Any help?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Newburgh NY
Posts: 1
Any help?
Hello
My Aunt, Denise has been a alcoholic as far back as my childhood. Her and her husband drink EVERYDAY, the minute they wake up for her its miller light, him bud. Well My aunt has been getting very mean latley with the family. We know she is on Cocaine,the alcohol,Marijuana,pain killers, these herbal pills for what i dont know. She has changed in to a totally different person. She and her husbad fight everyday they push eachother around, pull their hair out, scratch kick everything. We have a card game for everyone to get together on the weekend and play cards from like 5-10pm. She was here last weekend, and her husband showed up, she asked him where he was coming from when she passed him on the road, and he said work, She started yelling at him telling him no he wasnt coming form work, because he goes a different way. She got up out of her chir and started beating him up right there in front of everyone.!! My mother told my aunt to get out and how disrespectful she was, and she started on all of us. When she drinks she turns in to a different person someone I DONT EVEN WANT TO KNOW OR ASSOCIATE WITH, but she needs help, before her husband kills her, she kills him or they both kil their selves! I dont want to see this happen, but theirs nothing i can do, i dont even know what to do, we dont know where to start, we called Our local psych center and they said theirs nothing that can be done unless SHE herself signs in. We have talked to her about going to AA meetings, and it goes in one ear and out of the other. We told her we will go with her EVERY step of the way and she is like oh yeah at the time, then never follows through on anything. Her and my mother are CLOSE, at least we thought they were. Its killing my mother to see how my aunt is treating her, like she did something to her, and she never did. My aunt has accused my uncle of trying to SLEEP with me, and NOTHING like that has gone on, nor have i ever thought of it. From being accused of her hubby, i am still trying to get her help, because i know its not really "HER". I dont know what to do anymore? Anyone have any advice? We live in NY and i guess you have to sign up for help on your own if your a alcoholic, and i think that needs to be changed? Any info on what we can do to help her would be appreciated! Thanks so much!
My Aunt, Denise has been a alcoholic as far back as my childhood. Her and her husband drink EVERYDAY, the minute they wake up for her its miller light, him bud. Well My aunt has been getting very mean latley with the family. We know she is on Cocaine,the alcohol,Marijuana,pain killers, these herbal pills for what i dont know. She has changed in to a totally different person. She and her husbad fight everyday they push eachother around, pull their hair out, scratch kick everything. We have a card game for everyone to get together on the weekend and play cards from like 5-10pm. She was here last weekend, and her husband showed up, she asked him where he was coming from when she passed him on the road, and he said work, She started yelling at him telling him no he wasnt coming form work, because he goes a different way. She got up out of her chir and started beating him up right there in front of everyone.!! My mother told my aunt to get out and how disrespectful she was, and she started on all of us. When she drinks she turns in to a different person someone I DONT EVEN WANT TO KNOW OR ASSOCIATE WITH, but she needs help, before her husband kills her, she kills him or they both kil their selves! I dont want to see this happen, but theirs nothing i can do, i dont even know what to do, we dont know where to start, we called Our local psych center and they said theirs nothing that can be done unless SHE herself signs in. We have talked to her about going to AA meetings, and it goes in one ear and out of the other. We told her we will go with her EVERY step of the way and she is like oh yeah at the time, then never follows through on anything. Her and my mother are CLOSE, at least we thought they were. Its killing my mother to see how my aunt is treating her, like she did something to her, and she never did. My aunt has accused my uncle of trying to SLEEP with me, and NOTHING like that has gone on, nor have i ever thought of it. From being accused of her hubby, i am still trying to get her help, because i know its not really "HER". I dont know what to do anymore? Anyone have any advice? We live in NY and i guess you have to sign up for help on your own if your a alcoholic, and i think that needs to be changed? Any info on what we can do to help her would be appreciated! Thanks so much!
garden variety alcoholic
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Tehachapi, CA
Posts: 85
tough one
I wish that I could give you a formula, solution,something that you could give to your Aunt or Uncle, or do for them, that would encourage them to take the help that is freely given to many of us in the various fellowships, and rehab centers.
Unfortunatly, there is not. All you can do, is let them know that there is help available, and that when they are ready, you are willing to help. It's hard to watch someone that you love self destruct. But the reality is that, although we love them, we hate there behavior, and what they have become.
I know from my side of the isle, I was blind to what I had become, in denile. I had to hit my bottom.
Now on the Sober side, It tears me up to see people going down hill like that, all I can do, is pray, and offer help.
Unfortunatly, there is not. All you can do, is let them know that there is help available, and that when they are ready, you are willing to help. It's hard to watch someone that you love self destruct. But the reality is that, although we love them, we hate there behavior, and what they have become.
I know from my side of the isle, I was blind to what I had become, in denile. I had to hit my bottom.
Now on the Sober side, It tears me up to see people going down hill like that, all I can do, is pray, and offer help.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Dats;
Unfortunately, as you have learned, they have to want help to get help. Unless they break a law. Then, they get jail, not help. About the only thing you can do is be available when they ask for support, and perhaps get a schedule of AA meeting and phone numbers of detox centers and give it to them.
However, it is YOU I am concerned about. You have the classic traits of a codependent. I urge you to go to alanon meetings. Get the book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. You will swear she is writting about you. You need to take care of your own stuff - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When you change your behavior, it is inevitable that others behavior towards you changes. Finally, check out the alanon forum here on the SR boards. You will meet all kinds of wonderful people there who know EXACTLY what you are dealing with; they are dealing with the very same thing.
Wishing you well, and hope to see you gain in your recovery.
Shalom!
Unfortunately, as you have learned, they have to want help to get help. Unless they break a law. Then, they get jail, not help. About the only thing you can do is be available when they ask for support, and perhaps get a schedule of AA meeting and phone numbers of detox centers and give it to them.
However, it is YOU I am concerned about. You have the classic traits of a codependent. I urge you to go to alanon meetings. Get the book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. You will swear she is writting about you. You need to take care of your own stuff - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When you change your behavior, it is inevitable that others behavior towards you changes. Finally, check out the alanon forum here on the SR boards. You will meet all kinds of wonderful people there who know EXACTLY what you are dealing with; they are dealing with the very same thing.
Wishing you well, and hope to see you gain in your recovery.
Shalom!
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