I am a drunk. And I am pregnant.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 44
I am a drunk. And I am pregnant.
I'm starting a thread here as well because I'm new and am not sure how active the "women's only" recovery group is.
I thought I was just a social drinker, until the day that I realized my period was late and I took a pregnancy test, which turned up positive. My period was only late by a few days, but in the weeks between conception and the pregnancy test, I was drinking heavily and often.
I did not think I had a drinking problem until I wrote down day for day, each drink that I had, and then I thought about my pattern of drinking, my reasons for drinking, and the likely consequences of my drinking - having a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome or other alcohol related birth defects.
I have not had a drink since that positive pregnancy test, nor do I plan to drink ever again. I'm starting in AA and am just trying to deal with the idea that I will have to live for years without knowing the full consequences of the drinking, i.e. will my child be okay.
Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this or knows someone who has gone through this.
I thought I was just a social drinker, until the day that I realized my period was late and I took a pregnancy test, which turned up positive. My period was only late by a few days, but in the weeks between conception and the pregnancy test, I was drinking heavily and often.
I did not think I had a drinking problem until I wrote down day for day, each drink that I had, and then I thought about my pattern of drinking, my reasons for drinking, and the likely consequences of my drinking - having a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome or other alcohol related birth defects.
I have not had a drink since that positive pregnancy test, nor do I plan to drink ever again. I'm starting in AA and am just trying to deal with the idea that I will have to live for years without knowing the full consequences of the drinking, i.e. will my child be okay.
Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this or knows someone who has gone through this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Welcome ClearBlue. I went through a similar situation. I was drinking when I was first pregnant, but thought there was no chance I could be pregnant (was taking birth control pills!). My son was not born with FAS. (He was born prematurely, but I was assured it had nothing to do with my drinking early in the pregnancy.) I had been a very heavy drinker, too.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
Great work and nice to meet you.
I am an addict and also gave up all substances including alcohol which i drank way too much of also to have my first baby (now 13.). I also did not touch anything after that positive pregnancy test.
I have had another 4 babies since then and been able to stay clean for all the pregnancies. For them.
My advice to you would be to take time to work on loving yourself as well as this precious bub. 5 babies later I am discovering now that I am no longer pregnant or feeding (youngest is 2.5) that I don't know how to stay clean and sober just for myself. Big time relapse and now trying to claw my way back out.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Very special and exciting
I am an addict and also gave up all substances including alcohol which i drank way too much of also to have my first baby (now 13.). I also did not touch anything after that positive pregnancy test.
I have had another 4 babies since then and been able to stay clean for all the pregnancies. For them.
My advice to you would be to take time to work on loving yourself as well as this precious bub. 5 babies later I am discovering now that I am no longer pregnant or feeding (youngest is 2.5) that I don't know how to stay clean and sober just for myself. Big time relapse and now trying to claw my way back out.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Very special and exciting
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I drank ( probably a lot ) before I learned that I was pregnant with twins. I was terrified I had somehow damaged my babies. I quit drinking while I was pregnant and they were born very healthy at 7'10" and 6'1".
Congrats on your pregnancy and even more Congrats on giving up the drink ! Take care!
Congrats on your pregnancy and even more Congrats on giving up the drink ! Take care!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
Welcome and congratulations ClueBlueSky,
Good for you for not continuing to drink. Perhaps this is a good time to think about the underlying reasons you drank, so you don't return to it once the baby is born.
Good prenatal care is essential for both mom and baby so be sure to see a doctor soon
Good for you for not continuing to drink. Perhaps this is a good time to think about the underlying reasons you drank, so you don't return to it once the baby is born.
Good prenatal care is essential for both mom and baby so be sure to see a doctor soon
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
warning: male perspective
I would not beat yourself up over the past. What is done is done. You have done the best you can with the knowledge you now have. Learn from that and focus on what you can do better today to give birth to a happy, healthy baby.
Best of luck.
I would not beat yourself up over the past. What is done is done. You have done the best you can with the knowledge you now have. Learn from that and focus on what you can do better today to give birth to a happy, healthy baby.
Best of luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 44
Here is a little more of my story, if this helps provide some prospective - -
I found out I was pregnant on a Monday, at exactly 31 days from my last period, when I realized "I'm at least a day or so late." Unfortunately, the pregnancy test came at the end of a very heavy binge for me - two whole bottles of wine by myself on Friday night, 2 beers and 2 glasses of wine on Saturday night, and probably 4 or 5 beers on Sunday night.
The two bottles of wine was the big binge, but I was drinking almost daily and would on occasion have a bottle of wine by myself. The drinking was getting progressively heavier over time, and to be honest, I don't think anything but a positive pregnancy test would have stopped me.
I found out I was pregnant on a Monday, at exactly 31 days from my last period, when I realized "I'm at least a day or so late." Unfortunately, the pregnancy test came at the end of a very heavy binge for me - two whole bottles of wine by myself on Friday night, 2 beers and 2 glasses of wine on Saturday night, and probably 4 or 5 beers on Sunday night.
The two bottles of wine was the big binge, but I was drinking almost daily and would on occasion have a bottle of wine by myself. The drinking was getting progressively heavier over time, and to be honest, I don't think anything but a positive pregnancy test would have stopped me.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 144
ClearBlueSky, congratulations!
