Notices

Mini Bender

Old 06-13-2013, 05:40 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
Sorry to hear but glad you are here posting. All we can do is brush ourselves off and start again.
Midlifecrisis is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:38 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post
You can't "do" this program without someone taking you through the Big Book 12 Steps.
after the jack alexander article about AA was published in the Saturday evening post, a flood of requests for the big book came in. there were many,many people that got sober with nothing more than the big book. no other people in AA around them to take them through the steps.

although I encourage anyone who feels AA will help to go to meetings and get a sponsor, it is possible for a person to get sober without someone taking them through the steps. it happens quite often.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 07:25 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberclover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I nodded my head in agreement with doggonecarl. I, however, think being without a GF for awhile might be rather refreashing for you. I also liked your idea about AA. I jump back and forth about going but I rarely go to one lately where I haven't walked out glad that I went. For me going to a meeting can only help vs. hurt. I'm also getting a lot out of seeing a therapist. Helps give a different perspective.
soberclover is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 08:45 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Deckard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by ElegantlyWasted View Post
Arrrrgh. Last time I did that I didn't log back on here for over a year.
Just want to say I hope you don't go away for a year this time! I have really appreciated all your input and thoughts on so many threads and topics. You make a real difference around here and you would be missed.
Deckard is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 08:52 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Getting there!!
 
LoveMeNow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by ElegantlyWasted View Post
I would appreciate you actually reading my post. I did not blame my GF. She was not scapegoated in any way either. I think it may be constructive for you to consider the possibility that you are projecting your own issues onto the general subject, while ignoring the actual sequence and context of events. I welcome all input, advice etc, yet feel your post on this thread added context based on you personal experiences and would give the wrong impression to someone just reading your post.
If you read my post, I didn't say you were the one blaming her.

Also, I am fairly confident that other posters can interpret the context of the thread and highly doubt my post will give a wrong impression. But then again, I could be wrong, won't be the first time.

I sincerely hope you continue to work on your sobriety because YOU are worth having a sober and happy life.
LoveMeNow is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 08:56 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Thread Starter
 
ElegantlyWasted's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow View Post
If you read my post, I didn't say you were the one blaming her.

Also, I am fairly confident that other posters can interpret the context of the thread and highly doubt my post will give a wrong impression. But then again, I could be wrong, won't be the first time.

I sincerely hope you continue to work on your sobriety because YOU are worth having a sober and happy life.
No offense but you did specifically write,

"Blaming a fight with his girlfriend is just an excuse...she has become the scapegoat"

Which takes what I actually wrote out of context.
ElegantlyWasted is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 08:57 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
I think you need to read through some past threads to get the context LoveMeNow.

It wasn't anyones fault when I drank - tho I did blame people at the time.

I had myself in some pretty codependent and maladjusted relationships though.

Like I said earlier, I either had to fundamentally change the way I reacted to things, or change the situation itself.

I still think that's good advice

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 10:51 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
EndGame
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
after the jack alexander article about AA was published in the Saturday evening post, a flood of requests for the big book came in. there were many,many people that got sober with nothing more than the big book. no other people in AA around them to take them through the steps.

although I encourage anyone who feels AA will help to go to meetings and get a sponsor, it is possible for a person to get sober without someone taking them through the steps. it happens quite often.
Yeah, that didn't come out exactly the way I would have liked...

I'm aware that people get sober in different ways. In my experience, people who go through the steps seem to do better than those who don't. I've also known a few people who've stayed sober with no program at all.

Though it does not work for me, I've come to embrace harm reduction models of treatment for many people in my professional life, but that's a topic for another thread.
EndGameNYC is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 11:39 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Recovering
 
Michael66's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Well done on getting straight back on the wagon SW.

The toughest thing for me about embracing sobriety was really accepting that, whatever happens, drinking is no longer an option for me. It was tough to begin with to know that I would never drink again, in fact I was dead miserable for 3-4 months, but now my sobriety is more valuable to me than drinking used to be.

This wagon is traveling a good road. Welcome back on board.
Michael66 is offline  
Old 06-13-2013, 11:48 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Recovering
 
Michael66's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
after the jack alexander article about AA was published in the Saturday evening post, a flood of requests for the big book came in. there were many,many people that got sober with nothing more than the big book. no other people in AA around them to take them through the steps.

although I encourage anyone who feels AA will help to go to meetings and get a sponsor, it is possible for a person to get sober without someone taking them through the steps. it happens quite often.
I have used the 12 steps with a priest as someone to confess wrong-doings to. That's just another take on the 12 steps which to me basically follow the traditional Christian method of an examination of conscience, repentance, confession and reparation (all in the knowledge we need God's healing).

