Justfor1

Not necessarily. It's mostly to point out that I am a criminal when I drink. Perhaps jail/prison is where I belong? I know I fit in there better than I fit in normal society. I seek compassion & understanding yet get stern lectures on the dangers of drinking. I am not afraid of the consequences of drinking. I'm becoming increasingly afraid of my state of mind.
I'm also starting to hear voices when I drink. On one hand, I know there not real but they are scaring me.

Justfor1

[QUOTE=Dee74;3984011]Elizabeth makes a great point.

All that trouble you've had with overcoming past legal troubles, and doctor troubles - drinking isn't likely to make those better...it could make things far far worse.

you've been getting somewhere - changing - over the last 12 months.

I wonder whether that doesn't make you feel a little uncomfortable Just?

Thanks dee. I was getting better in that 1 year of sobriety. But the last few days I have really lost it mentally.

caboblanco

If you are hearing voices or you are thinking of hurting yourself please check yourself in the psych ward. You make me nervous. I don't know if you really are driving around drunk all the time or you are just saying that. I don't want you to read something you don't like on here and have it put you in a dangerous mental state. I had a friend. an alcoholic and really down on his luck. His took his own life. He couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Please get help if you feel this way.

Elisabeth888

Well, you have been to jail, and if you still feel like you belong there......

I personally KNOW I do not belong there. From experience.

RobbyRobot

Sorry to hear of this news, Just.



Well, you already know drinking doesn't work, and won't work. You're done. What will happen, is everything will get worse, of course, and you know this too. You won't be able to stay drunk. If you could have done that already, you never would have quit for a year last time.

I'm indifferent to your drinking. There is nothing I can say to someone with your street experiences that will make any difference. Your a great example of why drinking blows, that is awesomely clear, and in that I'm sure we're all in agreement. You too, Just. You know drinking sucks.

Anyways.

You can turn this around. Your life can be lived, even with its challenges and troubles, you too can be happy, and loving, both giving and receiving love to and from others.

You can quit today. You've quit before, you can quit again. Even though things are screwed for you while you drink, I still believe in YOU, Just.

Take care. Quit drinking and start living, Just.

SNST

You know Ive been following this post but wasnt gonna comment. Ive changed my mind now that you say you drove will being that f****d up! Just a quick story for you. My children just lost their father ( my ex husband of 25 years ) this past Wed. He hadnt drank in over 15 years, but he made the choice to drink again on that day, got in his car, hit a tree head on! Is this what you want? Because of the choice he made to drink on that day has caused a tremendous amount of heart break! Think about it, do you REALLY want this? I agree with what others have said, PLEASE get some help, its out there, do it today before you end up dead! If you wont get help maybe jail would be best, sorry but its true because not only could you die you could kill an innocent person, could you live with yourself if you were to kill a child because of your stupid decision to drink & drive? You really to to put that bottle down my friend, this will end up very ugly if you dont

ShawnM

"One thing about alcohol, it works. It may destroy a man's career, ruin his marriage,turn him into a zombie unconscious in the hallway-but it works. On short-term it works much faster than a psychiatrist or a priest or the love of a husband or a wife. Those things... they all take time. They must be developed...But alcohol is always ready to go to work at once. Then minutes half an hour little formless fears are gone or turned into harmless amusement. But they come back. Oh yes, and they bring reinforcements" From Carlotta Mcbride, a fictional study of an alcoholic By Charles Gorman

There will always be a price to pay in the long run. There still is a sober self inside you crying out for help, which is probably why you poster here. I hope you find the strength to get sober. Be well.

ShawnM
Sober date 12-21-08

AdanteFornax

Thank you for sharing Just.

I am grateful for your view into just how bad it will be for me if I go back to drinking and how quickly too.

Justfor1

I specifically ask for compassion & understanding yet get judgements & warnings. That has not worked in my 10 years of trying to get sober. I'm thinking of trying church because I suspect they will less judgemental than others in "recovery". I'm mentally unstable right now & the judgements continue. Does it make you people feel better about yourselves? I've noticed it's like a "mob mentality" when one person jumps on me others join in. Sometimes I think some SR members are actually sicker than I am.

deeker

No one is judging you, so get off the pity pot. Either you want help here or you don't . You just want people to cosign your bull sh***. Come back when you are ready. You have gotten a ton of suggestions and compassion. Just1 your not done yet. Plain and simple/

Threshold

Just,

I've been reading all your posts recently and this is what I hear, beneath all the words " I want to be taken care of."

