trailrunrbyday

I am reading the book, "Drinking, a Love Story" and it is like I wrote it. It is almost entirely my experience and it is helping me to realize how normal my struggles and actions are for an Alcoholic. It is amazing.

I am realizing that as I tell the people I love that I am alcoholic that they don't understand - they don't understand why I "just can't stop", why I have lied and deceived (how much I drank in a night - when I last did etc.) when it is NOT morally ME to do so - I would NEVER lie to my husband sober - I can say that with absolute certainty and it is a value that I place highly and expect from others, why I continue to risk losing everything I love by continuing, how I can blackout and not at least stop before and why I am willing to go into debt and possibly lose my job to get better(I'm trying to find a way to get into a local treatment centre for a 30 day program - a centre that I feel s the right fit for me).

My question is has anyone who has read this book asked a loved one to read it also to help them PERHAPS understand this illness? If so - did I it help?

What other suggestions would you have to help loved ones understand? I will encourage AlAnon as well but my husband has already said he will be supportive and try to understand but he is not interested in attending group meetings designed to support the friends and family of Alcoholics.

Any insight would be much appreciated.

Kim

Dee74

I read it and I certainly identified with it as an alcoholic - I never gave it to anyone else to read tho.

D

Hevyn

I loved it too Kim - it was oddly comforting.

I think suggesting our normies read books on the subject is a good idea, but frankly my people were so disgusted with me they weren't very receptive. It was always 'why can't you just have one or two?'

I'm glad you have the support of your husband. I think it would be great if he'd read it. Maybe others will have some suggestions. Glad you are here Kim.

trailrunrbyday

Thank you both. Really wish he would read it and hope somehow it would help him understand.

Soberpotamus

I read it too, and related to lots of it. Great memoir!! Sad that she's passed away since then

My husband won't consider Alanon either. Don't know what to tell you. I've suggested he go to Alanon and marriage counseling with me. He seems to think it's all my problem, that he is just fine.

The one thing that seemed to let him know he might be suffering from the effects of my alcoholism was when I read to him chapters from Terence Gorski's Staying Sober. The chapter 9 on family involvement and coaddiction. I read him the warning signs of coaddiction and we were both surprised to find out that he had lots of them. So, only when I practically force feed him information like this does he seem to comprehend anything. Lol.

I hope you work things out with him. Just keep trying to let him know you do have problems with your drinking, that it will take a while to recover and there's no overnight magic pill... and that he IS involved whether he'd conveniently like to forget or not!

Johno1967

Hello again and once again that's my situation reversed. I've also got the problems and my partner who has attachment, control and anxiety issues is fine. Concerned about my drinking she suggested once upon a time that only I could change myself, no one else could do it. About this time I decided it was time to go covert with my drinking.
Well she is right about that one. I accept that and yes the only person that can change her is her.

Going to look that book up.

deeker

From my own personal experience as I look back at many failed attempts to stay sober. The real reason I wanted everyone in my family to really understand my alcoholism was so I could leave the door open to drink again. Hey Mom and Dad I relapsed cuz I am a drunk, didn't you read all about it? And it left me taking no real responsibility for myself.

No one has to understand my alcoholism but me. After all they lived it . I no longer try to push explanations down my families throats. I have a problem and now that I know I have a problem , I am responsible for working out the solution. They don't need to understand my alcoholism , or accept it or sympathize with it.

They have been thru enough.

flutter

I read it.. tough read, I identified so much with a lot of what she wrote. My husband doesn't read much, I haven't asked him to read it. He did watch that movie "Flight" though, (I haven't seen it), and he said to me "wow.. I had no idea what alcoholism was like, I feel like I understand some of what you went through" Me; "How awful I was?" Him: "No, how strong you are". Probably one of the best things he's said to me, ever.

trailrunrbyday

Deeker while I first and foremost would like to thank you for reading my post, caring to respond and understand that your response is true for you I don't agree it is true for me.

And they will be going through much more and much worse if I don't stop - this is true for me I know.

Again - I do thank you for your response and appreciate it - I just don't think it fits me.

trailrunrbyday

That is beautiful - thank you Flutter

deeker

I didn't say it fit you. I always only share my experience.

ForMyGirls

I downloaded the book and started reading it last night after having seen it mentioned on this (and other) threads. I can relate to her drinking 100%... The anxiety about there not being "enough" alcohol around, sneaking my own bottle with me on trips, covering up how much I was really drinking, etc, etc... Also, the "functional alcoholic" thing is spot on for me personally... Pretty much NO ONE knew/knows how bad I had gotten, aside from my wife, and I've been blessed tremendously in my professional life...

Not sure whether I'll ask my wife to read it or not yet, but it has been an interesting/good read so far. Thanks for the suggestion...

LadyinBC

Yes! So did I.

trailrunrbyday

I finished it and found so much comfort in it I almost started it again immediately LOL. Comfort and sadness but mostly comfort. I have had many embarrassing/dark moments but one was my husband finding me slugging from a bottle I had hidden in my purse after I attempted to appear to drink *normally* at a friend's home all evening only to have *pre-drank* and snuck away to the bathroom for nips from the bottle all night. The obsessing about there not being enough - that was me going to the cottage every weekend for as long as I can remember when I lived close to my parents....there where so many parallels and I think one of the reasons I thought it might help for husband to read it is that she carries on with actions that I did that my husband was so disappointed by (drinking more than she promised, hiding bottles, getting loaded when she promised to keep it under control that night) but then she explains how she felt and how her intentions truly where to do what she said.....

It has been so hard to live and virtually impossible to explain that I'm not just lying and choosing to do everything I said I wouldn't - I am not in control no matter how much I desire to be when I touch alcohol

It's so frustrating