bigsombrero

I've been spending some time with a few vegetarian friends lately, and every time we go out to eat with others, they're continuously questioned about their food choices:

"Why don't you eat meat? Are you an animal rights activist? Are you allergic? You just don't LIKE meat? How is that possible?".

They are also badgered, constantly: "Wanna bite of my steak? C'mon, just one bite. Just try it! You're on vacation! How about fish, do you at least eat fish? Just one piece, you'll LOVE it, trust me"!

They are also labeled and branded, simply based on what they order off the menu:

1. They are social activists.
2. Perhaps they have some kind of stomach medical problem that prevents them from eating meat.
3. They are hippies or tree huggers.
4. They are left-leaning and very very political, liberal thinkers.

None of these are always true. Sometimes people just don't like meat, plain and simple. Or they don't eat meat because of the health benefits. The bottom line is they simply chose not to eat meat - it's not complicated but it often leads towards many assumptions.

I think we can learn a lot from vegetarians in how they handle not eating meat in social situations. If any of you have vegetarian friends, I would encourage you to speak with them about how they've learned to handle and field all these questions. In my experience it was very helpful, and it was also nice to feel a companionship with a group outside of the alcoholic community.

Any thoughts or feedback?

Carlotta

I had a friend who was a vegetarian and just put it this simply:
I don't eat corpses
LOL always shut the busybodies right up.

Joe Nerv

Allz I can say to this is, WOW.

Actually... can say a lot more.

I'm part of a musician's forum that's got a very active vegatrian thread going right now, and exactly what you've stated has been a big part of it. I'm assuming you're not a vegetarian, and it's interesting to hear this coming from the other side. That ain't happening over there.

I'm a vegetarian, and what you say is true. I never tell people I'm a vegetarian (unless I'm asked), and I don't really care what other people eat. I also have a lot of respect for people who hunt their own meat, which some people either don't believe, or have trouble understanding. I do however find myself, quite often, in the situation you describe. People roll their eyes, make assumptions, ask stupid questions... and I usually answer minimally. I have at times gone all out when someone persisted, but I try to steer clear of that. The other forum pushes me to places I don't generally like to go, but 98% if the time I keep my vegetarian reasons to myself.

One thing that really gets me is the fish thing. I can't tell you how many times I've been out to eat with others and they know I'm vegetarian, or I have to tell them for some reason, and they say, "Oh, well they've got plenty of fish there. They have tuna casseroles, etc... ". And when I respond, I often get, "What? You mean you don't even eat fish??!!!" No. Vegetarians don't eat fish. Nor chicken. We don't eat any kind of meat.

One quick story. In the caffeteria where I work, day after day after day I'd ask if they had anything vegetarian on the menu, and day after day the same person would say, "We have fish". It started to wear on me. One day a woman I didn't know was standing behind me in line, same thing happened, I told the caffeteria woman again that I don't eat fish, and the woman behind me felt compelled to start questioning me. "Why don't you eat meat? You need meat to be healthy? I don't get it, is it because you love animals? Tell me, what are your boots made out of?" I was dumbfounded and ignored her. A friend of mine told me later I should have said, "fish".

Thanks BS for the thoughtful post.

hypochondriac

It's funny you brought this up as it's something I have been thinking about a lot recently. I was vegetarian aged 12 to 17. I was made to feel like I was just being awkward. I have the same response from some people about my sobriety. 'Why can't you just drink a little bit?'. I was talking to someone recently because I am considering going vegan. They said why don't you just eat meat sometimes. I don't understand the reasoning behind that as much as they don't understand why I need to do things in, as they see it, extreme way. I was vegetarian because I didn't really like meat and I also didn't like how it was farmed. It is also a very inefficient way of feeding people.

Threshold

Very thought provoking, thanks for bringing this up. If someone asks me why I don't drink I think I'm going to say for political reasons just to see the reaction.

I think I've run in the hippie crowd so long that now on the occasions I DO eat meat I get asked why...oops!

2granddaughters

My son is a vegetarian and has no difficulty at all because he isn't too concerned about people who question nor is he concerned about other's approval or judgment.

I learned to say "It doesn't concern you" in a pleasant tone.

All the best.

Bob R

bigsombrero

Thanks all - I realize I didn't actually highlight my point in words: as an alcoholic I am also subjected to the "why don't you drink?" questions frequently every time I go out for dinner. I also get the "how about just one beer? what about wine, can you at least have a glass of that?" etc, etc.

