Fatale

Okay, I'm not sure if I'm placing the thread right. Anyway.

I'm on this sort of watch about my alcoholism. If I'm drunk or have started drinking, people call and tell if I have been drinking. It has worked very well besides of one thing: My mom calls every day.

And this is not just out of worry. I can spend all day with her, and in the evening she will call and lie about I have been drinking all day and make up stories about my behaviour. For example I have been sober 2 weeks today. Yet she has not failed to call and tell that I am drunk. Even when they test me and can confirm that I am sober.

This is not only extremely demotivating for me, but I also get very mad about it. It's not about she worries about me drinking, she actually wants me to be drunk. In the past she would keep buying me alcohol, talk me into "just a taste", etc. She would even be very specific about buying drinks she knew I could not resist. And it is a very specific white wine that is very hard to get around here, so she doesn't just buy it by accident.

Not only am I sick of being blamed of being drunk, but I'm also going nuts about "she just worries about you". This is not about worrying. There are just too many signs that it is about keeping me drunk. And she has many reasons to keep me drunk. Mainly the reason is money.

Do any of you have any experience with this? Or perhaps you know what to do, when your family wants to make everyone believe you are still some drunk loser, and they seem satisfied whenever people think that about you.
I can't just keep her out of my life, as she is still married to my dad whom is very close to me. And also because she knows where I live, she seeks out my friends, my doctor, etc.

DG0409

I have not experienced this.

All I can say is that from an outside perspective, your mom sounds a bit nutty.

I would try my best just to ignore everything she says/does and keep your sober head held high.

The important thing is that you're not drinking. What mom thinks doesn't matter. Especially when mom clearly isn't acting in your best interest or even being honest about things.

john44

I don't even really know exactly how to help you but I do want to support you...people are here to listen and support you.

Since you are close to your father, is this something you can talk to him about, letting him know how much this is disturbing and hurting you?

Can you sit down with your mom, look her directly in the eye and tell her how badly her behavior is affecting you? If she doesn't stop this, consider telling her you don't wish to be in her company anymore and then do something about it. Don't go out with her, don't take her calls. Maybe then she'll get the message.

I'm curious though...what reasons could she have for "keeping you drunk"? What does this have to do with money?

Fatale

Talking to my father is not an option, as he does not want to get involved at all.

I am diagnosed as manic-depressive and if I am seen as unfit to take care of myself (mainly my money) all control of my accounts go to her. Roughly said, she can spend my money as she wants to. Being alcoholic would pretty much give her control right away.
And she only started working towards this after she has very limited money to go by. (Not that she is poor, just that she has less money than she is used to). She pretty much left me alone until she found out, that she does not have as many resources as she used to.

So making me a drunk alcoholic would prove her right, and give her control of my finances. And yes, I know it sounds very paranoid and I understand why people don't take me serious. But there are just too many things that leads to the fact that she wants control of my bankaccounts.

And she is also alcoholic herself. Some of my friends have suggested that part it might also be, that she envies that I am sober and she is not.

Fatale

I'm happy to hear that I don't sound nuts, haha. But yeah, I try to ignore her. But when someone is spreading rumours about you to everyone, it gets hard to ignore. I actually went as far as talking to a lawyer about it. Sadly there is nothing to do about it.

regeneration

hello Fatale, that kind of reminded me of my ex. He used to tell me to stop drinking, but when I started trying to stop he'd press drinks on me (he was an alcoholic). I don't think he envied my sobriety, he just wanted me to drink with him. Other alcoholics find it hard when people close to them sober up (I think), as it reflects back on them.

I don't know if your mother wants to get access to your accounts or if she envies your drinking, but do you have to speak to her a lot? I was going to suggest trying to limit being on the phone with her (at least for a bit as I thought it may be hard to speak to her at the moment). Sounds like you need some breathing space to focus on yourself and work on your sobriety. I had to not see some of the alcoholics/heavy drinkers in my life.

Good luck and thinking of you.

EndGameNYC

You don't say clearly how it came about that your mother is now your financial guardian, but this is obviously an extremely complicated relationship. Without her stewardship, I'd simply recommend that you stop taking her calls. If it's true that your mom is invested in keeping you disabled in any way, and that she can actually do so by using legal means, there are forces here much more powerful than can be helped by emotional support.

At minimum, it would seem that you need a psychiatrist, therapist and an attorney involved in order to extricate yourself from this situation. The entanglements in which you are involved are likely beyond the scope of a single person's experience and expertise. Sounds like you need professional help in getting yourself out of this mess.