KissMyTiara

I just don't know what to do. I am so angry. So resentful. It doesn't go away. I can't ever have a relationship with someone else. I feel dirty.

I want to drink drink because of this. I don't know how to get out of this funk because my life is now screwed up.

EndGameNYC

In this day and age, people with herpes live happy and healthy lives, including their sex lives.

You've experienced a tremendous betrayal, and anger is the best response. Anger often helps to bring us to a better place, though this obviously takes time and a degree of self-reflection.

You didn't say whether or not this has put you in a position in which you want to drink, or that you actually did drink over it. It is always true for us that drinking never makes anything better.

Right now, it's important for you to be treated with tender loving care, which can be a great healer. Get support wherever you can, including professional help, and do as much work as possible in building a better day. Having herpes is not a reflection on you, it's a disturbing and unwanted condition brought upon you by a heartless person.

Mountainmanbob

Herpes Support Groups

herpes.supportgroups.com

The Herpes Support Group is here for anyone looking for support in dealing with Herpes. You can join the Herpes Support Groups here for free.

DoubleBarrel

It is so common, that its not even that big of a deal to most people.

I don't have it, but I have the oral kind, and it gets milder over time.

Some people transmit it without even knowing it. It is totally possible to have and not know you have it.

As far as resentment, its like shooting yourself with the hope that someone else will die.

We all have aggravating things happen in life, some more serious than others.

Unless it was intentionally given to you, perhaps its just not as malicious as it feels to you right now.

You will be ok.

My very close friend met the love of his life on a herpes dating site. So you just never know.

Sudz No More

I agree with everyone else, it is not that big a deal. Just be aware of any flare ups and avoid close contact with others at those moments. No need to drink over it, doing so will not change anything and you then you'll have relapse regret to deal with on top of it.

Db1105

Drinking doesn't cure Herpes or resentments.

drunkyjules

I'm sorry for what you are going through, you have every right to be angry but please don't use it as an excuse to drink. It won't make it better and will probably make you feel worse.

I'm not going to say its not a big deal because it is your health and it is for life. I have also known people that have gotten it and have gone on to have happy, healthy and loving relationships. I you look at statistics there are a lot of people that have it or even worse STDs. Be glad its something that can be treated and something that is relatively common.

Hang in there. It will get better.

tomsteve

had a pretty bad relationship a few years ago. finally called it quits and told her to pack her bags.
had some serious resentments over it.
talkin to a friend that stopped by one day. he listened to me rnant and rave.
then said," what was yer part in it? were ya held captive? if ya didn't let it happen, it wouldn't have happened."

couldn't argue or complain after that.

soberclover

It is common and does happen to the best of us! Live and learn to protect yourself. Talk with your doc to learn how to take care of the symptoms...they suck but you need to remember they do pass. Don't drink over it...it just fuels your anger and resentment and it doesn't help the symptoms. You will have a sex life....no worries....

laurie6781

To you right now it is a very big deal and I do understand!!!

My second sponsee, who is still my sponsee to this day, but much more a very dear and trusted friend. She celebrated 30 years in February. She was diagnosed with Herpes at 4 months sober. Oh she wanted to drink so bad, but she did not.

She got treatment, has been married for 25 years, and has two grown children, and this was back when they (the medical profession) didn't know as much as they do now and yes both children were healthy at birth and neither has herpes.

There is a whole and happy life waiting for you. So I would suggest that you sit quietly with this 'curve ball' that life has thrown you, for a while, then right it all down on a piece or two or three of paper. Then tear that/those papers up into pieces and burn them. Let all those thoughts go, up into the air, up into the universe, up into HP's hands, etc.

Once they are burned and gone you will feel relief. It doe help. You will be alright and you do not have to or need to drink as in all my years on this earth I have never seen alcohol make anything better.

Love and hugs,

MsJax

I agree with Laurie. Maybe it would be good to make a Dr appt and get a good checkup + tested for any other std's. I had to get tested for everything including HIV after my partner of 16 years had an affair(s). It is scary but you can take control of yourself now & move forward. You have so much great life ahead of you In sobriety you can have a wonderful life, even with herpes.

Riel

Don't something like 60% of people test positive for herpes?

I just heard from someone who tested positive, and she hasn't had sex in several years. I'm guessing she had a cold sore.

babycat

Yeah, most people have had some form of herpes, it is, however one thing to find a blister on your mouth as opposed to a blister on your junk.
OP, I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. You will be ok, as others said, it is better now, but I know that probably means jack **** to you in this moment and absolutely rightfully so.
When I was at my worst, I did some really,really irresponsible things sexually. I would spend hours upon hours googling STDs, fortunately, I never did get them but I know the absolute fear of thinking about it. CONSTANTLY.
I just want you to know you will be ok and absolutely can be loved again, including a sex life. Hugs and I hope you feel better soon. PM me anytime.

babycat

Not only that, but as of a few years ago, there was pretty much no way to test if guys had HPV, unless they had warts. And just like Herpes, not everyone breaks out, so there are probably way more people out there that have it than we/they know.

Halzuzu

A lovely side effect of my heavy drinking was promiscuous sex and I contracted genital herpes. I have no idea from whom. I had never had an outbreak so I thought my doctor was crazy but after 2 positive blood test it was confirmed. I was ashamed and felt dirty as well but after talking to my doctor and doing a ton of research I found that it really isnt all that bad. It is treatable and most people (if educated) aren't all that concerned when you tell them. You can have sex and normal relationships. As my doctor said to me, "There are far worse things that you could've tested positive for". Keep your head up. Your life is not screwed up. Please don't drink!

Mountainmanbob