Pushed it to the limit
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13
Pushed it to the limit
I wont bore you with how I got to where I was over the past 20+ years of every single day drinking but about seven years ago it got worse. Instead of just drinking a bunch of beer or a few stiff drinks every single night, I started doing both. eight to twelve beer and 5 to 8 shots of whatever was an average night. I was newly married and my wife was ready to leave me. So I stopped having booze in the house and turned to wine and beer.
It looked funny to have a beer bottle and a full glass of wine on my end table but it took both to get me to my happy place. That went on for a while until two years ago when we had a child. I still wouldn't keep hard booze around much. Only bought it for parties but I sure took pleasure in sneaking drinks out of the bottles until they were gone. Didn't matter what time of day. My wife thought I had just turned into a wine snob like her but it was nothing to drink two to three bottles a night and hide the bottles. As we ran low I would stop at the liquor store on the way home to buy three or four bottles and also a few mini bottles of vodka that I would down on the 5 minute trip home.
Then June 2012 I go in for a normal checkup and my Dr. says I have higher enzyme levels in my liver. I go to a specialist and he tells me not to drink as we plan some tests. Haha. I continue to drink and put off the other tests.
June 2013. I experience my forth time where I believe that my body is shutting down. I could feel something in my gut swelling. Last Thursday was my last drink. I woke up Friday and felt I was going to die. Not hung over which was weird because I only drank a bottle of wine but my body was telling me it was time.
I thought about quitting before but I wasn't ready. For some reason, last Friday was it. I wrote myself a long email as to why I need to stop drinking, how it was impacting my life and my future. I went home early and loaded up every bit of beer and wine I had and took it all to a good friend of mine. Not a single drop was still in my house.
Friday night was ok. Sure I missed my habit of course but with tea and TV I was fine. It was weird taking more than 10 seconds to fall asleep but I woke up Saturday for an early appointment and felt great. Saturday night was the same. I wanted a drink but was fine and went to bed with no issues. Last night, I wanted a drink. I did a quick search for the stray beer or bottle of wine I might have missed and half way through my search I re-read the email I sent myself and printed off and I was done with the search.
Odd thing it this. I still wake up in the morning and feel like I am cloudy. Cloudy like I felt when I always drank too much. Cloudy to the point that I felt like I always did when I would drive to work knowing I was still drunk at 7:00 AM. But I haven't had a drink in 3 to 4 days. I used the restroom a bit ago and my urine was just as golden yellow as if I had been drinking way too much last night too.
It looked funny to have a beer bottle and a full glass of wine on my end table but it took both to get me to my happy place. That went on for a while until two years ago when we had a child. I still wouldn't keep hard booze around much. Only bought it for parties but I sure took pleasure in sneaking drinks out of the bottles until they were gone. Didn't matter what time of day. My wife thought I had just turned into a wine snob like her but it was nothing to drink two to three bottles a night and hide the bottles. As we ran low I would stop at the liquor store on the way home to buy three or four bottles and also a few mini bottles of vodka that I would down on the 5 minute trip home.
Then June 2012 I go in for a normal checkup and my Dr. says I have higher enzyme levels in my liver. I go to a specialist and he tells me not to drink as we plan some tests. Haha. I continue to drink and put off the other tests.
June 2013. I experience my forth time where I believe that my body is shutting down. I could feel something in my gut swelling. Last Thursday was my last drink. I woke up Friday and felt I was going to die. Not hung over which was weird because I only drank a bottle of wine but my body was telling me it was time.
I thought about quitting before but I wasn't ready. For some reason, last Friday was it. I wrote myself a long email as to why I need to stop drinking, how it was impacting my life and my future. I went home early and loaded up every bit of beer and wine I had and took it all to a good friend of mine. Not a single drop was still in my house.
Friday night was ok. Sure I missed my habit of course but with tea and TV I was fine. It was weird taking more than 10 seconds to fall asleep but I woke up Saturday for an early appointment and felt great. Saturday night was the same. I wanted a drink but was fine and went to bed with no issues. Last night, I wanted a drink. I did a quick search for the stray beer or bottle of wine I might have missed and half way through my search I re-read the email I sent myself and printed off and I was done with the search.
