How to stop?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 92
Welcome brncknbrncow,
I have been sober for 1 year and 16 days. I did it without meetings. Instead of typing it all over again I have copied and pasted my reply to someone who asked me the same question a couple of months ago. Here it is and best wishes!
I guess that I may be the exception to the rule. I do not attend nor have I ever attended meetings. I've done this on my own. Well not entirely. I developed my own support group. I involved my Parents and immediate Family. I also have a Neighbor 2 doors down who is 30+ years Sober. I haven't talked to him about it in a while but he is there if I need him. What I did to get sober ? I dumped my entire " supply " down the drain for starters and it wasn't easy. It's easy to sit there and keep it around " just in case it doesn't work out " or even " to dump it out would be a waste of money ". Trust me. Get it out of the House. I spent a lot of time talking to my Family about all of the mistakes that I've made as a result of my alcohol abuse. We talk about all of the money that I wasted, and the money that I now save. We have talked at length about how my drinking has affected them and it was depressing and it hurt. I have only been back to my watering hole twice since getting sober although it is a risk I wouldn't recommend. I stopped once to say hi and another time for my Fantasy League meeting. I was received with mixed responses. The ladies were kind and congratulated me on my new life. Most of the men didn't even aknowledge my presence. I was treated like Sobriety was a sickness and that I was contagious so they kept their distance. Sad in a way but a relief mostly as these were the same " friends " that I was worried about not ever seeing again. I will reiterate that putting yourself in a situation where you may easily be swayed back to the bottle is a uneccessary RISK and I seriously advise against it. I only included that part of the story because I didn't relapse and I figured that others could see what they AREN'T missing by not being in their old haunts. I won't lie. The first couple or 3 weeks were tough. I found out just how many things weren't fun anymore without a Beer Bottle in my hand. If I started to feel the urge to grab a Beer was getting too strong I just went to bed. I didn't want a Beer in my sleep. Slowly the urges started to wane and slowly I started to find things were becoming fun again without drinking. Slowly my urges to drink were starting to be replaced with a want to stay sober. It started to feel good not drinking. I found myself talking about it a lot with family and this was and is a constant reminder of how easily I could hurt those around me if I slipped back. My sobriety is no longer just about me. It is about others who are so proud of me and what I've accomplished and I'll be damned if I am letting them down. Nor can I ever let myself down. I know that I'll never be able to drink again. I'm wired differently. This isnt about temperance. Its about abstainance. One of my drinking buddies asked me when I realized that I had a drinking problem. I laughed and said " I don't have a problem drinking. I can drink with the best of them. " My problem isn't the " on " switch. It works fine but my "off " switch is broken. I just can't stop once I start. In summation I guess what I am saying is remove yourself from ALL temptation. Get others whom you love and or trust involved in the process. Find someone who has been through it that you can reach out to. I have my neighbor but maybe a support group would work best for you if you have tried it on your own and relapsed. If the urge to drink or use gets strong try and remind yourself of all of the bad that has come from your giving in to the Monster. I can guarantee that you will feel overwhelming guilt in the morning if you give in. Remember that feeling. I can't even begin to express what you go through when you wake up one day and realize that it is no longer a struggle. I was actually reduced to tears of joy. Once you reach that point you don't ever want to feel that remorse or guilt or shame that comes fom giving in ever again. I am not cured. There is no cure. I consider myself in a form of alcohol remission. I show no signs of the man that I was. I no longer miss my Bar or my drinking buddies. I have officially started moving on with my life and it is a lifetime of vigilance. My Monster hasn't disappeared. He's out in my driveway right now doing pushups and waiting for that day of weakness. You can do this. There is always someone on here 24 / 7 to chat with. Someone like you and me. I also did a lot of Internet searching. I know it sounds crazy but I searched for famous people who are recovering alcoholics. I don't know why but reading their stories gave me strength. I wish you all of the strength and direction that you need to get started on your journey.
I have been sober for 1 year and 16 days. I did it without meetings. Instead of typing it all over again I have copied and pasted my reply to someone who asked me the same question a couple of months ago. Here it is and best wishes!
