kinzoku

I'm doing ok at day thirteen. At least in the sense that I haven't really come close to picking up a drink. But its just man, facing my problems without alcohol, is so tough. I just can't deal with the world sober. I can't sleep. Its tough man. I guess its proof of how deep I'd gotten but....sheesh.

I mean I guess I was wrong to try to do this with so many important things happening in my life now? Or was that right? Either way I have to admit some defeats but I just, I didn't tell anyone, and maybe thats problem. People are expecting me to do a lot of things right now.

I used to mediate expectations by crawling into the bottle. Those were the hours where I could feel OK like...this is my time...and I can just feel good, or feel nothing, or whatever. But the thoughts can't stop now. Or maybe they don't come at all.

I don't know. I just feel so ******* out of my mind and I'm LITERALLY tearing my hair out.

And I don't have a person to turn to and I don't know where to vent so I'll do it here but its just...

Man.

I can't....

visch1

"And I don't have a person to turn to and I don't know where to vent so I'll do it here but its just...

Man.

I can't...."
IF you can get sober try to remember this period as we have a great tendency to forget pain. We don't have to repeat this process if we don't pick up the first drink. It's that simple! 30+ years ago I felt this way and went to AA where I was told to MAN UP and get honest with MYSELF then work the program it's way and I'd get better. I was luckily in the YA GUTTA WANA mode and today, after a lot of work, life is much better beyond my dreams. Hang in there and don't let the shite fairies ruin your life. BE WELL

MadameX

This is so very true. I have to remind myself how much pain i was in physically and mentally after every binge because when your feeling better you do forget and suddenly you have amnesia. Everytime i went thru it i always said never again i dont wanna go theu this but id find myself a few weeks or days later right back. Ill never understand it. Then recovery, the guilt that follows. One day you wont miss being drunk. One day its no longer fun.

doggonecarl

Of course you can. You did it before, you can do it again. But in the throes of early recovery, that is almost impossible to believe.

But you must.

gaffo

The world is better sober for an alcoholic. I am very glad to be sober for big decisions when important things are happening. Now that I have been sober for almost two years I give myself even more hours...my time...I don't know how I lived under the wet blanket of my habit for so long. I don't give myself hours of hangover time. No economic miracles but getting off the money-stress-drinking merry go round makes financial life easier.

zjw

I had to pretty much toss everything by the wayside. not careing about the consequences of not addressing all those "problems" in my life. I had to then take all my energy and zero in on my drinking problem and get past that FIRST before i could even think about those other problems. It was indeed very scary not knowing how the rest of that stuff would get resolved.

I learned I couldnt handle the same level of stress anymore and have to really watch what kind of nonsense i pile into my life as I might not be able to handle it. I went so far as to quit paying all my credit cards because the debt load was just too huge i threw my hands in the air said I just cant take it anymore!!! It was that or go get drunk so i opted for that route. I since was able to settle all those and i'm now out of debt so as scary as that was it worked out in the end just fine!.

Point is theres never a good time to quit. Theres never really a good time to drink either for people like us. Just gotta go with it. if you have to force certain things out of your life to lighten your load while you battle this go ahead and do it sobriety should be the #1 goal the rest can follow in after that.

And like others said dont forget this period because its an important thing to remember in order keep it between you and picking up again. The thought of having to pull myself out of that pit again terrifies me enough to not wanna drink ever again.

Threshold

I had to believe that all the folks here were telling the truth about their lives post booze. I KNEW that I was just like them while I was ON booze, because I identified with everything they said. So I decided to trust that off booze, just like them, my life would improve. I hung onto that, and now I am sober, and learning to deal. It's not as impossible as it seemed. I FELT impossible, but feelings aren't facts.

zjw

threshold is right I had to blindly trust i was making the right choice. for a long whiel i really questioned the choice to sober up. eventually I realized i was on the right track that made it easier.

But yeah it was like being lead around with a blind fold on wondering is this gonna work? for a long time.

MadameX

This is exactly where im at to. Sobriety and my DWI case first. My daughters are going to high school soon. Theyre gonna need me strong and on track. The hell with all the financial issues. Bankruptcy and a fresh start is looking good right now.

zjw

Yep MadameX you have to weigh out the issues. I dont really like the approach i took on my debts heck I know people that did bankruptcy and are not exactly proud of the choice. But there a lot better off now and much happier they did it etc..

I know for me I have a tendancy to make a problem look like its the worst thing ever. And really in reality would it have been better for me to go out and just get drunk rather then dealing with my financial mess? Heck thats why the mess was there i drank it away for far too long. Nope its better that I did what i did. I'm free of it now and i'm free of the booze and a long list of other things as a result of my single choice to quit drinking! that choice alone led to so many other good choices.

zjw

wait till you hit that point in sobriety where you dont even know the new you! thats a fun one I'm still learning about myself and who i am. I thought I new myself. I'm as different as night and day compared to what i was when i was a drinker.

I can see old friends in public and I dont even have to worry about them saying hi to me tc.. no body even recognizes me anymore its kinda nice actually haha.

But its an on going adjustment.

sparky78

You can't trust how your feeling right now because you are very early in recovery. Early recovery is a rollercoaster and you are just as likely to wake tomorrow feeling completely different so what you have to do is just not drink right now. Finding a program of recovery is important to deal with the other stuff, but if you just stay sober for today and do the same the next day your emotions will level out, cravings diminish and get easier & things will fall in place.

Dee74

I didn't believe I could do it either. I really didn't.

But I knew I *had* to - I'd lost the choice - it was try another way, or die.

So I stuck with it - it was hard sure, but so was my drinking life.

Early recovery is rough - but it's not the way it will always be
Eventually I learned new skills and a new way to live. It got easier.

D

MIRecovery

I got to the death or sobriety fork in the road as well. Thank God I choose the right one. KZK get off the nightmare you have the strength

sunrise1

I hate to say it, but life is life. In my experience there was never a time when I said, "Well, everything in life is perfect... it's time to quit drinking!"... as a matter of fact, that would have prolonged my drinking career because all was going so well.

Mirage74

I can really relate to the OP's post. I was just sitting here thinking how long, dark, and depressing the early nights of sobriety are.

deeker

Day 13 That's awesome! It'll get better. just don't forget why you stopped in the first place. Nothing good waiting for you in that bottle but a lot of heartache and bad consequences. Glad u r here Kin!

2granddaughters

I'm blessed to be retired but I'm going to a morning AA meeting shortly and I'll be at the 7:00 pm meeting this evening.

I will have lots of folks to turn to and a program that gives me direction and strength.

If it wasn't for AA I wouldn't be retired today... I would have been dead in 1989.

I wish you the best. I know how you feel.

Bob R