BarbieKen

Tomorrow morning my Sponsor and I are driving to the beach to do my 4th Step. I'm anxious, thinking I haven't done it 'right' or don't have enough resentments etc ....This is crazy thinking, why do I feel like I'm taking a test? Am I going overboard?

EndGameNYC

No, you're not going overboard. Self reflection is an easy task for anyone with a clean slate. As for the other 99% of the population, it's an opportunity to acknowledge our limitations and then grow from the acceptance that often comes with such an enterprise. There is no right or wrong in doing a 4th Step. I've learned that it's similar to a more-or-less process that, when we do things well, will remain a powerful tool and a source of strength for the rest of our lives.

I love that you're doing this at the beach. Nothing like cleansing your soul with a boundless ocean of possibilities in front of you.

Clear your mind and allow yourself a restful sleep. Maybe not right away, but you've got a lot to look forward to.

BarbieKen

MIghtyMouse, thank you for your share. My bread is just chatting away,even though I tell it to turn it down Bobbi! This constant activity hasn't occurred since early recovery I do need to just shut my eyes, pray, and go to sleep. Thanks again. Good night.

sugarbear1

If you've written that 4th step and are going to the beach for your 5th step, it may just be the worst night of sleep you'll have in recovery due to working the steps. Everything will be fresh in your mind and if you follow up with steps 6 & 7 (see Verita's post in the 12 step forum on steps 4, 5, 6 & 7 from barefoot bill's website), the relief and freedom you feel tomorrow will be an awesome sober beginning for you!!!

omegasupreme

My first one, and each subsequent one, was fearless and searching based on the ability I had to be fearless and searching at the time I took it. It had maybe 6-8 resentments on it. That was all I had the ability to see.

The important part is doing it. Inventory will be an ongoing process if one wishes stay the duration of this marathon.

Typically I will spend more time on things like designing the width of the columns(metric or standard), notebook paper or legal tablet, typed or written(this can lead to an Excel vs Word debate, wow that animated paperclip is helpful!), blue ink or black, did I punctuate properly(dot my i's with smiley faces right?), etc.

I am a master of using the steps to avoid the steps because if I'm always working on the inventory then I never have to look at the exact nature of my wrongs in step 5, mess with defect removal in 6 & 7, clean it up in 8 & 9, or go help others. That appeals to the alcoholic ego. Unfortunately my experience shows that avoidance of this vital step results in a drink or suicide.

If you miss something in inventory you'll know it. Certain things are not evadable. I can sidestep items for weeks or even months, but let a 'missed' piece of inventory crawl around my insides for a year...or two and my world starts coming undone from the inside out. Without that freedom I die. How free do you want to be?

Boleo

Welcome to the spiritual path. It takes many struggle/surrender cycles to make significant progress. You have to struggle 100% before you can surrender 100%. After getting some results, you will appreciate the body-builder's slogan "No pain, No gain".

2granddaughters

You are right where I was in the beginning. Don't get too upset or expect perfection.

It's like your sponsor is taking you to the beach and handing you a guitar... don't expect to play like Clapton

You will do fine. Welcome to the middle Steps (4-9). A big step in the right direction. Your sponsor is saving your life ... be sure to say "Thank you"

All the best.

Bob R

BarbieKen

Hi friends,
Thank you, thank you for sharing your wisdom. I overslept (mmmm avoidance me thinks) this morning. So ,skipped breakfast and shower and made it to our planned parking spot. Took my sponsor's car and headed out. We talked about all sorts of stuff in the car. We decided to take a tourist drive to Malibu. So, I saw parts of Beverly Hills, Robertson Blvd,Rodeo Drive, WeHo, ,Venice, Santa Monica, Zuma Beach, Point Magu Point. We had lunch at Neptune's on PCH in Malibu. So, when are we doing my 4th?? Finally at Balboa Wetlands area, we parked the car off the side of the road. A bench was there all by itself. Mallord Ducks (we thought that's the kind) peacefully swam, birds of all kinds and some odd bird noisestoo. THEN, came the time. I talked, she listened. Asked me important questions . This went on for an hour...a pause, silence, ya, that's about it. I now have a major goodbye letter to write. My sponsor feels that will release my stuffed anger for this person. IDK, I'm pooped,yet I also am feeling "is that it?" That's doing a 4th Step?? I will re-read your posts here tomorrow. I've only read as far as the 4th, I choose not to read ahead. I think I'll read posts here now. Get me out of me for the night.

sugarbear1

I spent about 5 hours in a discussion with my sponsor where I listened as well as talked. Then I was given directions for the 6th & 7th to do before bed (the second time, the first time I did 6 & 7 with my sponsor in the house with me). We discussed my part and several things were glaring at me--which was discussed together.

Call your sponsor to find out if this was it.

And yeah, it isn't what we think it's going to be!

visch1

Hi. As so many I also feared the 4th. My fears were relaxed when someone mentioned that doing it was for ME, not a press release in the NYT. It was said that if we're having difficulty with a step go review the previous one. A big fear that many have is doing the 5th. Try to remember EASY DOES IT AND ONE STEP AT A TIME. BE WELL

BarbieKen

Sugarbear,
So, next is the 6/7th Steps. I know they're next, but I haven't even read ahead. She didn't mention those steps yesterday. Just to work on the goodbye letter to this person. Also, I kept writing I was doing the 4th with my Sponsor. I think you guys knew I was referring to the 5th...
Thanks again for the support. I really love the people on this board for helping each other.
:-D. Bobbi

EndGameNYC

Steps 6 and 7 are a natural progression from Steps 4 and 5. Step 6 is about willingness, and Step 7 is a short prayer in the Big Book. They're often done together with Steps 4 and 5.

BarbieKen

MightyMouse thanks again, I am going to read Step 6 tomorrow.

EndGameNYC

Ha! I'm not really Mighty Mouse. That's just my avatar.

BarbieKen

I loved that cartoon when I was a little girl. Hope it's ok I use your 'alias'. :-). Bobbi

EndGameNYC

I think it's neat that you use my alias. I loved that cartoon too. Also Top Cat, Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse, and my all-time favorite, Bugs Bunny. He's a great role model. He's secure in his sexual identity as evidenced by his singing while dressed in women's clothing; he's assertive, but only fights when he's forced into a corner; is able to enjoy time with himself; is clever enough to get himself out of trouble; and has a healthy diet and a great attitude.