cascademn

Hi SR peeps.
So I had a really bad day. Got emotionally blind-sided by my soon to be x-wife, whom I love very much BTW, panicked and grabbed for alcohol. Not a lot, but enough. I need to make a plan for the next time this happens and it will happen. Some vital means of support that I can reach out to before I reach for that first drink. I'll be thinking on this over the next day or so. Can't wait to get back to sobriety. It has felt really good. Previously, I had been dry since 1/6/2013. Time to reset the clock. All my love and thanks to the SR people for helping me get this far.
Yours,
cas

Nuudawn

Hey Cas..so sorry you made the choice for the ole self destructive, within reach, ole standby answer for frustration and stress. Solves nothing does it? No emotional muscle built...no miracle solution..just suspended your emotion for a moment..and well, kinda raped ya and left you with nothing.

BUT..blessings and bright hope for you to get right back on the horse and ride

EndGameNYC

Hey. Welcome back.

My marriage ended because of my drinking. Love is not what we say, it's what we do.

I too was in love with my wife when she left, and I endured daily heartbreak for three years, while increasing my drinking dramatically. Ironically, it was the continuing suffering I experienced after she left that speeded up my decision to get sober.

There's no way around it: heartbreak is heartbreak. I found both comfort and sobriety in AA. My relationships with the people I met in AA were much more healing for me than my friends or family, despite their best efforts to help.

I wish I could give you wise counsel on this, but I'm at a loss. It took about four years for me to accept that my wife and I couldn't stay married because of my drinking. But by the time I'd realized things had changed for the better for me, it had already been going on for some time.

For now, I imagine the best thing you can do for yourself is to get as much help and support as you can.

Grungehead

Have you come up with some type of recovery plan to stay sober cas? Give it some thought. Do some reading on the different methods available and see if one clicks with you that you might like to try. I find I need close knit support early in sobriety whether that's going to a lot of AA meetings and working with my sponsor (which is what I do), or finding an alternative method with or without meetings. Some use a combination of methods to find the right balance. Some lean heavily on SR for their support. Just try to come up with a plan that you think you can incorporate into your daily life.`

You need to get into the "habit of sobriety" to replace the "habit of drinking".

Mountainmanbob

cascademn

Everyone, thanks so much for your candor. I've been thinking about all of these things today. I've got a good support system, but I chose to drink instead of activating it. The simplest thing? Don't take that first drink.

ElegantlyWasted

" emotionally blind-sided " That caused my "slip" too. An argument out of nowhere. I knew I shouldn't, but just said f-it and slammed and 12 pack. I was "just" one day in the last 65, but I need to be honest with myself and get it into my head that what I did was an incredibly inane coping strategy. So instead of being on day 65, its 16.

"Some vital means of support that I can reach out to before I reach"

We're all different, but there has to be some sort of fail safe go to strategy IMHO. I simply been focusing on the fact that the first couple of beers didn't taste good and the rest did not alleviate any real problems. I've felt the f-it AV command since, but I feel I'm doing a decent job of reprogramming myself on a lot of levels. The 24 hr thread here really keeps it "real" for me. Sorry for the ramble and awesome for posting instead of going for an indefinite tour of lala land!

EndGameNYC

Actually, the simplest thing would be to take that first drink. The most natural, and often enough, the most important thing we do is drink. Whether we use AA, a therapist trained in treating addictions, or a residential treatment program, sobriety demands work that is above and beyond what comes natural to us. If it were a simple thing to stop and to stay stopped, we wouldn't be writing about it here

cascademn

EndGameNYC, I see your point. From my perspective, not taking that first drink is simple, but...there is a lot of scaffolding behind it. There have been many, many times over the last 6 months where I leaned on that scaffolding and did not take that first drink. It took a lot of work to get to that point. The dumb thing for me is not leaning on all that hard work when the fever comes.

EndGameNYC

I don't believe that any of us is "dumb" when we reach for that first drink. We go through a long and often tedious process of unlearning a powerful habit, a way of being and a way of coping with unwanted feelings and situations that's thoroughly ingrained in us. Often it takes one or two or a number of "false starts" for us to feel safe, though even then, there are times when we lose perspective, for lack of a better word, just as we sometimes lose perspective in other areas of our lives.

One of the things I've learned to like about this site is that there are a variety of ways that people use to stay safe. Like eating habits, our drinking "habits" are extremely rigid and resistant to change. This is only one reason why dieting and in similar ways, moderating/abstaining from drink, is so difficult. As others have commented before, many of us need to avail ourselves of all the help and support we can get.