Long term sobriety without AA??
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
I think people have to find their own path and do what is best for them. Some people go to AA and are good with that, some go and realize they need something else. Nothing wrong with that. I think in the end it is just important to find something that works for you.
I go to WFS, SMART and some AA meetings. I take what I need and leave the rest. I do know for myself that I am more comfortable with the WFS as it seems to fit my needs more. But that is my journey and what is working for me.
I go to WFS, SMART and some AA meetings. I take what I need and leave the rest. I do know for myself that I am more comfortable with the WFS as it seems to fit my needs more. But that is my journey and what is working for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Wesley Chapel, Florida
Posts: 19
I'll give you a good and REAL fact. There are just as many sober and happy people without AA as with AA. I got sober in AA and God bless it but after a certain amount of time I just decided it wasn't what I needed. I always tell people to try it and it's an awesome way to get goood great grand recovery but it's not the only way. As the book says these are just guidelines and if someone told me I was going to die because I didn't go to a meeting I'd say good day to you and good luck and **** off.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
For me, it's pretty simple: I feel that's it's my responsibility to discover/use whatever helps me stay sober.
That could mean AA, SMART, AVRT, counseling, mental health treatment, mindfulness, exercise, meditation, anger management, reducing stress by getting another job...... IMO, there are endless ways to help ourselves and learn to live sober, and one size doesn't fit all.
That could mean AA, SMART, AVRT, counseling, mental health treatment, mindfulness, exercise, meditation, anger management, reducing stress by getting another job...... IMO, there are endless ways to help ourselves and learn to live sober, and one size doesn't fit all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by rws177 
Does anyone on here have long term sobriety with out using AA?
I'm over two years sober and have sort of been in AA but never felt like my heart was a 100% in it. I've not been to a meeting in a few months and at the peak of my "AA career" I'd go maybe 2x a week tops. I still consider my sponsor a friend and was sober 6 months on my own before I met him, he says things like I'm going to die if I don't go to meetings and it irks me. I know the severity of my alcoholism and that if I drink again I'll lose everything and that is always on my mind.
I'm working full time as a QA engineer for a software company, finnishing my bachelors in information systems in night school, getting married next summer, working out weekly, eating healthy and just bought a nice place with my fiancé. I'm so great full for my life and never imagined it being this good. Last year I was so broke I took a job as a bouncer and was working an internship during the day and didn't drink then. I don't know. I'm just simply wondering if AA is not the only way to stay sober. I think it's great for people and becomes there hobby and social outing while keeping sober. It saves lives and I'm all for it, plus I know it will always be there if I need it. Just for so long I find living my life to the fullest, logging on here, taking care of my body and setting goals is what works for me.
I'm over two years sober and have sort of been in AA but never felt like my heart was a 100% in it. I've not been to a meeting in a few months and at the peak of my "AA career" I'd go maybe 2x a week tops. I still consider my sponsor a friend and was sober 6 months on my own before I met him, he says things like I'm going to die if I don't go to meetings and it irks me. I know the severity of my alcoholism and that if I drink again I'll lose everything and that is always on my mind.
I'm working full time as a QA engineer for a software company, finnishing my bachelors in information systems in night school, getting married next summer, working out weekly, eating healthy and just bought a nice place with my fiancé. I'm so great full for my life and never imagined it being this good. Last year I was so broke I took a job as a bouncer and was working an internship during the day and didn't drink then. I don't know. I'm just simply wondering if AA is not the only way to stay sober. I think it's great for people and becomes there hobby and social outing while keeping sober. It saves lives and I'm all for it, plus I know it will always be there if I need it. Just for so long I find living my life to the fullest, logging on here, taking care of my body and setting goals is what works for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by rws177
Thank you for all the posts everyone. I do take tools away from AA and liked what one poster said about why not use every thing we can. We are all individuals and I am learning that we all approach sobriety in different ways but the main theme is we are all working towards a better quality of life. This site has always been a blessing to me.
Yes, Bob, that picture sums up my drinking too. However me saying my life has never been better and that I work on myself daily and feeling really good about things does not mean that I am spiraling out of control and about to hit my bottom with 2+ years sober. I know that you mean well but I think you really help to detour people from AA with that kind of outlook and attitude. It's not an AA saying but you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but I know you are trying to help so I respect that and thank you.