I guess that I may be the exception to the rule. I do not attend nor have I ever attended meetings. I've done this on my own. Well not entirely. I developed my own support group. I involved my Parents and immediate Family. I also have a Neighbor 2 doors down who is 30+ years Sober. I haven't talked to him about it in a while but he is there if I need him. What I did to get sober ? I dumped my entire " supply " down the drain for starters and it wasn't easy. It's easy to sit there and keep it around " just in case it doesn't work out " or even " to dump it out would be a waste of money ". Trust me. Get it out of the House. I spent a lot of time talking to my Family about all of the mistakes that I've made as a result of my alcohol abuse. We talk about all of the money that I wasted, and the money that I now save. We have talked at length about how my drinking has affected them and it was depressing and it hurt. I have only been back to my watering hole twice since getting sober although it is a risk I wouldn't recommend. I stopped once to say hi and another time for my Fantasy League meeting. I was received with mixed responses. The ladies were kind and congratulated me on my new life. Most of the men didn't even aknowledge my presence. I was treated like Sobriety was a sickness and that I was contagious so they kept their distance. Sad in a way but a relief mostly as these were the same " friends " that I was worried about not ever seeing again. I will reiterate that putting yourself in a situation where you may easily be swayed back to the bottle is a uneccessary RISK and I seriously advise against it. I only included that part of the story because I didn't relapse and I figured that others could see what they AREN'T missing by not being in their old haunts. I won't lie. The first couple or 3 weeks were tough. I found out just how many things weren't fun anymore without a Beer Bottle in my hand. If I started to feel the urge to grab a Beer was getting too strong I just went to bed. I didn't want a Beer in my sleep. Slowly the urges started to wane and slowly I started to find things were becoming fun again without drinking. Slowly my urges to drink were starting to be replaced with a want to stay sober. It started to feel good not drinking. I found myself talking about it a lot with family and this was and is a constant reminder of how easily I could hurt those around me if I slipped back. My sobriety is no longer just about me. It is about others who are so proud of me and what I've accomplished and I'll be damned if I am letting them down. Nor can I ever let myself down. I know that I'll never be able to drink again. I'm wired differently. This isnt about temperance. Its about abstainance. One of my drinking buddies asked me when I realized that I had a drinking problem. I laughed and said " I don't have a problem drinking. I can drink with the best of them. " My problem isn't the " on " switch. It works fine but my "off " switch is broken. I just can't stop once I start. In summation I guess what I am saying is remove yourself from ALL temptation. Get others whom you love and or trust involved in the process. Find someone who has been through it that you can reach out to. I have my neighbor but maybe a support group would work best for you if you have tried it on your own and relapsed. If the urge to drink or use gets strong try and remind yourself of all of the bad that has come from your giving in to the Monster. I can guarantee that you will feel overwhelming guilt in the morning if you give in. Remember that feeling. I can't even begin to express what you go through when you wake up one day and realize that it is no longer a struggle. I was actually reduced to tears of joy. Once you reach that point you don't ever want to feel that remorse or guilt or shame that comes fom giving in ever again. I am not cured. There is no cure. I consider myself in a form of alcohol remission. I show no signs of the man that I was. I no longer miss my Bar or my drinking buddies. I have officially started moving on with my life and it is a lifetime of vigilance. My Monster hasn't disappeared. He's out in my driveway right now doing pushups and waiting for that day of weakness. You can do this. There is always someone on here 24 / 7 to chat with. Someone like you and me. I also did a lot of Internet searching. I know it sounds crazy but I searched for famous people who are recovering alcoholics. I don't know why but reading their stories gave me strength. I wish you all of the strength and direction that you need to get started on your journey.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by brnchknbrncow 
Of course the problem with that is that after a few drinks, it's harder to convince yourself to stick to something. And even if I wanted to quit cold turkey, I can't seem to find enough distraction to keep me away. It feels like every moment goes by so slow and is miserable and the world is going to come crashing to a halt if I can never have a drink again.
Imagine you're someone on your own with no one except a therapist to support you. How do you stop? What do you tell yourself when you feel like you can't stand to not drink for another moment? How on earth do you get from there to quitting forever?
I know you guys will find it frustrating, but suggestions about finding my own support elsewhere (AA, etc.) really aren't going to help me in this situation. Surely there's someone out there who's had to do this alone. Help?
Imagine you're someone on your own with no one except a therapist to support you. How do you stop? What do you tell yourself when you feel like you can't stand to not drink for another moment? How on earth do you get from there to quitting forever?
I know you guys will find it frustrating, but suggestions about finding my own support elsewhere (AA, etc.) really aren't going to help me in this situation. Surely there's someone out there who's had to do this alone. Help?
Whether people have F2F meetings, support groups etc...the feelings and challenges you describe above are essentially universal. It doesn't matter how connected we appear on the outside, recovery is an inside job. No one can make us not have to experience what you describe, the fear of never being able to drink again, etc.
We all have to do it alone, yet, by being part of the SR forums we are not completely alone.
Welcome to the family. I think that your questions are basically the heart and soul of SR forums, and your continued participation will answer them, how do each of us, as individual addicts, come to a point of choosing to stop, stopping, and then learning to live sober. That is what we are all doing every day, and what we share here.
I look forward to getting to know you better.
I didn't have meetings or a therapist etc etc when I finally got clean and sober. But I have SR to be part of where I get my daily reality check on both the drunk/wasted life, and the sober life.
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