It is a step in the right direction

tomsteve

"I am not honest about my drinking."

getting rigorously honest was one of the keys for me getting sober, honest with myself. everyone else already knew.

"I have tried rehabs, AA, WFS, Lifering, & Smart meetings. I have been put on Antabuse & even tried Church at times, oh and I almost forgot therapy"

trying anything leads me to many failures. doing helps a lot. but theres a lot of footwork and patience involved. I didn't get were I was overnight so it was gonna take T.I.M.E. to get out from under it all.

DylanS

Hi MissyLou, welcome to SR. I'm glad you're here - it's difficult when so many methods have failed, but just the fact that you're here proves you DO want to get and stay sober. Hang on to that.

I really related to, " I threw my wine opener away along time ago including my wine glasses because I actually thought that would help me to stop drinking". In one of my attempts at moderation, I switched to wine, then got rid of all the wine-drinking paraphernalia, and yep, I also thought it would help me stop.

I know you've tried a lot of methods, but as someone else mentioned, you may want to check out a medical detox...alcohol w/d, can be physically dangerous.

Legna and BarbieKen - wow, thanks for posting. Amazing, inspiring experiences. Thank you.

Isaiah

Hi Missy,

I know a little of the feeling of "I've tried everything." I've been in that state myself. What got me past was that I was willing to give things second, third or fourth tries if need be. For me that meant I had to put aside a lot of the expectations & doubts I had about AA, therapy, etc. and I had to put an almost blind trust that if I just did it eventually the little miracles would start happening.

You shouldn't give up, indeed. There is not one alcoholic alive who is hopeless. If we're struggling it's because there's something inside us or outside us that we're missing and haven't found yet.

2granddaughters

missylou:

My life became like Humpty Dumpty .. and Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty together again.

And Humpty couldn't put himself either.

But AA could .. and is ..... daily.


All the best.

Bob R

Fandy

You are moving in with your youngest daughter who is an alcoholic and your granddaughter.

Please think of what your drinking and your daughter's drinking is doing to this child..(IDK, is she a child? teenager?). What are you teaching her? If you care enough, use this as motivation too.
You retired too early? GASP! get a job.....find some purpose, use your talents and don't waste your life. If you want to be sober, you can be.

FBL

There is help for you, but it's gotta start with YOU. You're the only one that can make the decision to quit, but you've gotta want to get sober more than you want to get drunk.

If you do decide to quit, you'll find lots of support here.

whiskeyman

oh i remember this step. How come nothing is working. I tried all these things and nothing is working dammit.

Oh, the only thing not working was me.

like i said i tried it all and the only thing that saved my life was AA, my higher power and me.

I made a decision.

EndGameNYC

Google the "Pareto Principle." Named after an Italian economist, it was thereafter applied to a wide range of economic and social conditions.

Applying the principle within the present context, 80% of the work accomplished by those in recovery is done by 20% of the people who seek recovery. Without a conscious decision and the perseverance required to do the often daunting work involved in getting and staying sober, any one individual's chances to succeed are not great.

missylou

I thought I would reply to my own thread to bump this thread up again. Three months later I am living with my daughter & granddaughter, it was an absolutely horrible move, I have a very annoying hands on landlady who probably texts me several times a week, my daughter got diagnosed as minor bipolar & was put on lithium & is doing actually pretty well with it. The house is huge & I feel I spend my days off running errands & cleaning. Bottom line is I am still drinking. Now 61, alcoholic fatty liver, started antidepressant, I might ask for naltrexone. Last night after a therapy appointment I stopped to have a glass at a restaurant & I have no clue how many, how I drove home, fell going up the stairs to my bedroom, broke my glasses, found myself on the floor in my bedroom, called in sick today. This has never happened before. I am checking out a recovery coach. I feel hopeless. I wish I could talk with someone over phone, is that possible here, someone my age, I just don't know anymore.

honeypie

Missy, please get help..

I heard a saying today in AA from a person: "You have to do it yourself, but you don't have to do it alone."

Thanks for posting, it means you are seeking help...as we are all...that is positive.

least

Is inpatient rehab possible? You need to jump start your recovery, get some sober time under your belt and dry out your brain, let it heal. I hope you get help.

doggonecarl

I don't know what that is, but it's a start. You can't do this by yourself. So seeking help is good. Getting help is even better. I'll second Least's suggestioin--rehab.

EndGameNYC

Hi missylou.

Recovery coaches represent a cottage industry that came into being because celebrities didn't want to use more public, conventional methods to get sober. Hiring one can be very costly, and will only work if you put in the work to stay sober. Even then, I think there's a conflict of interest on the part of the coach (I really don't like that term for a "recovery expert"), since most people dismiss them when they begin to feel confident in their sobriety; or in their accumulated dry time, whichever is more appropriate.

For me, no one individual was enough to keep me sober. I needed to immerse myself in an ongoing program of recovery which, for me, has been and is AA. Due in large part to my occupation and professional training, there were a number of treatment modalities at my fingertips, but none of them worked for me. I needed to work and then live the AA Big Book Twelve Steps.

I won't discourage you from seeking help of any kind, but you need to know what you're getting yourself into; I wouldn't recommend hiring a recovery coach to my patients or anyone else I know who is struggling to get sober, unless I thought there was a compelling reason to do so.

It seems to me from your comments that you're a somewhat private person who feels uncomfortable in group settings. I was the same way when I first got sober over thirty years ago. A recovery coach will not directly help you with any social anxiety you may experience, and may, if successful, convince you that it's better to remain alone in your struggles than otherwise.

The AA Twelve Steps are not simply a way to stay sober, but a design for living that will open doors in your life that you didn't even know were there. There is no mention in the Steps or the AA Big Book about how to stop drinking or any mention that we should not drink. It's all about living a better life. Combined with the caring fellowship that AA offers, you'll never again feel alone in your struggles.