Yes, Bob, that picture sums up my drinking too. However me saying my life has never been better and that I work on myself daily and feeling really good about things does not mean that I am spiraling out of control and about to hit my bottom with 2+ years sober. I know that you mean well but I think you really help to detour people from AA with that kind of outlook and attitude. It's not an AA saying but you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but I know you are trying to help so I respect that and thank you.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Originally Posted by FormerBeerLover
Just a little over 4 years sober now with the help of friends & family and SR.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
My cousin is 21 years sober. She went to AA in the early years and then fell away because her heart was not in it either.
My sister in law's mother quit on her own about 15 years ago. Has never been to a meeting.
My cousin is 3 years sober without meetings.
All are happy and well adjusted as far as I can tell.
My sister in law's mother quit on her own about 15 years ago. Has never been to a meeting.
My cousin is 3 years sober without meetings.
All are happy and well adjusted as far as I can tell.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
A reminder that opinions and feelings about experiences with recovery programs are welcome here, but disparagement is not. Some posts have been removed.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
It's the steps we take...
Given my recovery came about as the result of of reading the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous' whilst listening to a recording of one of 'Joe & Charlie's:Big Book Study Meetings after many years spent attending AA meetings on an intermittent basis but for regular periods during which time I learnt nothing!
I take their view that for whatever is said about the Fellowship of AA, good, bad or indifferent, it acts simply as a support organisation for 'problem drinkers' and that the key to recovery lies in the content of the Big Book.m No one got sober at an AA meeting.
Or as Charlie Parmley said,'It's not the meetings we make but the steps we take.'
I attended my last AA meeting in late Nov., 2007 and date my sobriety fromnthe 15th of Feb. 2008 assisted by SR.
I take their view that for whatever is said about the Fellowship of AA, good, bad or indifferent, it acts simply as a support organisation for 'problem drinkers' and that the key to recovery lies in the content of the Big Book.m No one got sober at an AA meeting.
Or as Charlie Parmley said,'It's not the meetings we make but the steps we take.'
I attended my last AA meeting in late Nov., 2007 and date my sobriety fromnthe 15th of Feb. 2008 assisted by SR.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I say whatever works is great and can see why checking in to this website helps.
I've been going to AA for nearly 26 years; the people who return after a relapse universally say they stopped going to meetings. I think the reason is because denial and rationalization are with us continually and people "forget" they can't drink. But if visiting this site daily works that's great.
I've been going to AA for nearly 26 years; the people who return after a relapse universally say they stopped going to meetings. I think the reason is because denial and rationalization are with us continually and people "forget" they can't drink. But if visiting this site daily works that's great.
Maladaptive
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East coast, USA
Posts: 558
I have been to AA in the past. It wasn't for me. I used RR/AVRT and it struck a chord with me.
Some people like chocolate i ce cream and some like vanilla. You can't say only 1 kind (of recovery) is right for everyone.
Some people like chocolate i ce cream and some like vanilla. You can't say only 1 kind (of recovery) is right for everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
Sober for almost 26 years and only attend a few times a year. I serve in other areas. I built my sobriety off of AA and have attended Alanon as well during some periods. AA is and was a safe place. I haven't moved on, but turned to the next chapter always knowing where I came from, and my roots of a safe place.
God did has continued to grant me sobriety as I give Him all the glory.
AG
God did has continued to grant me sobriety as I give Him all the glory.
AG
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Which AA are you talking about? The program or the fellowship?
Picking some average sort of numbers based on experience and observation, many alcoholics find they cant stay sober on the fellowship alone. Some that try are often drinking in a year, some last much longer. Probably the average would be 5-10 years.
Those that take the steps and have a spiritual awakening seem to do a lot better. Living the principles seems to be the important thing, not how many meetings you go to each week. Meetings do not treat alcoholism, the steps and a spiritual experience are what is required, followed by continued maintenance of a fit spiritual condition through helping others.
There is a thing in AA called the "fellowship of the spirit" as opposed to the spirit of the fellowship. Nearly all recovered alcoholics I have met of my vintage belong to this.
There are very few still sober who have managed to stay that way on meetings (the fellowship) alone.
