Sex drive after sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: ma
Posts: 242
Originally Posted by jazzfish 
Initially, it was all down with sobriety, but it was already down due to drunkenness. After sobriety, it began to kick back in again. Two things were especially helpful: 1) I started yoga which has well-known positive impacts on sex drive and performance, and 2) cut out porn, which has been shown to hurt performance. It is now back to a very healthy and active level.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Somewhere USA
Posts: 238
Mine is high, but it's always been high. Which was really frustrating after 10 years of living with someone who wouldn't have sex with me any longer because she wasn't interested. --And still isn't--
Since I've moved out of that situation, my drive still remains strong. But now that I am sober, I'm going to wait a bit. I need to get a bit more of sobriety under my belt before I date again. I need to find out who I am sober.
But damn, tough. I'm practically a virgin again it's been so long.
Since I've moved out of that situation, my drive still remains strong. But now that I am sober, I'm going to wait a bit. I need to get a bit more of sobriety under my belt before I date again. I need to find out who I am sober.
But damn, tough. I'm practically a virgin again it's been so long.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
My drive has always been through the roof. HOWEVER, I know my husband prefers sex with sober me to sloppy drunk me. We have more sex when not drinking and I also like not having to ask "did we have sex last night?"
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 135
My sex drive doesn't change too much when sober vs being a drunk. Interestingly though my wife's sex drive INCREASES after MY sobriety 
. And then disappears after my many failures 
I wonder why that would be???
. And then disappears after my many failures 
I wonder why that would be???
New beginnings are the best!
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 124
I have little to no desire with my spouse, but that's because I'm not attracted. I was drunk or high the entire time we dated, and we got married because I became pregnant. It's 6 years later, I'm sobering up, and I want out of the marriage. But I know I still have a desire for sex. Everyone's different. Just sharing. I'm a female. ;-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 236
I think mine increased but also had a lot to do with exercising regularly to get that blood flowing and eating healthy. Unfortunately, no partner to take it out on so I'm learning self control in the process lol
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Question for 1 Bad Fox
First of all, allow me to say Congratulations on your decision to choose sobriety!
Good for you and (apparently, your wife, too
Did your wife ever feel that she was to blame for your lack of interest in sex before you became sober?
I chimed in on an earlier post and mentioned that when my ex boyfriend and I were breaking up, he lead me to believe that I just "didn't do it for him anymore..."
Upon reflection, it makes total sense to me now that he said this to me...
I mean, really....the excessive drinking couldn't have possibly had anything to do with the demise of our relationship..lol...
Ahh....isn't recovery the best?!?
Thanks, Steve (for allowing me to chime in on your post once again!)
Hopefully, I've been some help (smiles)
All the best,
Linda
Good for you and (apparently, your wife, too
Did your wife ever feel that she was to blame for your lack of interest in sex before you became sober?
I chimed in on an earlier post and mentioned that when my ex boyfriend and I were breaking up, he lead me to believe that I just "didn't do it for him anymore..."
Upon reflection, it makes total sense to me now that he said this to me...
I mean, really....the excessive drinking couldn't have possibly had anything to do with the demise of our relationship..lol...
Ahh....isn't recovery the best?!?
Thanks, Steve (for allowing me to chime in on your post once again!)
Hopefully, I've been some help (smiles)
All the best,
Linda
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1
If you have trouble with libido, there are some things you can due to rule out physiological reasons. If you have good health coverage, go to your GP and say, "I want a full blood work, including hormone panel". When asked why, you can tell the truth or simply tell them you would rather not share. I saw a doctor when I was feeling lethargic and depressed (which also meant no libido) a half dozen years ago and was diagnosed with low testosterone. Where you go from there is up to you and the doc. There could be dozens of other psychological and physiological factors affecting it (libido is still a bit of a mystery to science, check the literature), but low t or messed up thyroid function or high estrogen (in men) or high prolactin (in men) etc. are all ones you can rule out and or address if they are a problem.
haha, first post and its on the subject of libido... tells you where my minds at!
haha, first post and its on the subject of libido... tells you where my minds at!
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Orion90
I am asking this here instead of the Men's room hoping to get a balanced response from the ladies as well.
What differences in your sex drive, if any, did you notice in the days and weeks after quitting the bottle?
I am on my first week. (like 4 -5 days) I am either a raging bull or couldn't care less about sex. No middle ground.