Odd thing it this. I still wake up in the morning and feel like I am cloudy. Cloudy like I felt when I always drank too much. Cloudy to the point that I felt like I always did when I would drive to work knowing I was still drunk at 7:00 AM. But I haven't had a drink in 3 to 4 days. I used the restroom a bit ago and my urine was just as golden yellow as if I had been drinking way too much last night too.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13
Hmm, I don't know Bob. I am at the point where my early death is the primary reason I an trying to quit. I hope that other reasons become just as important. Fortunately, I am a very determined person. Can make no promises but I sure as heck will try.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Drink more water.
The cloudy thinking will pass if you stay sober. Regarding that, you might start thinking about a plan on how you are going to stay sober once the imminent fear of your death passes and the obession to drink takes hold.
The cloudy thinking will pass if you stay sober. Regarding that, you might start thinking about a plan on how you are going to stay sober once the imminent fear of your death passes and the obession to drink takes hold.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13
Thank you and I agree. That is why I am here reading. I know that I will get my liver healthy again by not drinking. my doctors (GP and Specialist) says it will heal quickly) and I don't want to go back to the days of waking up and downing a half bottle of white wine out of the bottle before driving to work or sneaking 4 to 5 mini bottles of vodka or whiskey at work and more on the way home only to drink 2 or 3 bottles of wine at night only to pass out and do it all over again. That is my fear.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I was surprised by the very same symptoms you describe. I was so dehydrated... my urine was still dark yellow I think two weeks after my last drink. I would wake up in the morning feeling even more hung over than normal.
My quit was actually pretty similar to yours... I knew I needed to, then my body freaked out and something just clicked in my brain.
I have to say, as a mid-to-high-functioning alcoholic, seeing that withdrawal did still apply to me was very surprising and really helped drive home the idea that I needed to do this for real.
Have you read much about withdrawal, particularly Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)? Learning more about the specific damage done to the brain and body has helped me appreciate more the time that I need to give myself. I expected to feel great after a week... in fact the first three months were pretty tough. But worth it.
My quit was actually pretty similar to yours... I knew I needed to, then my body freaked out and something just clicked in my brain.
I have to say, as a mid-to-high-functioning alcoholic, seeing that withdrawal did still apply to me was very surprising and really helped drive home the idea that I needed to do this for real.
Have you read much about withdrawal, particularly Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)? Learning more about the specific damage done to the brain and body has helped me appreciate more the time that I need to give myself. I expected to feel great after a week... in fact the first three months were pretty tough. But worth it.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Isn't it the ultimate in denial for us alcoholics that we are getting full on symptoms of impending death, like literal red flags waving in our faces "YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF" and yet somehow, someway, we still can justify drinking ?
This is your wake up call. Your Now or Never.
This is your wake up call. Your Now or Never.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13
I cant justify it... It was weird really. I have had countless handovers. I know what those feel like but last summer I had two episodes that were worse. I knew it was bad, like my body shutting down. Spring of this year I did it again after a Friday, Saturday, Sunday or hard drinking of whiskey, vodka, wine, for 20 hours a day with 4 hours sleep each night and then doing it again. I got the death feeling again. Last week was different. I really didn't drink that much in comparison and I feared I was going to die and not wake up. Then the lights went on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
The yellow pee might be a bit of jaundice.
I think it doesn't matter though.
Your time to quit is here.
Do it.
Drink plenty of water and get rest and sleep and nutrition and fresh air.
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
I think it doesn't matter though.
Your time to quit is here.
Do it.
Drink plenty of water and get rest and sleep and nutrition and fresh air.
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
It's only been 5 days, you cant expect to undo the effects of so much alcohol this quickly.
Try to drink at least 64 ounces of water (or decaff tea, no chemicals soda) every day.
And maybe a trip to doctor to tell him honestly how much you drank...so he has a starting point to gauge your LFTs. (Liver function tests).
I like the email to yourself...great idea.
You sound like you are doing well and have a lot of positives in your life. There is no wrong way to Be sober. Some people need a group ftf structure, some people don't. Whatever works for you to be sober, you will know you get support Here 24/7.
I've never experienced any paws symptoms..just past 2 years sober here...connect on SR everyday and am living a better life.
Try to drink at least 64 ounces of water (or decaff tea, no chemicals soda) every day.
And maybe a trip to doctor to tell him honestly how much you drank...so he has a starting point to gauge your LFTs. (Liver function tests).
I like the email to yourself...great idea.
You sound like you are doing well and have a lot of positives in your life. There is no wrong way to Be sober. Some people need a group ftf structure, some people don't. Whatever works for you to be sober, you will know you get support Here 24/7.
I've never experienced any paws symptoms..just past 2 years sober here...connect on SR everyday and am living a better life.
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