Just another take on the 12 steps. I really appreciated the Big Book as well - lots of wisdom between its covers).
Michael66 is offline  
Old 06-14-2013, 04:16 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Om, Aum, Ohm...
 
Sugah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
after the jack alexander article about AA was published in the Saturday evening post, a flood of requests for the big book came in. there were many,many people that got sober with nothing more than the big book. no other people in AA around them to take them through the steps.
(An aside)

And that's how AA spread -- because the 12th step suggests carrying the message to other alcoholics. So, yes, you can theoretically take the steps without a sponsor if you don't have one accessible, but if you want the lasting results of the steps, you'll need to find other alcoholics to work with.

ElegantlyWasted -- I haven't been active here for awhile, as work/family/AA has kept me pretty busy. I do remember your screen name. You've been a member here almost as long as I have.

I pray you may find what it takes to surrender, to feel so utterly defeated inside that you're ready to say: Okay, man, my way doesn't work anymore. I'll get the hell out of my own way and accept help.

I pray you the Gift of Desperation. From my first treatment to my last, I endured fifteen years of misery. That Gift is what helped me to commit to sobriety.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
Sugah is offline  
Old 06-14-2013, 04:54 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Grateful to be free
 
Threshold's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
SO glad you didn't stay away this time.

I remember my last "let's try this one more time" drink...it didn't taste good either...or feel good. The whole insanity of "I'm upset, I think I'll hurt myself some more" never REALLY made me feel better.

As far as suggestions...first take the option of drinking off the table. Decide you're not doing it anymore. period. That frees up a lot of room to try other things.

I found that reaching way outside my bag of tricks helped a great deal because when I was in brand new territory it was very difficult to slip back into my old ways. The new things took a lot of attention, time and effort...and they were interesting because it was a whole new thing...no same old, same old.

I started getting into chakras and cleansing my aura and relaxation videos and guided meditations on youtube. A different perspective on a relationship with myself, life etc. Visualization has been a huge help to me, because it gives me practice "seeing" things in a new way. My old way wasn't doing me any favors.

I do work 12 steps, have an NA sponsor on the other side of the country, but do most of my 12 step work through other 12 step programs (some of them pagan and new agey) and get community and support online...through guides, questions etc, and use SR as my recovery community.

I walk labyrinths. I do online meditations in the morning. I do gratitude lists and exercises...it's gotten me clean and kept me clean for over a year. I never made it past a couple of months before. I don't think the methods I use have any special power or magic, but I do think the fact that they are totally different from my old ways of thinking helped break the stranglehold my old destructive patterns had on me.
Threshold is offline  
Old 06-14-2013, 06:49 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Originally Posted by ElegantlyWasted View Post
Hear 'ya... I tricked myself too and am "manning" up to it.
Actually thinking of doing AA again. I know I need to do something a little different. I want to build as strong a House as possible and I found a crack in the foundation I need to plug with something good. Any ideas?
When I was having difficult times I was told "MEETINGS, MEETINGS, MEETINGS." It works IF we work it! BE WELL
visch1 is offline  
Old 06-14-2013, 07:04 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
DG0409's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Edited: posted before reading all the responses
DG0409 is offline  
Old 06-14-2013, 11:07 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
ru12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
There are lots of casualties to alcoholism.
ru12 is offline  
Old 06-15-2013, 11:03 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Nothing is impossible!
 
Nighthawk8820's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by ElegantlyWasted View Post
Back to day 1. Slammed a 12 pack after an argument w GF yesterday. Arrrrgh. Last time I did that I didn't log back on here for over a year. Told myself I was just going to have 2 to calm down, didn't quite work out like that. Did make it 51 days. The beer actually tasted bad (for the first few). Feeling edgy hungover and upset with myself.
Learn from this. You made the choice to drink as soon as things got stressful, so how can you prevent and rise above this reaction in the future? Life comes with MANY stressors, so you need to learn how to deal with them in a healthier manner, which you can.
Nighthawk8820 is offline  
Old 06-16-2013, 05:18 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
 
flutter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
So glad you came back, hope you're doing ok. And yeah, I feel comfortable adding "ditch the girlfriend" after knowing quite a bit of the backstory there. I really hope you can take some time to recover YOU, alone, with nothing else to distract from the work you need and hopefully want to do.
flutter is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:18 PM.