ImReadyToQuit

You check your toilet paper after #2.........

You check your cell phone messages as soon as you wake up......

You constantly google for health problems you have.....

add yours...

Coolmel

You find an inner voice that try's to convince you that the 6 or so pounds you gained a couple of months after quitting should be worrisome and that going back to drinking 6 to 12 beers every single day is probably better for you than sobriety because at least you weren't becoming a fatso.

happybeingme

you check the number of beers left before you grab the halfnhalf for your first cup of coffee for the day.

before you go to bed you rearrange the beers in the fridge so it looks like there are more left than there really is.

Nuudawn

You check your facebook or outgoing cell logs for drunken posts/texts/dials...
You look outside to see if your truck is there
You think you can manage alcohol despite blackouts, previous trips to SR and AA...and a trail of failure in your wake

Opivotal

Your day is consumed with thoughts of alcohol.

Fandy

You tell yourself that drinking a bottle of wine every day is "not so bad".....at least it is not like Mr. X who drinks a bottle of vodka!

you count the ice cubes in your drink as part of your water intake.

GracieLou

LOL HAHAHA!

You hate throwing out that watered down drink left from the night before because hey, waste not want not.

When you don't have to look at the bottle to see how much is left. How heavy it is tells you what you need to know.

soberclover

You look out the window in the morning to see if your car is there;
The phone guy knows your password because you keep having to buy a new cell phone because you "lost it again";
You stop wondering how you got the black and blue marks on your body because you don't want to know;
You take milk thistle because you think it will make a difference to your liver.

tomsteve

you wont admit it.

silentrun

You rotate liquor stores. You know you will drink however much you buy so you try to control your drinking by buying "only" a pint of whiskey. Then you have to buy more the next night.

Soberpotamus

Ah! Very much relate to this one! Although my DOC was wine.

Olive1

I used to do this all the time! I didn't want the folks behind the counter to see me every day, so I used to go to a different store everyday.

The laws in my state changed a few years after I got sober. They started selling liquor in all the stores. I was mad for about five minutes about that.

caboblanco

you go barhopping alone.

you drank more on some random Wednesday night as you did at your own bachelor party

you get heartburn so bad you vomited

you go to the liquor store 3 times in one day because you lie to yourself and buy only a twelve pack and you think that will satisfy you

DG0409

you don't know where your money goes

you don't keep a budget

you don't admit that you don't keep a budget because you don't want to see how much you spend on alcohol and couldn't stick to a budget because of how much you spend on alcohol

you don't trust yourself with your wallet

you wake up on the bathroom floor, then vomit

you're unhappy and it's all your significant other's fault

you can't remember anything

you wake up feeling like s*** and think it's normal

you wake up at 10 am, and suffer through until noon with 4 pots of coffee until you can 'legitimately' have 1 beer with lunch

you find that one beer with lunch turns into another and another and then a nap before a night of heavy drinking

you find yourself drinking while driving despite never approving of that before

you get the majority of your calories from alcohol

you have to sneak alcohol into the movie theater in order to sit through the movie

ElegantlyWasted

You alternate convenience stores for multiple unintended liquor runs in one night.

Deluxe

You spend considerable energy trying to act "normal" so those around you wont notice you've been drinking (the eye contact is the hardest part)

You can't eat anything without having almost instant diarrhea

Washing your hair in the shower with your eyes closed results in head spins and loss of balance

You say things to the people you love that you would never dream of saying when sober

You have no time on your hands and yet never actually get anything done

Your electricity gets turned off because "they never sent me a bill" (yea right)

You hide bottles so well that you can never find them and then spend forever looking for them.

People you've never met before say to you "are you all right" or "you know you drink to much"?

You forget your words mid sentence and in an attempt to fill the void blabber on about nothing

You are short of breath when speaking

Your idea of just one drink requires the purchase of a whole 750mm of Vodka

You know that bile is a slightly fluorescent green colour and that your teeth feel like sandpaper against each other after vomiting

You have to take care going down stairs the morning after a hard night because your knees feel like they are going to give way

You feel elated when you discover more booze left in the bottle than you though would be there

You have a whole collection of DVDs and you have no idea how the movie ends despite having watched them all

You ask 3 Women out on a date in a single day and then forget to turn up for any of them

You scramble to check if your Credit Cards are in your wallet the next morning and that you are wearing your watch...and them feel enormous relief when they are there

You tell taxi drivers at random that you are an alcoholic just to see what sort of response you get

You feel furious that liquor stores open at 10:00 am on some days and even then employees will open them 7 minutes late

Your hand shakes so badly that you hope they wont notice your absurd scribble of a signature bears no resemblance to the one on the back of the card

You creep downstairs in the morning acting casually waiting to see if you screwed up and who you owe an apology to

Your sheets don't get changed and grow slightly brown with sweat in no time at all

I say "you" but that is all stuff that happened to me....all the time.

Boleo

You sometimes think about robbing a liquor store... for the liquor

You get so drunk you have to crawl up the stairs... feet first

You pour beer in the orange juice and the vodka on the cereal... simply because you got the bottles mixed up

You watch TV with the sound turned all the way down... and the power turned all the way off

:rotfxko

waynetheking

You call all your friends and make idle chat just to see if you said or did something the night before that pissed them off cause you can't remember.

Justfor1

Waking up in a strange place and going through the usual procedure. Keys? Yes. Wallet? Yes. Money left? No. Cell Phone? No

Eddiebuckle

...when giving up alcohol and committing suicide seem roughly equivalent options to solving your problems.