Mini Bender
Mini Bender
Back to day 1. Slammed a 12 pack after an argument w GF yesterday. Arrrrgh. Last time I did that I didn't log back on here for over a year. Told myself I was just going to have 2 to calm down, didn't quite work out like that. Did make it 51 days. The beer actually tasted bad (for the first few). Feeling edgy hungover and upset with myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
I had to man up and admit that I could NOT drink in safety. For whatever dishonest reason as I made up all sorts of reasons like the sun rose and set every day. I call it getting honest with myself. BE WELL
Back to day 1. Slammed a 12 pack after an argument w GF yesterday. Arrrrgh. Last time I did that I didn't log back on here for over a year. Told myself I was just going to have 2 to calm down, didn't quite work out like that. Did make it 51 days. The beer actually tasted bad (for the first few). Feeling edgy hungover and upset with myself.
Be Vigilant. Work your program
I am always, save about 10 minutes a day, right there too.
51 days is amazing.
Slip if you must, but don't fall.
The guilt and shame will not serve you in anyway but "serving" you.
Just feel it, let it go, and start again.
51 days is amazing.
Slip if you must, but don't fall.
The guilt and shame will not serve you in anyway but "serving" you.
Just feel it, let it go, and start again.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 383
Just chalk it up to more "field research" that should demonstrate to you that you can't drink like someone who isn't alcoholic. Forget the "why" - knowing you are an alcoholic means that you are powerless against it - there will always be some "thing" that triggers the desire to drink - until that obsession is removed by a Power greater than you. Here's our deal, if you are one of us: The first drink gets us drunk, because we never stop at 1. Don't beat yourself up - you can stay sober today, but only by accepting defeat - by accepting that you are an alcoholic. Once you get desperate enough to try anything and go to any length to not drink, you can take action and go to an AA meeting. That's where the rubber meets the road, but you may need to do more "research" before giving up. I know I didn't stay in the first few times - always ended up drunk until I gave in an attended that meeting I didn't want to attend. The good people there showed me acceptance and my sponsor showed me how truly addicted and powerless I was. You are just doing what comes naturally to an alcoholic - but there is an answer when you decide you are ready - God bless.
Actually thinking of doing AA again. I know I need to do something a little different. I want to build as strong a House as possible and I found a crack in the foundation I need to plug with something good. Any ideas?
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
"Doing AA" is not the same thing as following a program of recovery. Neither is going to a lot of meetings a program of recovery. You can't "do" this program without someone taking you through the Big Book 12 Steps.
Sobriety requires a commitment to recovery. If AA isn't for you, then try one of the many alternatives. No amount of suggestions, support or advice will get you sober. That's something that comes from within. The misery you describe on the day after is nature's way of telling you...something.
Sobriety requires a commitment to recovery. If AA isn't for you, then try one of the many alternatives. No amount of suggestions, support or advice will get you sober. That's something that comes from within. The misery you describe on the day after is nature's way of telling you...something.
I'm glad you're thinking of new things EW...do follow through
And...I rarely give relationship advice but as a long time reader of your threads, I can't help thinking Carl has a point too...your relationship (or problems in it) seem to have driven you to drink more than once.
You either need to fundamentally change the way you react to things, or change the situation, I think.
D
And...I rarely give relationship advice but as a long time reader of your threads, I can't help thinking Carl has a point too...your relationship (or problems in it) seem to have driven you to drink more than once.
You either need to fundamentally change the way you react to things, or change the situation, I think.
D
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
So glad you're back after being bucked off the stallion. You know I had a phone call from my older brother this morning which ended up ticking me right off. I was frustrated and angry and it struck me..that I was having a bit of temper tantrum over something really benign. I realized I have no emotional muscle because I have drank for every damn lame excuse I can..especially anger and frustration.
If I drank this morning, I would have been just spinning my wheels and continued my 5 year old temper tantrum everytime someone said or did something frustrating.
Knocking back a few drinks solves nothing but keep you handicapped in the sense you can't handle conflict.
I also realized that I personalized what he said...like it had something to do with me..like I was stupid or worthless. NO..he's just a controlling arse sometimes. Big deal..his problem..not mine.
If I drank this morning, I would have been just spinning my wheels and continued my 5 year old temper tantrum everytime someone said or did something frustrating.
Knocking back a few drinks solves nothing but keep you handicapped in the sense you can't handle conflict.
I also realized that I personalized what he said...like it had something to do with me..like I was stupid or worthless. NO..he's just a controlling arse sometimes. Big deal..his problem..not mine.
I don't mean to hijack this thread but from my understanding of the disease, a slip or relapse happens usually well before someone picks up. Blaming a fight with his girlfriend is just an excuse. She didn't cause it, she can't control it and she can't cure it.
I am sorry but I am really triggered that she has become the scapegoat. I am the wife of an addict and has blamed before. Sadly, I believed it. There will always be an excuse, if someone doesn't really commit to being clean and sober.
I am sorry but I am really triggered that she has become the scapegoat. I am the wife of an addict and has blamed before. Sadly, I believed it. There will always be an excuse, if someone doesn't really commit to being clean and sober.
I don't mean to hijack this thread but from my understanding of the disease, a slip or relapse happens usually well before someone picks up. Blaming a fight with his girlfriend is just an excuse. She didn't cause it, she can't control it and she can't cure it.
I am sorry but I am really triggered that she has become the scapegoat. I am the wife of an addict and has blamed before. Sadly, I believed it. There will always be an excuse, if someone doesn't really commit to being clean and sober.
I am sorry but I am really triggered that she has become the scapegoat. I am the wife of an addict and has blamed before. Sadly, I believed it. There will always be an excuse, if someone doesn't really commit to being clean and sober.
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