pinktee18

My mom lives in a fantasy world where she thinks everything is okay she doesn't think anything is wrong with me I was so upset last night I took 4 klonopin to calm down because I was that worked up. I've been trying to figure out how to go to AA without her knowing and I found a cheap rehab program, but I don't know how I will be able to sneak off to that since I don't have transportation without walking forever to a bus and she will be pissed I'm using her and my dad's insurance. I also just got my job hours cut back to one day a week so I'm looking for a new job. It all feels so hopeless I want help and I'm open to it, but it's like I have to jump through a million hoops to get it and I don't even know if I can attend every session since it's from morning until evening. I hope something can be worked out somehow someway. I just wish I didn't have to beg my mom to get help when I know something isn't right with me.

Sudz No More

Will your Mom be upset if you tell her? Have you thought about a weekly counselor such as a Psychologist? That may be easier for you and still effective.

Sorry that you think your parents wouldn't support you with insurance. If you have a heart to heart maybe they will be open arms to help you.

Starflyer

Sending good thoughts your way, pinktee!

pinktee18

She tells me its all in my head and that I'm just costing her money. I've been to the psych ward before in the past and to let her allow me to see a therapist every other week i was on the ground last Christmas Eve crying. She only has a problem with me thinking I need pills for everything, but doesn't think rehab is worth the cost. For those who have parents who understand or who would help your kids they are lucky. When I came home from my first AA meeting and she saw my book she basically shrugged it off as I was wasting my time there.

pinktee18

I even admitted to her that I tried to kill myself one night and she went into a yelling tirade saying it was so stupid and on and on. Not is there anything I can do to help you.

artsoul

Maybe you could have the people who did your assessment for the outpatient program or someone else in the rehab program talk to your mom(?)..... Or you could talk to the rehab place about payment over time (that's what I did and they were very understanding, even made the payments quite low so that it would fit into my budget).

Since you had your work hours cut, it does seem like it would be a good time to do some kind of program. I hope it works out for you....

Nuudawn

Oh my Pinktee. First of all, congratulations to you for your courage and willingness to get help. I am so so sorry that you are not blessed with a mother able to truly see her daughter. Forgive me for my dime store analysis, but my best guess is your mom is seeing this as some sort of reflection of her..some weakness on her part...it is borderline narcissistic and not at unusual to families that are the hotbed of addiction.
Do whatever you can and need to do for you...it is unlikely you will find the support from your mother at this time...so fight like a lion to find it elsewhere. This is your battle..not hers..and you're sounding like a warrior. I'm awed by your desire to fight for you ..when you're still so young. You got the spirit...you go girl.

Soberpotamus

Sorry to hear she doesn't seem to understand, Pinktee. I hope you find a way to get the help you need. I would think there's a way for you to find free or sliding scale rehab, and of course, AA is free. SR is free. Good luck also on finding a new job.

I know the feeling of others not thinking you need help, thinking that you are ok or functional... but inside knowing you are barely holding it together outwardly... hang in there.

Soberpotamus

+1 to this, and I can relate to this scenario as well, coming from a very dysfunctional family... it seems no one wanted to know I had a problem (and they all thought I was too intelligent to even have a problem... which really makes no sense at all, since intelligence has little do with addiction or mental illness), and if they did suspect a problem, I was ridiculed or somehow blamed... so I quickly learned that I would leave my family far behind as soon as I could get to college, and that is what I did. I have minimal contact with only two family members.

EndGameNYC

Sounds like you're living in a counterfeit and aggressive reality in which the rules are made by an evil caretaker. Taking four klonopins just to feel less crazy in a crazy situation concerns me.

Your mom "will be pissed I'm using her and my dad's insurance?" Insurance has no value unless you use it. Would they be ashamed that somewhere in the information universe the fact that you had treatment for your considerable suffering will be recorded, and that this will in some way cast them in a negative light? Do you need to be on death's door to use their insurance? It doesn't sound to me that your mother is simply uninformed or misguided; what she's doing to you amounts to abuse.

Okay, that was mostly my stuff. Seems I've identified with your expectable frustrations. It's also heartbreaking to read your comment.

If you have your own insurance card, go immediately to your local mental health clinic, hospital clinic or private practitioner and ask to be seen immediately. Trained and empathic clinicians will quickly see the very real danger that you're in -- even though your initial contact will most likely be a phone call -- and go out of their way to see you. Even if you have to pay out-of-pocket for your first session, you need to talk to someone who appreciates all that damage your mother has been sweeping under your rug; someone who can reassure you that your feelings around all this aggressive craziness are quite normal.

As someone else suggested, ask the clinician about bringing in your mom, your dad or both on a subsequent visit.

BarbieKen

Pinktee,
You've gotten some really helpful suggestions here on SR this evening. Your family here understands the seriousness of your situation, addiction, & depression. Please do not stop looking for help in your community. Keeping you in my prayers. Bobbi

pinktee18

Thanks everyone she means well, but her motto is don't dwell on things which has meant no time to grieve pain I've suffered, but she was at least willing to let me talk to my therapist who feels I need more intensive treatment. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow when she's in a better mood.

wolfpackfan45

As a mother of a young alcoholic myself, it seems to me that she may be in denial herself. She may not want to face the fact that you have this disease. It's very, very scary for a parent to face the fact that their child has alcoholism. We feel out of control and helpless. Or as someone said above, she may see it as a reflection on her parenting skills (which just isn't so). I found that ever I learned of my son't problems I went through the stages of grief like when someone dies. One of those was denial and another was anger. Maybe this is what's going on. It sounds to me like she's in denial and not wanting to admit it to herself. I'm so sorry you don't have the support from your family. Please do what you need to do for you. There are options out there. I believe the Salvation Army has free rehabs in some cities, and I hear they're very good. Try calling them.

pinktee18

I was overly dramatic last night and my mom isn't as bad as I made her sound and was worked up from my job situation, but she's agreed to let me check it out and go from there to see if it really helps. She was stressed last night with our living situation of having to move and I caught her at the wrong time.