Its like my test levels bottom out and than soar. Has anyone dealt with this? Now mind you, my detox wasn't so bad since I had quit over a week ago, then slipped up one night, then sobered up again (this time forever).
I welcome any and all comments.
What differences in your sex drive, if any, did you notice in the days and weeks after quitting the bottle?
I am on my first week. (like 4 -5 days) I am either a raging bull or couldn't care less about sex. No middle ground.
Its like my test levels bottom out and than soar. Has anyone dealt with this? Now mind you, my detox wasn't so bad since I had quit over a week ago, then slipped up one night, then sobered up again (this time forever).
I welcome any and all comments.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: California
Posts: 81
Another female here..I have had ZERO sex drive or desire since getting sober. Sex? Whats that? But at this point in sobriety (8 months) I still don't feel ready to get romantically, emotionally or sexually involved. Maybe my mindset is just not into it right now. But, as a woman almost 40, I think I may also be going thru perimenopause..which also adds to zero libido. I hope it comes back, but honestly, I haven't really missed it. Just working on me right now before I add sexual entanglements back into the mix.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
Originally Posted by Murchovski
I
Silly me! As a kid masturbation was said to cause it too.
Silly me! As a kid masturbation was said to cause it too.
Good health, good diet, exercise and positive sober attitude are going to work wonders for a healthy sex life. Then I'm middle age and married with two kids so good health, good diet, exercise and positive attitude will have to do!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1
I’m 25(f) married to a 28(m) year old. Going on a couple weeks sober. I’m like OBSESSED with sex all the time now. Him, not so much. He does it because I want to but he’s doesn’t ever start it.
Originally Posted by steve-in-kville
I am asking this here instead of the Men's room hoping to get a balanced response from the ladies as well.
What differences in your sex drive, if any, did you notice in the days and weeks after quitting the bottle?
I am on my first week. (like 4 -5 days) I am either a raging bull or couldn't care less about sex. No middle ground.
Its like my test levels bottom out and than soar. Has anyone dealt with this? Now mind you, my detox wasn't so bad since I had quit over a week ago, then slipped up one night, then sobered up again (this time forever).
I welcome any and all comments.
What differences in your sex drive, if any, did you notice in the days and weeks after quitting the bottle?
I am on my first week. (like 4 -5 days) I am either a raging bull or couldn't care less about sex. No middle ground.
Its like my test levels bottom out and than soar. Has anyone dealt with this? Now mind you, my detox wasn't so bad since I had quit over a week ago, then slipped up one night, then sobered up again (this time forever).
I welcome any and all comments.
I am not these thoughts - I am the Master of these thoughts.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 134
Another woman weighs in...
During my three years of sobriety, the only time I can remember it being virtually non-existent was during those first couple of months. I distinctly remember a soaring high in libido my second year that lasted almost the whole year through.
Recently I had a three month relapse and it was only during drinking that I had NO drive whatsoever. Returned to sobriety and in week two and I thought about sex at least 50 times today. Just contributing to this post and thinking about it rev's my engines.
I am 31 btw. I think it is going to vary for every person.
During my three years of sobriety, the only time I can remember it being virtually non-existent was during those first couple of months. I distinctly remember a soaring high in libido my second year that lasted almost the whole year through.
Recently I had a three month relapse and it was only during drinking that I had NO drive whatsoever. Returned to sobriety and in week two and I thought about sex at least 50 times today. Just contributing to this post and thinking about it rev's my engines.
I am 31 btw. I think it is going to vary for every person.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I know this is an old thread...but REALLY? Men turning 30 and LOSING their sex drive?
Back in MY day...
But seriously, REALLY? I didn't even really get started until my mid-30s.
Mid-50s and since I got sober six months ago and started diet and exercise, I've been like a 16 year old athlete.
Now I just need to find a man...
;-)
Back in MY day...
But seriously, REALLY? I didn't even really get started until my mid-30s.
Mid-50s and since I got sober six months ago and started diet and exercise, I've been like a 16 year old athlete.
Now I just need to find a man...
;-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
I am a 54 year old man and today I am exactly 13 months sober.
During the last decade or so of my drinking my sex drive was pretty much gone. In my mind I wanted to do it but my equipment wasn't into it!!
Since getting sober my equipment has woken up and I am like a 18 year old again!!
During the last decade or so of my drinking my sex drive was pretty much gone. In my mind I wanted to do it but my equipment wasn't into it!!
Since getting sober my equipment has woken up and I am like a 18 year old again!!
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