I stopped drinking exactly one month before becoming pregnant and stayed completely clean for myself and my baby. All you can do is move forward from this point try not to beat yourself up about what came before. Soon you will be able to see your baby and get some reassurance that he/she is developing normally.
I agree with other posters about taking this time to learn more about yourself and your drinking. I was never someone that my friends would have considered a heavy drinker, but once I started I always drank more than I wanted and would look back and realize later that I had had far more than "just a few". I found not drinking while I was pregnant and nursing fairly easy. But now that my son is not nursing at night I am really struggling with staying sober, far more than I ever expected I would. So after more than a year and a half I am back here accepting the help I need to stay sober.
As others have said, be honest with your doctor and forgive yourself for a past that you cannot change.
I stopped drinking exactly one month before becoming pregnant and stayed completely clean for myself and my baby. All you can do is move forward from this point try not to beat yourself up about what came before. Soon you will be able to see your baby and get some reassurance that he/she is developing normally.
I agree with other posters about taking this time to learn more about yourself and your drinking. I was never someone that my friends would have considered a heavy drinker, but once I started I always drank more than I wanted and would look back and realize later that I had had far more than "just a few". I found not drinking while I was pregnant and nursing fairly easy. But now that my son is not nursing at night I am really struggling with staying sober, far more than I ever expected I would. So after more than a year and a half I am back here accepting the help I need to stay sober.
As others have said, be honest with your doctor and forgive yourself for a past that you cannot change.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 44
I wanted to say thank you to those of you who have reached out to me to let me know that I'm not alone here! Recovery has not been easy, although I have a very STRONG REMINDER that I cannot, cannot drink - trying to keep things together for my developing baby.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Glad to hear you're headed for AA. I was in your shoes with both my biological children. Knowing I was pregnant and praying that my children didn't pay the consequences for my actions kept me sober from the time I found out I was pregnant, even through nursing (a year for one, seven months for the other), but once they were weaned, like Midlifecrisis, I was back at it. I thought having my children and being a mother would be enough to keep me sober, but it wasn't. My son & daughter were 9 & 12 when I finally got sober. My daughter is now 19 & son is 23 -- I have officially been sober for more than half of her life and soon to be half of his.
Your child need never know you as an active alcoholic. Go to AA, get a sponsor, a home group, a Big Book, and take the steps. Please.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Your child need never know you as an active alcoholic. Go to AA, get a sponsor, a home group, a Big Book, and take the steps. Please.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 44
I'm having a hard time today. One of my friends who knew that I drank before I found out I was pregnant - but who like most people had know idea how much I was drinking and that I in fact had a drinking problem - told me about a recent British study that she saw on the news which found that moms who drank moderately during pregnancy (3 to 7 drinks per week) had children with no signs of fetal alcohol issues.
I just smiled and nodded along. She thought this would cheer me up, to know that moderate drinking would have been okay.
The problem of course is that when I drank, I drank 3 to 7 drinks (or more) in a single session, not over the course of a week.
I haven't had a drink in 4 months and 15 days. But I am still filled with guilt and worry that the heavy drinking into week 3 after I conceived, before I took the pregnancy test, will result in serious developmental problems/mental retardation for the baby.
I keep praying that the odds are still in our favor, but I feel so awful today.
We actually had this conversation on our way to a "happy hour" hosted by my boss at work. I had a sparkling water as my beverage of choice, but it was hard to just sit there, feeling awful, and wanting to do anything to make that feeling go away.
I just smiled and nodded along. She thought this would cheer me up, to know that moderate drinking would have been okay.
The problem of course is that when I drank, I drank 3 to 7 drinks (or more) in a single session, not over the course of a week.
I haven't had a drink in 4 months and 15 days. But I am still filled with guilt and worry that the heavy drinking into week 3 after I conceived, before I took the pregnancy test, will result in serious developmental problems/mental retardation for the baby.
I keep praying that the odds are still in our favor, but I feel so awful today.
We actually had this conversation on our way to a "happy hour" hosted by my boss at work. I had a sparkling water as my beverage of choice, but it was hard to just sit there, feeling awful, and wanting to do anything to make that feeling go away.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
The three weeks drinking before you found out you were pregnant is past and out of your hands. Focus on being healthy and sober for the remaining term of your baby. That is something you have control of.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I realise you're scared, and guilty, but you've done everything you can to do the right thing since you took the pregnancy test at 3 weeks.
I have a good feeling about you, your pregnancy and your baby.
Try not to worry too much
D
I have a good feeling about you, your pregnancy and your baby.
Try not to worry too much
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 44
Thanks, D! I really thought I was doing better - feeling positive, letting myself breathe. Days like today just creep up on me. I'm glad that the folks on SR are here for me to talk to. I don't really post on days when I'm feeling good. In fact, I find myself coming here when I think even briefly that drinking would have made me feel "better."
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
I was exactly as you have found yourself - a month PG and had drank heavily(more than you actually) in the weeks prior to finding out. I was petrified my entire PG. and my son is a very healthy and normal beautiful 9 year old boy with no signs so FAS.
Agreeing with posts congratulating you and encouraging you to think positively and stay healthy now for your developing baby. Your mental health and attitude are also very important - try hard to stay positive and enjoy this beautiful time.
Agreeing with posts congratulating you and encouraging you to think positively and stay healthy now for your developing baby. Your mental health and attitude are also very important - try hard to stay positive and enjoy this beautiful time.
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