silentrun

[QUOTE=EndGameNYC;4004400]When I relapsed for 3 years after 27 years without a drink, I struggled with cravings for almost a year. I spent a great deal of time planning on how I would drink, and on how I would keep my drinking from everyone else. It was driving me crazy and left me extremely unhappy.

A year? After 27 without. Do you have any insight as to what brings them on? For the last month the thoughts would float out just as they floated in. Now I have to push them out. I am catching myself trying to plan how not to get caught even though I could do it right out in the open as no one thinks I am an A. Which is great, but I have zero accountability. I don't expect to just get to walk away. So far I have only been using this website for support. I may need more.

Baloo

Good job on 4 months!
Good job on feeling like crap afterwards, that will probably help you out.
You have a ton to build on with your success.

And I'm glad everybody is talking about anxiety, bcuz that's gonna help me in my approach. Just not sure how yet.

Nuudawn

You are NOT defined by your last decision...you are defined by your next one! Keep fighting the good fight. Pick self up, dust self off and get back to sober business. You're here. Good on ya.

EndGameNYC

I relapsed without having cravings; I just started drinking again. I convinced myself that I could drink safely after 27 years. I'd be more careful. I'd stop if/when things got bad. It wasn't a big deal, until I couldn't stop drinking, and then started drinking round-the-clock. I didn't have any cravings during the 27 years without a drink. What happened with me, and what happens to a lot of people, is that once I started drinking, I became obsessed with the next drink. And then I needed it just to medicate my withdrawal symptoms.

There is no silver lining, no insight, to my story. There is only suffering; suffering and recovery from suffering. I cannot know why I had cravings for so long in my return to sobriety, other than that I was a different person with a different physiology than I was when I first go sober. The AA Big Book promises that this will change, and I had no choice but to embrace this.

I learned that I couldn't wish away my cravings or "push them out." I wouldn't have survived without meetings, Big Book meetings in particular. I'm an educated person and have accumulated a lifetime's worth of skepticism, so I didn't just swallow 12-step recovery readily. I had enough faith in the process from my first time around that things would indeed get better that it was worth a try, particularly since nothing else had worked for me. My recovery this time around is that much more valuable to me for the simple reason that I needed to work very hard for it.

For me, getting sober is easy; staying sober takes work. It also demands a level of faith in the process. Being happy in life for me required a radical change in perspective, one that I found though 12-step recovery and psychotherapy. I proved to myself more than once that I cannot do this alone. Life is now an adventure to be lived, and not a problem to be solved.

I encourage you seek all the support you can get.

Lrdz7173

Hi there,

It's really been a long time i do not get on this forum. I have been on and off drinking for the past month. However, i found something that is working for me. I bought down my alcohol consumption and cravings by drinking choosing a wine that taste like wine without the large amount of alcohol in it. I have tried to stop drinking cold turkey and it just doesn't work for me. However, i feel with this technique im feeling like i can enjoy my summer days more and more because im not always drunk.

This is a huge step for me and i also feel encouraged because i am in love with a man who i want to keep and forever be happy with him.

gigi123

Let's look on the positive side. For four months prior to this, you had a break from alcohol and resultant self abuse. Congrats. Now dust yourself up and get up, keep moving.

Back in my childhood, I lived in a very hilly terrain. Some of the hills we had to climb were almost verticle, very steep. I remember sometimes, out of necessity I had to step back to get a better footing forward. And so it is with sobriety. A step back can be used as a basis to gain firmer footing.

You are already learning this, as evidenced by your post. Keep trucking on. You are not alone.

Nuudawn

I'm confused..this post was started by Pawsgal in early June...are you pawsgal Lrdz7173?