alphaomega

I have heard it said that if you relapse, you don't tend to go back to the type and volume of drinking you did before you quit, you go back as if you never stopped at all.

That scares the living tar out of me.

Dee74

It should.
That was my experience AO....when I picked up again it was like not only had I never stopped but also that my condition had progressed while I wasn't drinking.

D

Adillac

That has been my experience. I had 8 months until two weeks ago. Drank myself into a blackout stupor within about three hours and didn't come out of the blackout until the next evening. The alcoholism matures with or without alcohol along with the rest of me.

BarbieKen

I've heard people share that in my meetings too. I also hear the time being out there with each relapse is shorter. Of course, I know that not all of us return after a relapse. Death. My friends L. And D. I'm 7 months sober.

EndGameNYC

When I relapsed, I went for a few months of moderated drinking without breaking a sweat. I thought that maybe I wasn't an alcoholic after all. Those few months turned into a three-year binge of drinking around the clock and nearly losing everything dear to me.

caboblanco

All i know is that after my last one night relapse I had the worst hangover of my life

Huxley

Hey

A "couple of days' gentle drinking" turned into a 2-month slide within 36 hours. Far more frightening than when I quit the first time.

x

Grungehead

7 years sober, was back to or worse than I was before I quit in a few weeks. My disease not only tricked me into drinking but also tricked me into thinking I could moderate because I went a couple of weeks drinking a couple of beers a day. He's a tricky *******. Anyway I stayed out there for 8 years and almost didn't make it back. Luckily I'm here to tell you it is true that you never know if you will make it back from your last relapse.

pixy

It is so much harder to come back into AA too somehow. Pride, I guess. Still haven't really reconnected with my home group. My sponsor did not call, so hey, I did not call her. Ended up booking into an addiction specialist.
My drinking was just a few a day, until I got into the 4x4 well over the limit. The slide was well under way. What I thought was moderation, wasn't really. I had a bottle stashed in the microwave to slug out of whilst the hubby was in the garden. Normal people don't really do that. Relapse sucks.

Grungehead

If you stay out as long as I did most of the faces will change.

GracieLou

I am sure they do. In my case I moved so it was a brand new city and brand new people.

When I came back to AA I did not re-introduce myself as many do. It had been nine years so I guess in my mind it was not a relapse or "going back out". I was only sober a little over five months and I was really not working the program. I did not drink during that time but I was far from sober.

Being so long ago I can't really remember if I drank just as much or more. I think because I was not really going for myself and not doing any of the work. I had no clarity to compare to. The drinking did progress. The amount I was drinking nine years ago compared to when I quit this time was three times the amount if not more. I had many problems and resentments I was trying to hide from but now I had one more problem, failing at AA, that I was trying to drink away.

This time I am so FAR ahead of were I was last time. I am working the program. I have clarity now. This time it is quite clear to me that one, I am an alcoholic and how much I drank. There is no doubt in my mind if I drank today I would drink all day and right into a black out. I can picture in my mind me doing this. I see it very clearly. There was no attempt at moderation then and there would be none now.

.

GroundhogDay

I find it both discouraging and confusing that alcoholism progresses even when we are not drinking. Makes me wonder if my brain is REALLY repairing itself since it takes so little time to revert back to its old ways of coping with constant alcohol ingestion.

visch1

Hi. A old expression in AA, which I think is quite accurate: It took us XXX years of drinking to get this far into the woods so it'll take that long to get out.
BE WELL

trailrunrbyday

I believe I could just *stop drinking* for a period of time - and in that time I could convince myself that I wasn't really an alcoholic....that I just needed to be more disciplined like other people(who don't require *discipline* to stop drinking, mind you).

My reason for wanting to truly get to know and work the AA program, get set up with support networks and people - get talking to people like me and realize even years sober that I have a relationship with alcohol that cannot be moderated or managed. I want to go into treatment for several reasons but one of the main reasons is to spend time with people who understand - who remind me of my direction and don't take the attitude of *see - you can go for 2 weeks without a drink - you just need to keep it under control(JUST don't drink)* and will continue to point me in a direction that will give me a push off from the dock towards the sun....the rowing will be up to me but I will know that no matter how tropical and attractive that little island of temptation - I need to go for the sun.

I have heard this about relapse as well. Does it scare me? Yes. Is that good for ME? Yes. Thank you!

DaveT

I remember telling my sponsor once " im sick of this boring AA im going to drink again I can always come back when I have had enough " he looked at me and paused before speaking ( as sponsors tend to do ! ) he said " you are making a big mistake " i said Why ? He replied " YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE IT BACK ! " I know so many that have played the game of Russian Roulette with their sobriety... There is always a bullet in one chamber... Its not a matter of how ... Just when .... Jails, Institutions and DEATH !

alphaomega

I have to confess. I really never knew that full implication of what I was doing to myself by drinking. Hee hee, ha ha in college when you black out and cant remember the night. Isn't that just what happened when you get hammered ?

But no one ever spells is out for you.

And we sure as hell can't expect the media, government, etc to tell us the truth because, well folks, there is money to be made. But to say in absolute earnest that I HAD NO CONCEPT. None. I just thought, get drunk, hangover and then all is well as you go on your merry way partying and repairing.

Only now, after pouring through this site, going back out and going black far sooner, and for far longer than I should have, am I starting to understand exactly what has happened to my brain, my body, my heart, my organs.

And my future if I don't find a way to get out of this hell hole.

Michael66

Hi alphaomega

My experience is that when I went back to drinking (after a year sober) I did moderate for a while. But then it steadily crept back up again and increased beyond where it was before I had the year's sobriety.

It seems different people have different responses to drinking again. Many of us learn that we can't maintain moderation. That acceptance though was the start of a new sober life.

alphaomega

Yeah, I didn't moderate.

I made up for lost time.

I'm mortified and ashamed.

Carlotta

Please don't beat yourself up, you drank well that's what most alcoholics do. The miracle is when we become and stay sober. You did not lose what you learned during your period of recovery, just study your relapse and take preemptive measures so it won t happen again. Have a plan.
Just go back on the saddle (I posted on another thread of yours).
I did not pick up where I had left off and it took 6 years for me to "catch the bullet " after I relapsed but from listening to people in the rooms of AA and reading here it's extremely rare. Most people pick up where they had left off or worst.
I ended up this holiday season drinking almost nonstop (unless I was working) for 3 weeks with all the logistics of my suicide on paper and arrangements getting done! It was either suicide or giving recovery a second shot.
Mentally, it was awful.
Picking up a drink for alcoholics is like playing Russian roulette. Sooner or later the bullet will hit us.
back

chrissp

This was my experience as well, my tolerance actually went down, but alcoholic behaviors drastically increased.