rws177

Does anyone on here have long term sobriety with out using AA?

I'm over two years sober and have sort of been in AA but never felt like my heart was a 100% in it. I've not been to a meeting in a few months and at the peak of my "AA career" I'd go maybe 2x a week tops. I still consider my sponsor a friend and was sober 6 months on my own before I met him, he says things like I'm going to die if I don't go to meetings and it irks me. I know the severity of my alcoholism and that if I drink again I'll lose everything and that is always on my mind.

I'm working full time as a QA engineer for a software company, finnishing my bachelors in information systems in night school, getting married next summer, working out weekly, eating healthy and just bought a nice place with my fiancé. I'm so great full for my life and never imagined it being this good. Last year I was so broke I took a job as a bouncer and was working an internship during the day and didn't drink then. I don't know. I'm just simply wondering if AA is not the only way to stay sober. I think it's great for people and becomes there hobby and social outing while keeping sober. It saves lives and I'm all for it, plus I know it will always be there if I need it. Just for so long I find living my life to the fullest, logging on here, taking care of my body and setting goals is what works for me.

Dee74

There's many people here who have long term sobriety who've never been to AA. I'm one of them - if 6 years counts as 'long term'...?

There are a multitude of ways to get and stay sober...even a cursory read around will show that there really is more than one way.

Having said all that...I think it's a necessity for all of us to continue to work on our recovery - whatever 'work' means to you, rws.

I think we neglect that 'work' at our peril.

D

EndGameNYC

AA is most certainly not for everyone. As Dee wrote, there are several options and, as she suggested, it's a good idea to find one that suits you.

Remaining sober without ongoing support can be dangerous in the long run.

Gottalife

Which AA are you talking about? The program or the fellowship?

Picking some average sort of numbers based on experience and observation, many alcoholics find they cant stay sober on the fellowship alone. Some that try are often drinking in a year, some last much longer. Probably the average would be 5-10 years.

Those that take the steps and have a spiritual awakening seem to do a lot better. Living the principles seems to be the important thing, not how many meetings you go to each week. Meetings do not treat alcoholism, the steps and a spiritual experience are what is required, followed by continued maintenance of a fit spiritual condition through helping others.

There is a thing in AA called the "fellowship of the spirit" as opposed to the spirit of the fellowship. Nearly all recovered alcoholics I have met of my vintage belong to this.
There are very few still sober who have managed to stay that way on meetings (the fellowship) alone.

awuh1

I have met a number of people who were more involved in AA during early sobriety and drifted away from meetings for one reason or another. They seem to have stayed sober in roughly equal proportions to the ones who have stayed involved in meetings. Meetings, however, are not the AA program.

If not going to meetings is working fine for you then I don’t see a problem.

Grungehead

I saw a member who picked up a 30 year medallion tonight who was talking about this, and how over the years he saw few if any of his peers go beyond 5 years without working the program. I am living proof how far you can get on meetings alone. I managed to stay sober for 7 years (twice!) and each time I stopped going to meetings at about the 5 year mark.

I'm trying a different approach this time...steps and a sponsor to guide me through them.

I do believe that different methods work for different people, but staying connected to whatever method works for you is key. It's been my experience that my "ism" didn't go away after I quit drinking, and if I don't treat it I am setting myself up for problems.

fantail

I have a family member who's been sober about 25 years without AA. He uses exercise, meditation, and therapy. (I'm copying him in my own program ).

GracieLou

AA meetings are not the AA program they are a part of the program. The meetings get you in the door for the fellowship and support. The AA program, getting a sponsor, working the steps and the "practicing of these principles in all our affairs" is the ongoing part of the program.

Continuing to go to meetings is to keep centered in these principals and to support others. Is not a hobby. Is it not social hour, although there is socialization.

For me I am learning the principals in the rooms and with a sponsor so I can practice them outside the rooms. Progress not perfection is the motto. It is an ongoing progress. There is no finish line or graduation. There is no end to sobriety. You just don't stop being an alcoholic one day. It is a life long commitment to not only remain sober but to live sober.

I am not saying AA is the only way. It is the way I have chosen to go. There are many other recovery programs. Whatever one chooses it is the commitment to that lifestyle or program that not only gets us sober but keeps us sober.

least

I've got over three years sober using this site and my weekly counseling sessions.

laurie6781

I will be honest. When I found recovery in '81 AA was pretty much the only game in town. I got a sponsor and her husband also, rofl and with their helped I worked the steps and then started learning to live those steps. Sure there is the 'fellowship' (the meetings and the meetings after the meetings) but I was taught BALANCE, and with that balance came less and less meeting and more and more research. I was taught to LIVE my steps OUT THERE IN THE REAL WORLD.

During that research, and I am STILL researching, I have found that there are a whole slew of folks out there a lot more than are in AA that NEVER used AA to find sobriety and they are doing GREAT.

We have quite a few on here also. Dee is a beautiful example! I have watched him grow and change and literally BLOSSOM into a really beautiful, kind, caring, compassionate human being, WITHOUT AA. Anna comes to mind immediately also. Again an absolutely spectacular 180 degree change!!!!

Do not worry about not being in AA. Apparently you have found what works for you, so ............................keep doing what you are doing. If something is working 'don't try and fix it.'

