Justfor1

I'm going to be taking a break from SR. I am currently drunk & plan on drinking every day until I end up in the hospital. The truth is I don't have the 100% desire to stay sober. My emotional pain is too great & I should not have to live with that pain. For all the consequences alcohol causes it still numbs my pain & I think it's worth it. I use to have values & care about people. Today I have none. I do not care about others pain. I am truely a lost soul.

Sudz No More

Just, at least you are being about your desire to stay sober. I think most of us knew you were not 100% but you still kept coming here. You should recognize that fact, if you were truly lost you would have stopped coming a long time ago.

Good Luck out there and may you find the strength I know is inside you before it is too late.

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel this way Just.

You're right - noone should have to deal with pain - but drinking is at best a stop gap...at worst it actually makes the pain worse.

and the trouble with drinking until you end up in the hospital is that often people don't make it to the hospital.

I hope you reconsider - there has to be safer ways to achieve your objectives.

D

Michelangelo

Have you tried to see a doctor/therapist about that emotional pain? There are better ways to treat it.

Grungehead

Just...please be careful out there. I know we have shown you some "tough love" in here but I think it's because we don't want to see you to go down that dark road again.

Hevyn

Justfor1 - As Dee said, getting numb only makes the pain worse. Everything gets harder. Staying in that coma like state is dangerous and destructive. Please change your mind. We all care about you. I remember a post where you admitted drinking had cost you your self respect. I don't believe you want to be defeated. You were getting somewhere by talking things out here - I hope you won't stop trying to make a better life for yourself.

Johno1967

Or dead, or in prison or in a psych ward? I used to get on FB when drunk and post things I wished I never had. I think I cancelled my FB account with a similar dramatic farewell statement. In the cold light of day you will see this and hopefully see the reality of your statement. You probably have far more in you to get through this than you know, a little bit of help from others won't hurt. Booze will. Take care.

artsoul

I imagine we've all had similar thoughts in the midst of our drinking, but that doesn't make them true. Mostly, they're just a part of our addiction, a way of justifying another drink. These are all things you don't have to believe if you don't want to. You can choose to challenge this kind of thinking, you can choose hope, choose to get the help you need, choose to see worth in yourself. I really hope you do.

Torso

JUST - I have to say you pee me off a little.

You post here, alot, asking for advice...
Actually you want to be sectioned and want to be helped out hand in hand.

1. Thats never gonna happen if your coherent which seems you are.
2. Your an addict. Deal with that, not running at every opportunity of other people hurting you. That just keeps you running.

venuscat

You'r not lost yet Justfor1. You're here; a big part of you does care very much.

And we care about you. Not giving up on you. Sending love and prayers your way.

Venus xx

suki44883

So, there! I guess you told us!

You're going to do whatever you want to do. We cannot do anything about that. Regardless of your lack of concern about others, I only hope you don't decide to get into a car a drive. No innocent person deserves to be harmed or killed just because you decide to drink yourself stupid.

caboblanco

Have you hit rock bottom yet? or is that another myth? I don't know. This cyber masturbation isn't going to get you where you ought to be. You can get better and you can have a great life.

1newcreation

I'm w/ Torso on this 1...I don't know u're pain or what u're experiencing so I'll speak for myself. I've lost my dignity, respect from family,job,car,house is behind on pymts, Gas is cut off & the list goes on. But this has been the most PAINFUL yr of my life ever & what amazes my sponsor & I is how I've not poured a drink over it. There's nthg out there for u & I. That's the disease lying to you. I hope u don't go out but if u choose to, u're not going to enjoy it coz u know the TRUTH of recovery!
We'll all be here waiting w/ open arms when u get back

FeenixxRising

I hope you change your mind justfor1. I understand the desire to just give up, but it's not the answer. If I remember correctly, you had one year sober. That can't be taken away from you. Maybe after a day or two you will reconsider. In the meantime, don't drive or put yourself in any situation where you might hurt yourself or someone else. When you're ready to get sober agian we will be here.

Elisabeth888

Maybe you have are not ready to stop drinking and have not hit your bottom yet. I pray that it will not be a hard bottom. I like that Eminem song that says something like "I hit my bottom so hard I bounced twice". Well, I hope you don't do that.

Keep us updated and let us know you are okay at least.

Sally3127

I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you reconsider and get the professional help you need.

LosingmyMisery

What happened to treating your mental health issues and getting into the Psych Ward? Did you ever really have any intentions of doing that or do you post for reactions only? Before that it was rehab, but only the "posh" rehab centers, no more Salvation Army business. I say, beggars can't be choosers. Well, good luck with your plan. If you want to drink, drink you will. I hope your plan goes how you imagined, but I have to wonder, how do you plan on getting to the hospital? Hopefully, you'll be cognizant enough to pick up the phone and call 911 before you die of alcohol poisoning. Maybe call a cab or take public transit. Certainly you wouldn't drive after losing your license and be so angry about not having the privilege to drive anymore. You certainly wouldn't risk driving and maiming someone or worse, killing them. Perhaps it worked for you in the past, this time...it may not. I don't know anymore. This all seems like such a waste. We can't help you if you aren't willing to help yourself.

ElegantlyWasted

I guess we all have to hit some kind of bottom. Just realized that some are lower than other; if that even matters. I think you can actually pick your bottom to the extent that you figure out a way to really really want it. Whether that surrender, a dui or what your doing now I don't know. I hope you get to a better place and get some kind of meaning and joy out of life. Wishing you peace.

Elisabeth888

Yes, another brush with the law and having them up your you-know-what would not be a pleasant bottom.

You can stop digging at any time, surrender and go to AA, get a sponsor and REALLY work the program. It is working for me.

Dee74

Elizabeth makes a great point.

All that trouble you've had with overcoming past legal troubles, and doctor troubles - drinking isn't likely to make those better...it could make things far far worse.

you've been getting somewhere - changing - over the last 12 months.

I wonder whether that doesn't make you feel a little uncomfortable Just?

I know I drank hard for 15 years and I found getting better was very uncomfortable for quite a long time - the temptation to relapse and lead the old familiar no responsibility life again was pretty strong some days....but I'm glad I leant on the support I had here.

I might not be here otherwise.

D