The similarities between our communities (from strictly a social-setting standpoint) are pretty obvious and I think it helps to remember that we alcoholics are not the only ones facing social pressure to consume what we do not want to consume.

PeppyGirl

Grea,t well-timed post. My sister (vegan) is coming to visit for a week over the 4th. I am going to pay close attention to this. She does not know I am in recovery, but for the reasons that you stated in your original post I am sure she will let it drop when I decline a drink since she certainly doesn't enjoy being badgered about her food choices either! Best wishes, PG

FeenixxRising

It's a good point Big. I've often thought there are many similarities between those who eat a plant-based diet and those of us trying to get sober.

Meat eating is deeply ingrained in our culture; many people cannot accept those who don't eat animal products. They seem to find all sorts of reasons to question and ridicule how others eat.

sunrise1

As a vegetarian, I see your comparison exactly. At one place of employment particularly, we would eat at the end of our shift and once the staff found out I was a vegetarian it came up at nearly every meal- and I never brought it up.

The reaction is sometimes the same when I tell people I do not drink. The questions mentioned above, and curious stares are eerily similar now that you point that out. Although- I am very open about my status as a nondrinker. I have no problem talking about it (and now I defend my vegetarianism better too), and once questions become frivolous or intrusive I change the subject.

CousinA

This thread reminds me of what some friends who attend Alanon say.... "Do someone else a favor and leave them alone".

soberlicious

Yes Big, I know exactly what you mean. But, it's not just the non drinkers, or the vegan/vegetarians that get looked at like they have 2 heads, it's anyone considered "outside the norm".

I only eat meat, veggies, and fruit. I eat no grains of any kind, no legumes, no potatoes, no dairy, and no sugar. I don't even talk about what I eat or why, nor do I tell other people what to eat, but many people have extremely strong opinions about what I should be eating. its weird. Try not eating cake at a birthday party...you'd think I just drowned a bunch of kittens.

I find "the norm" is overrated. I take note of those who are strong enough and secure enough to step outside it.

Dee74

I must be extraordinarily lucky with my circle of friends or it's very different here, but I was vege for many years and never once was it an issue - except with my family

Go figure.
D

Sobersunshine

I was a vegetarian for about 15 years. I do eat some meat now, but will probably go back to vegetarianism or veganism at some point. I still can't believe how rude people can be about what someone else is or is ingesting. I never brought up what I ate or didnt eat or why, but no one else had any problem questioning my eating habits or saying just stupid things, like "don't you worry that the vegetables have feelings?". Lol. I think now I could handle it way better, and not be so defensive. But yeah, good point, it's the same with me not drinking.
"would you like a beer?"
"no thank you."
"why not? It's Friday."
"I don't drink."
"what! You're still not drinking?"
"no, Im not. I like not drinking."
"oh, just one won't hurt!"
"no thank you.im having fun without it."
"aww come on!"
"no, I'm ok, really."
Sigh. The people who know I'm in AA don't do this to me,thankfully, but it gets a bit wearisome. When I drank, I never cared what or how much others were drinking, as long as *i* was getting as much I wanted!
Ok,thanks for letting me rant!

Db1105

Being a vegetarian is a choice. Being an alcoholic isn't. It's comparing apples and oranges.

Joe Nerv

There is a very clear similarity in the way the rest of the world sees and reacts to a vegetarian, and a non drinker. There is however a huge difference between the 2. Not eating meat is a not a life or death choice for me, not drinking is.

soberlicious

The title of the thread says "what they have in common", not "how they are exactly alike". I'm pretty sure most people can discern that an addiction to alcohol is deadly.

I think bigsombrero made an interesting observation.

Joe Nerv

Not disagreeing.

soberlicious

wasn't saying you were...

I didn't read the OP as saying that alcohol addiction and being vegetarian/vegan are similar, rather that other people's reactions to my personal choices is similar.

I don't see it as apples and oranges at all...maybe more like oranges and tangerines.

fini

i don't eat meat, and haven't for well over twenty years.
5the only reaction i ever get is a simple "oh...?" and if i get raised eyebrows with that, i smile and shrug.
used to be, though, that people seemed to get defensive, as if i were saying it to score some kind of point. which i wasn't. i never mentioned it unless there was a good reason to.

hm...every once in a while, someone does ask in a open-mouthed-popping-out-eyes kind of way "but what on earth do you EAT???"
and i laugh and say "oh, all the other 6000 good things out there."