Enjoy your sobriety, be vigilant, and live life to the fullest!

Love and hugs,

Fandy

Signing on to SR every day,reading here and connecting, being grateful works well for me 2+ years.
You're going to get a lot of varied responses, but ultimately you know when you are on the right path.
Gratitude for what we accomplish when we wake up sober every morning is a big thing for me.

aasharon90

Every individual is different and has the
choice to decide what is better for them
and a recovery program that will help them
stay sober or clean.

What's so awesome is that there is professional
and free help available to many who can't or unable
to stay sober or clean on their own.

I was one of them and was and am glad to have
the option to have others to help me when I tried
so many times to stop drinking on my own and couldn't
or didn't.

Chose whats best for you and what will work
for long term recovery and live a happy, healthy
life for yrs. to come.

visch1

Very well stated. With the help of the people in AA since 1/79 I was able to keep the plug in the jug. I became very active and have gone to a zillion meetings even when I didn't want to. Most days now I feel sober some only dry (acting and reacting like I did while drinking) usually until I act on step 10. In this mobile society it's difficult to get accurate numbers as to what works in the long run, +20 years. People who drink often don't come back. Often those that do make it back say their slip was a result of stopping meetings and the insidious nature of the ism. A week or two ago 6 people in a row of 6 chairs had more than a total of 200 years sober, probably because they still go to meetings and keep it green. BE WELL

2granddaughters

Your question should probably be asked "Does anyone on here, who is an alcoholic of my sort, have long term sobriety with out using AA?"

For a lot of us alcoholics AA is the last house on the street.

The fact that you have been here for 3 yrs and are asking this question tells me you are working your way down the block.

All the best.

Bob R

Dee74

or...maybe the OP is working his way to a solution that best suits his journey - just exactly as you did Bob?

D

TheEnd

Really....is that what that meant? Sorry, but it's posts like these, that have people always questioning themselves when they are deciding whether or not they need the AA program.

I'm going to post something from Onlythetruth that helped me out immensely when I was going through the same thing:

Quote:

Originally Posted by onlythetruth

I struggled with this for years before eventually deciding what you've decided, and I think I know why you're here asking if it's okay. Because you keep hearing that it isn't. But I am here to tell you that it is. It is okay.

When I read those words, I was set free with no worries and I never looked back.

soberlicious

I became a nondrinker over 6 years ago. Life is good. I wouldn't go back to that in a million years. I'm not involved in AA.

I drank daily (to blackout several times a week), and ended up trying to kill myself because I couldn't see a way out. I've turned my life completely around since those days, but I probably wasn't a "real alcoholic" to begin with... (lol).

Yeah, it can be done. Absolutely. Saying otherwise is simply not true.

DylanS

Thanks for the thread, RWS.

I was sober in AA for 14 years, then, deciding I didn't believe in the "allergy" thing, decided to test the experiment outlined in the Big Book. That was 11 years ago and, while I didn't end up in the gutter, my drinking has become very problematic. Again. I tried SMART but, as we don't have meetings in my town, I find I need social support that can be found in AA. Being very sensitive, I also believe for myself that I need to live a spiritual program. Since AA already has this whole thing in place, and it's worked for me before, I'm going that route.

A buddy of mine, whose father is alcoholic, found he was drinking more and more and became worried about his drinking. So he quit. He's 9 years now without a drink.

A gal I know went to AA for a couple of years and then drifted away. She's 16 years without a drink.

Another friend recently decided her drinking is becoming problematic. AA doesn't resonate for her at all - the chronic pathologizing has put her off (which I do understand). She's going to SMART and is finding it works for her.

When I first came to this site, I asked a similar question and the answer I got was that it's very individual. I think there're so many ways because there IS no one way to get and stay sober. Luckily, AA isn't some dogmatic religion, so it doesn't claim to be the only way. It's what feels right and gives the results that matters...

I am gratefully impressed with this site in that it isn't dogmatic about any one way to get/stay sober/clean; there's room for everyone and every way.

Thanks again for the post.

DoubleBarrel

OF COURSE you can stay sober without AA.

But you have to be willing to look at yourself, your thought processes, your relationships.

Being sober is a lot of work to undo your personality. It is hard for anyone to change a personality trait.

Those people that say without AA you will die, what they mean to say, what they SHOULD say, is without AA I would die. That is a truth for them.

But the reality is, they are using all kinds of unscientific methods for their theorys.

Many people come and go from AA meetings. I know from personal experience that those that leave the rooms are by and large abandoned by the group. So to claim that they know what happens to those individuals in recovery outside the walls of AA is mere speculation.

I use AA. I figure I used all kinds of people and groups when I was using, why not use AA to take what I need for recovery.

I take what I like and leave the rest.

No stepwork, no praying, no sponsers.

But I do apologize if I feel that I have done wrong.

I do assess my character.

I do reach out to others that want to recover.

I do try to be rigorously honest.

And I make amends to my kids by being there for them.

In some ways, I have embraced the steps, without oversight.
There are some thoughts in it that are helpful. Clearly they know about the disease and the affliction.

But they certainly don't have a magical panacea that is exclusive.

If what you are doing works, by all means keep doing it.

If you are drifting, reach out. To somebody.

FBL

Just a little over 4 years sober now with the help of friends & family and SR.