I remember not only feeling the way you describe (with your actual words) but also acting out the way you are and the way you suggest you might...psych ward, hospital, jail, or suicide...all options to check out of the scary harsh world that we feel unequipped to deal with on our own.

I remember feeling judged when people laid the facts out before me, because I didn't want facts, I wanted to be saved, taken care of, cherished and comforted.

In the end I found out I had to be willing to do that for myself. Really do it, not mask the pain and terror with booze, drugs or other means of acting out. I had to learn to self care, rather than self indulge in the name of victimhood.

I DID deserve better. The first person who needed to treat me better was me.

It's been a bumpy, long, twisting road but I am learning that I can be my own best friend, and I am able to meet life on it's own terms more than I thought I was capable of, and to be HONEST about both my strengths and limitations.

For better or worse, you are part of our family here. We do give a darn, we all show it in our own way.

There is only one person here at SR that can save you...YOU.

TheEnd

You did all that work to get your license back and your driving around drunk. Just remember your consequences will be your consequences. It's hard to feel sorry for someone who behaves the way you do after all you have been through.

Michael66

Justfor1

Do you remember what you did last time, to kick start your year's sobriety? Could you do the same again?

Church sounds like a good idea too. One very positive book you might like to read is the Ragamuffin Gospel - written by a priest who is a recovered alcoholic: Amazon.com: The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (9781590525029): Brennan Manning: Books

Justfor1

My last DUI more than 10 years ago is still effecting me today. I feel that is who I am so I mine as well be what society labels me. I'm a "drunk driver" and will always be one in some people minds. That is never going to change. I thank God that the car was not damaged in any way though.

babycat

What the hell do you want just? For all of us to say "no, it is totally fine for you to drive in a blacked out state!!!" It is not judgment, it is truth. You easily could have killed someone.
I am beyond sick of your ******** on here. You are not the only one here with demons, mental disorders and addiction. I got them too and yeah, I relapsed recently. But I am not making my life one long ass pity party for people on the internet who have tried soooo many freaking times to help.
GROW UP!

LosingmyMisery

This same scenario has become tedious Go get help. All suggestions, support and logic have been ignored, then rationalized through the eyes of alcoholic thinking. Judgemental? You will never find a group more understanding than those who have lived through it. Sober up and go to church and see what happens, but do something.

Should I be responding to this or are you having a private chuckle? This has been going on for so long, I'm uncertain. As far as mob mentality, what you are witnessing is the definition of insanity. When all efforts are mocked and ignored, people aren't going to respond well, but you must already know that. If you are that ill, check yourself into the hospital. Save yourself, if you are willing.

Justfor1

It is day 2 of my binge. I will be walking to the liquor store. I predict it will take between 5-7 days until I need to go to the hospital. My finances allow me to drink a pint of cheap vodka & up to a 12 pack of beer per day. God I hate myself & this awful life but I feel as if it's my destiny. I have to complete this drunken binge. I will probably be kicked out of my families home also.

Tamerua

Just, I am sorry you are in so much pain. The thing about it is, no one can care for you more than you can care for yourself. I see that you are reaching out in your own way, but what do you want us to do? I am not sure what anyone here can do.

The Buddha said: No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. This is so true with recovery. The good thing is that you control that, not someone else.

Please take care if yourself. Call your sponsor, go get that white chip and stay in a seat.

LosingmyMisery

Change your "destiny."

Justfor1

[QUOTE=Tamerua;3984701]Just, I am sorry you are in so much pain. The thing about it is, no one can care for you more than you can care for yourself. I see that you are reaching out in your own way, but what do you want us to do? I am not sure what anyone here can do.

Thank you for the post. What I want is for certain posters to apologize to me for making me feel worse than I already do. The same posters are bothered by my attitude yet still manage to post in my threads over & over. It's like enjoy kicking a person when they are clearly down & out. I realize that some of us here may be sober but are still very sick mentally.