Tetra

I am not sure where to start. I had a slip a few weeks ago but I am still on track. My addictions therapist put me on antebuse and that was ok for a few days, but then I started to feel not quite right. I also take a very small dose of klonplin at night because I had seizures when I was a very small baby. I haven't had a full blown seizure for a long time now, but sometimes when I am very very stressed out I get these kind of jerks, monoclonic jerks.I have been taking klonopin for a quite a few years now. Actually, I was doing fine and hadn't had a jerk for a long time either. I have been very stressed out, looking for work and everything...anyway yesterday I was doing dishes, and I just knew that a jerk was coming. These jerks are always very upsetting and I was so stressed out and I had a couple of jerks and spent the night curled up crying.

Today I went and explained all this to my therapist and he reduced the aantebuse right back. I feel so much better already now. He came up with the suggestion of a 28 day rehab centre again. I was still dead against it at the time, definitely not. I went and visited my gran and brought her the newspaper. She gave me 10 euros "because you always were a good girl" I ended up telling her everything. Her response was "all of this worrying is going to give you horrible wrinkles, you worry way too much dear". She said "maybe a 28 day place wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, it would give you some time to deal with your issues away from your mother". She also said "if you ever put a bottle to your lips again you are finished with me" I left my Grans feeling a lot better about everything in general. I can't explain.

When I got home I called the centre to ask a few questions. She said they don't admit people who take klonopin but I decided to visit them this week anyway, and if I go for 28 days I will ask my neurologist if there is a different medication I could take instead of klonopin.

I had the weekend from hell, but I am feeling a lot brighter today. I have decided to stop sharing everything with my mom. It serves no purpose. When I got home she said "you seem brighter today", and I told her that I had a jerk due to anxiety about not being able to find a job. She replied "sure you won't need a job, your father and I will always mind you". It's responses like this that drive me crazy.

I am feeling good now. I am doing a mountain climb this weekend in aid of a cancer treatment centre. To be honest, I was in two minds about this hike, will I go or not, until this afternoon, when I decided *** it, I will do it. And I began to feel a lot better. I have been having a hard time, my exams are over for the past month, and I have been sitting around with nothing to do. When I began making small decisions, I began to feel a lot better.

My brother is leaving for his new life in the US sometime this week. He gave me two old bookcases that he doesn't want anymore. My plan for tonight is to look at my CV and spend some time cleaning the shelves and arranging my books Tomorrow I am going to an AA meeting

We had glorious weather here for the past few days, but it's bad again. As soon as I stopped obsessing over everything, I felt a lot brighter. I am making movie plans with my friends again, so that will be fun. I love going to the cinema.

Thanks for taking the time to read. I do appreciate it a lot, and I hope all of you are well. I will report back after my AA meeting tomorrow night.

Love from Tetra x

Dee74

I'm glad you're feeling a little better Tetra

D

Bubovski

Hi Tetra.
I was at an A.A. annual convention yesterday and an Irish lady spoke out re her past problems and her happiness with new AA FRIENDS.
iT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL TO HEAR HER.
Like they say at AA ......keep coming back!

Hevyn

Hi tetra. I'm very happy you're more cheerful, too. You're doing the right thing by keeping busy and distracting yourself. I like your attitude! Please do let us know how the meeting goes.

Sudz No More

You're doing great Tetra, it's only small bumps in the pavement. You still haven't upset the Applecart Keep up the awesome work, you're worth it.

soberclover

You're doing great Tetra....keep it up!

Tetra

I am sitting here typing and it is one month and one day since I finished my exams. I have accomplished nothing. I have fallen into bad routines of staying up late watching DVDs and waking up late, in jammies late and doing nothing. And I slipped, and spent a lot of time beating myself up over it.

My dad and my alcohol therapist made me feel very bad over it, I admit. My moods are up and down. I was very upset yesterday, until I started making small decisions for myself. I felt good for the rest of the evening, and I had made plans for today: get up at a reasonable hour, go for a walk, come home, eat lunch, go to see my therapist, get a prescription refilled, go to an AA meeting, visit my gran again if I have time, come home.

My day started badly. I woke up feeling very upset and anxious. I slept late but went for a walk. Actually I was very anxious until after I saw my therapist, I cried in his office. Actually, my anxiety comes and goes and I had another jerk. My jerks and my anxiety are both related. My chemist wouldn't refill my prescription so I had to go to my GP for another prescription to keep me going. My GP appointment was for 5pm. AA meeting was 5:30. At 5:50 I was still waiting to be seen so I had to skip the AA meeting and I am going on Friday instead. I felt horrible, and ended up calling to my gran for another chat. She said "life is very short, try to enjoy it".

I hate having these jerks in front of my dad, but I can't help it. He was saying to me "calm down, have a drink of water and breathe deeply". I felt a lot better then.

I am at home now and watching an old episode of Everybody Loves Raymond and having some warm milk before I go to bed. Note to self: keep practicing your breathing.