Ready to get honest with a doc who might be worth his salt
 

Okay, the subject line says it all and I'm going to try and be brief. I've popped in and out of here like a mosquito over the past year or so—the frequency of my visits should be an indication of how well I've done with quitting (read: not well at all.)

I've been through a rash of doctors and specialists over the past few months. Each visit has fallen into one of two groups: (1) I lost my nerve and, even though I spent hours before the visit commanding myself NOT to, lied about my drinking problem (ie: "...Only about 3-4 a night" vs the truth [6-8 a night, mish mash of beer and liquor.]) OR (2) I was completely open about my issue and the specialist/doctor was completely unhelpful ("try mixing some pomegranate juice with tonic water, that helps me" was a good one; one guy just talked AT me for an hour about what an amazing counselor he is.)

I'm finally with a doctor who I think is both worth his salt and who I plan on TODAY being honest with. He knows, from prior visits, that drinking is a concern of mine. I have not been truthful with him about the fact that I think I'm more addicted then just "working through a mild dependency."

Anyway, here's the bottom line and where I was hoping to get insight from some old hands at this (as I'm relatively young and trying to tackle this disease before it really burns my ass.)

(1) I know I need to get to a meeting. I know I need to find a program. I want to do these things, but I for some reason have a mental block about doing that UNTIL I have tackled detox (because yes, I do experience withdrawal symptoms when I don't drink, particularly severe nausea, brain fog, and anxiety.)
(2) In the past, this doctor prescribed me Neurontin (Gabapentin) to help me break my "mild dependency." I freaked out and stopped it after one night of terrible insomnia and anxiety. In hindsight, I wonder if it was the Gabapentin that caused this, or alcohol withdrawal.
(3) After this, once I (very foolishly) lied to my doctor about having my drinking more under control, he prescribed me Wellbutrin and Klonopin for anxiety/depression (and yes, I realize how incredibly idiotic it is of me to be drinking while on these medications.)
(4) I want to home detox (I don't think I'm at a point in my drinking, based on past withdrawal symptoms, where I need inpatient treatment) starting TODAY.

So here's where I am now, as I sit waiting on his phone call: 150mg of Wellbutrin daily and a .5mg of Klonopin at bedtime, usually after I am somewhere between buzzed and drunk. What do I need to say to this doctor when he calls me? Has anyone been in a similar place and had a positive experience with detox? Overall I do trust this doctor, but I also want to know if there are any red flags I should be looking for (ie If someone has had a very bad experience on a particular medication, I want to hear about it so I can question him cogently if he prescribes it.)

Sorry to ramble. Any advice at all would be much appreciated.

Your doctor can't do his or her job if you are dishonest about your drinking. You can't get sober if you are dishonest about your drinking. You asked about red flags...They are plenty and I think there indicated by your behavor.

I was my own worst enemy when it came to my recovery. I put up roadblock after roadblock.

I can say the same about yours.

I guess by now you will have had the call, how did it go? Good for you for seeking help!