MadameX

... i went to the liquor store yesterday. Sad the girl is like "hey hun long time" .... geez that should tell you i was a regular, and that , i use to switch up my stores so they wouldnt think i was an alcoholic pff. Well i have this liter of vodka sitting on my counter. I was always really a wine drinker but when i quit i threw out the bottle opener so right now thats all i can pour.

Funny while i was at the store this lady actually asked the clerk to open a wine bottle for her! And they did it! For all they know she went to car and drank and drove after that!crazy!

But back to this, i havent drank. Its here on my counter and I know all to well whats gonna happen if i take even just a sip. Sad its 5:45 am and im here contemplating. Anyway just needed to vent. I hope everyone is having a good day. I need to snap out of this pitty party.

Fandy

It's going to be a beautiful summer day in nj...make some coffee, get out of the house! (Beach)?
Lose the vodka.m..throw it out, give it to a neighbor, your relative, hell go put on the curb....you do Not want to lose this day and restart a cycle, feel craptastic for Monday.
Think about what you really want.

Dee74

I agree Madame X.
Lose the bottle - dump it.

Whatever you're feeling, the booze won't help.
Whatever the day brings, you don't need the booze.

You're a non - drinker now

D

GracieLou

I used to switch up liquor stores too then I got to the point that I did not care anymore what they thought. I bought my 1/2 gallon several times a week. Sometime I bought two at at time.

I used to wonder if they think about what happened to me. Did they feel the drop in sales...lol

The first drink got me drunk.

visch1

Hi. What your going through is a remember when for me which lasted for about 2 years and I never want to forget it, horrible period. My advice to anyone is "If we don't pick up the first drink we NEVER have to get sober AGAIN." With many of us the again gets harder and harder until it's just about hopeless. HANG ON AND BE WELL

Justfor1

I would not advise putting it outside on the curb. Kids under 21 could find it and drink it. Just dump it down the sink & go to a Starbucks.

aasharon90

That bottle sitting on the counter shows
no mercy to an alcoholic or someone with
an addiction to it. It sits there taunting,
provoking, challenging that person to drink
it.

It doesn't care who it destroys in it's path.
What does it have to lose. Nothing. Not a
dang thing.

It causes misery and pain while it laughs
right back at us saying, "come on, one
more sip and make a fool of urself."

The devil in disguise.

sunrise1

Seize a moment of conviction and dump it. You want to feel relief? You will feel it the moment the temptation is removed.

Elisabeth888

Play the tape through. What COULD happen if you drink that liquor?

NOW DUMP THAT $HIT OUT!!!!!

Johno1967

Don't throw out that bottle, use it but don't drink it:
The Bachelor Guy » 27 Unusual and Amazing Uses for Vodka (Other Than Making Martinis)

15 Alternative Uses For Vodka Other Than Getting Drunk | WildAmmo.com - Funny pictures and awesome galleries!

There is plenty more. Would you drink hospital grade disinfectant? I didn't think so. Vodka is essentially Ethanol/Water mix:

http://www.nafaa.org/ethanol.pdf

sunrise1

All due respect, I disagree with Johno1967. As an alcoholic, I know there are at least 28 things I can do with vodka, and I'm not going to do the first 27.

It's not a rational issue as to whether vodka is basically ethanol; all liquors are basically made up of the same thing that is essentially poison to our bodies. Plenty of people smoke (I don't have a dog in that fight! Just a comparison) knowing it's detrimental to their health, so just saying "gee, you wouldn't smoke, would you?" will likely not be a solution to the problem.

My experience only. YMMV.

Johno1967

No Problem, I see where you are coming from. I have a wine rack next to me that I used to drool over and in the kitchen pantry there is a shelf full of everything from Vodka to Baileys, Jim Beam to Johnny Walker. My garage fridge still has beer in it probably gone out of date by now. It may as well all be in the laundry with all the other chemicals, I recognize its poison to me, not fit for consumption. The fact is I can keep alcohol in the house and not use it. If I completely isolated myself from all temptation I would not learn how to overcome it. In the past I ritualistically poured booze down the toilet as I swore never to drink again only to find myself down the liquor store the next day forking out for another. Switching the association off is hard, I agree and maybe our friend is getting through the vodka now or has dumped it. But by deciding that something is poison or foul and tricking our mind into it we can build an aversion. For example think of spoiled rotting meat for a second, how does it make you feel? When I quit drinking I decided to stop eating any form of pork. Not for any religious reasons but because I decided if I can trick my mind into being disgusted by pork I can do the same for something I crave with every cell in my body (alcohol). So I view pork as rotting, dirty meat and have not touched it in 8 months. I view alcohol in a similar way to a bottle of toilet cleaner and it helps me lose the "beer goggles" and temptation. Outcome: Vodka is now good for cleaning tiles.
Each to their own.

MadameX

I opened it and the smell alone made me gag. But yet i still poured it in a glass and held it. Then stared at it for an hour before i realized what i was about to start. I poured it all down the drain and just threw the bottle out. I dont even want to see it. I almost threw all these months of hard work away.

I dont want to feel guilt and shame anymore. Ive been locked up at home all weekend depressed and alone. Thank god my kids come back home tonight. I need them. I miss them. I want to be a great mother again like i use to before i started drinking. I want to feel happiness in sobriety. I dont know if ill ever feel that again.

fini

way to go, MX.

about the happiness, and the wanting to be a good mom and lessening/riddance of shame and guilt: i'm thinking that being sober gives you the real possibility at all those.

drinking, nah, eliminates the possibilities.

glad to see you grab that sober chance!

Torso

Well, now you don't have to feel guilt just Awesome!

I would try look at it like you may of burnt 20$ or so...

But if you'd of drank it you'd of wasted your sobriety which i'd bet you'd value at a lot more than 20$?

Everyday sober to me is worth millions.

Nighthawk8820

I got a christmas present from the little liquor store down the road a few years back. That tells you how much a reg I was there. They even stocked up on my brand of choice in the 1.75 bottles, which they never did before I started rolling in and out daily.

Nighthawk8820

I think learning to be alone is the biggest obstacle for anyone in recovery. You can go to groups, meetings, etc..........but it really is a personal journey and one you must walk alone for the most part. The strength you get from it all though is second to none. I think its the fear of looking inside and being honest to the bone with ourselves, who we are, what we have or haven't done that scares most people back into drinking or drugs. Way to go on not falling back into old habits, it shows you are changing more than you know.

Tamerua

Good for you throwing it away and you are a good mother. You're not drinking, you care for them, you love them.

Sudz No More

Yes! Whoohoo! Glad you beat the impulse Madamx. You stayed on the right side of the tracks.

sparky78

So glad you didn't drink it! Vodka was my poison of choice, nasty stuff! Sounds like you should plan some fun things to do in the future when your kids aren't around.