Picking some average sort of numbers based on experience and observation, many alcoholics find they cant stay sober on the fellowship alone. Some that try are often drinking in a year, some last much longer. Probably the average would be 5-10 years.
Those that take the steps and have a spiritual awakening seem to do a lot better. Living the principles seems to be the important thing, not how many meetings you go to each week. Meetings do not treat alcoholism, the steps and a spiritual experience are what is required, followed by continued maintenance of a fit spiritual condition through helping others.
There is a thing in AA called the "fellowship of the spirit" as opposed to the spirit of the fellowship. Nearly all recovered alcoholics I have met of my vintage belong to this.
There are very few still sober who have managed to stay that way on meetings (the fellowship) alone.
Would you mind writing more details and an explanation about:
1-Living the principles
2-Fellowship of the spirit
3-Maintenance of a fit spiritual condition
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Originally Posted by Grungehead
I saw a member who picked up a 30 year medallion tonight who was talking about this, and how over the years he saw few if any of his peers go beyond 5 years without working the program.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing
Sober for almost 26 years and only attend a few times a year. I serve in other areas. I built my sobriety off of AA and have attended Alanon as well during some periods. AA is and was a safe place. I haven't moved on, but turned to the next chapter always knowing where I came from, and my roots of a safe place.
God did has continued to grant me sobriety as I give Him all the glory.
AG
God did has continued to grant me sobriety as I give Him all the glory.
AG
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
My friend- once sponsor is career AA. Very black and white about it. I am not- BUT I go - because it is a commitment to myself NEVER to Drink again. I was in a doctorate program, had just moved into the dream home we built, new career waited. I drank it all into non existence- because all of that became more important than being sober as a priority. I lost it all. In the end- briefly (3 times) I also lost my life. Complacencty is so easy to fall into. Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 83
The human mind is more complex than we can understand. What is effective for one may not be for others. I had a grandfather who was a terrible alcoholic. He lived the last 30 years of his life without a drink and, to my knowledge, never attended an AA meeting. He went to church everyday and lived an active lifestyle in retirement.
In my case, AA seems to be the only way I will keep myself sober. I love being among people who understand being alcoholic.
That said, I am very wary of militants who insist AA is the only way. In my opinion, they are talking about something they don't truly understand - alswys a dangerous thing.
In my case, AA seems to be the only way I will keep myself sober. I love being among people who understand being alcoholic.
That said, I am very wary of militants who insist AA is the only way. In my opinion, they are talking about something they don't truly understand - alswys a dangerous thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
[QUOTE=Gottalife;4038533]
pathway, i think the answer is described in the BB ina few places:
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did( referring to carrying the message to the next sick and suffering alcoholic). We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe.
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.
theres a couple more, but im having some maladaptive brain activity ( read- brain fart..oye!! think i mentioned something about keepin it simple earlier???
) happening.
edit:
just remembered something: the responsibility declaration:
I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that I am responsible.
notice it doesnt say"when only alcoholics..."
think it wouldnt be too good iffen i saw someone with a flat tire on the road, stopped to help and said,"ill give ya a hand! you an alkie?no? sorry,cant help."
Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree
I'm curious if you don't mind sharing where/how you serve in other areas?
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did( referring to carrying the message to the next sick and suffering alcoholic). We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe.
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.
theres a couple more, but im having some maladaptive brain activity ( read- brain fart..oye!! think i mentioned something about keepin it simple earlier???
) happening.edit:
just remembered something: the responsibility declaration:
I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that I am responsible.
notice it doesnt say"when only alcoholics..."
think it wouldnt be too good iffen i saw someone with a flat tire on the road, stopped to help and said,"ill give ya a hand! you an alkie?no? sorry,cant help."
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree
Mike,
Would you mind writing more details and an explanation about:
1-Living the principles
2-Fellowship of the spirit
3-Maintenance of a fit spiritual condition
Would you mind writing more details and an explanation about:
1-Living the principles
2-Fellowship of the spirit
3-Maintenance of a fit spiritual condition
"My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that."
The fellowship of the spirit is found at the other end of the basic text on page 164.
"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny."
In other words, work the steps, have a spiritual experience/awakening as the result, and join us in the Fellowship of the Spirit. No doubt there are other paths to the God of our understanding, but the steps are how I got to experience this.
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