Justfor1

What exactly is wrong with blaming other for picking up a drink? I know that, in the end, the responsibility falls back on me. However, when I relapsed & told the bartender that I hadn't had a drink in nearly a year she still served me a cold beer. Doesn't she bare some responsibility on serving responsibly? After a few hours of guzzling booze at the bar & stumbling around getting obnoxious I'm sure she regretted her decision. Why must the alcoholic take 100% of the blame always? I take 75% of the blame but the bartender should get 15% of the blame & perhaps the advertisements get 5%.

ElegantlyWasted

What's wrong with it is it gives you an excuse. Not trying to bash... Try looking at it from the bartender's and even the ad guys/marketer's perspective.. They're just doing their jobs. I've just come to the personal view that there are some people who should just not drink at all and I am one of them. Its my responsibility to know that, not some random bartender's.

soberlicious

You are an adult.

and ps even if she did bear some responsibility, what in the hell does it matter?

This line of thinking (trying to figure out who's at fault) has no point. No one else can keep you sober. No one but you. Spend less time pondering moot points and more time formulating a plan to quit for good.

tomsteve

i need popcorn!!

ok, give her the blame then. now what?

suki44883

My thoughts: Unless the bartender physically dragged you to the bar and physically strapped you down and poured the alcohol down your throat, she has no blame in the fact that you drank.

As EW stated, she is just doing her job. If you don't want to drink, don't go to bars, don't buy any alcohol. Don't pick up a drink. Change your attitude and your habits if necessary, but the responsibility lies squarely on your shoulders and nowhere else.

DarkDays

Look, Its addiction through and through. Cravings have to be dealt with, its the only way to stay sober.

You can do it.

Justfor1

I'm trying to understand why I shouldn't blame others. But the bartender knew me for many years & thought it would be funny to serve me. I always thought they had to take a course on "Serving Responsibly". Would of any of you who have read my horrible struggles served me? She knew my reputation yet still did it. I've been sober now for several weeks & am still a bit foggy over what happened. I had nearly 1 year of sobriety & amazed that I found myself drunk yet again.

suki44883

Go ahead and blame others, but it solves nothing and serves no purpose. You are still the one who suffers in the end. You and only you can ultimately protect your sobriety. Either you want it badly enough or you don't. You did it for a year, so you know you CAN do it. Do you truly want to?

Justfor1

[QUOTE=suki44883;3981841 Either you want it badly enough or you don't. You did it for a year, so you know you CAN do it. Do you truly want to?[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure if I do. It took a lot of hard work to get almost a year of sobriety & I did not see a lot of rewards. My depression/anxiety lingered & my finances stayed the same. Right now I am caught between getting "back on the wagon" & going on a complete bender. FYI, I heard through a friend that the bartender did get in trouble for serving me from the owner who knows of my history.

Michael66

It's our choice whether we drink or not, whether we go to bars or not, who we socialise with, etc. Whether we drink or not is 100% our choice. Embracing that responsibility is essential to establishing and maintaining sobriety.

Just my $0.02

tomsteve

"I'm trying to understand why I shouldn't blame others."

has it been workin for ya? just went back thorugh quite a bit of yer threads and doesnt read like it has. but its not gonna matter. until we all agree you should blame others and rationalize why ya should, yer not gonna be happy.

until i stopped blaming others and took accountability and responsibility for me, i had no chance at having peace.

Carlotta

What where you doing in a bar in the first place? Part of being sober is learning to grow up and take personal responsibility for our actions. You know what they say: "Poor me, Poor me, Pour me a drink" or "Do you want some cheese with your whine?"
The bartender was doing her job which is selling drinks. What are you gonna do? Sue her? They'll have a field trip laughing you out of court.

Tamerua

Justfor1, these threads kill me. Are these to stir things up?

lovejava

Serving responsibly does not equal making sure recovering alcoholics stay on the wagon. No one should be expected to care more about your sobriety than you do, or even as much as you do. No way the bartender is even 0.0000001% responsible for your lack of recovery. I am having a hard time believing that you're not kidding here.

tsukiko

What so bars should be illegal because they provide a small minority with the excuse to carry on addictions?

My bloke once blamed me for him going and scoring because I left his shoes by the door and he said if I had left them upstairs he wouldn't have been bothered to go and get them. Another time he said I'd purposefully teased him with tinfoil when I was lining an oven tray.

My point is, if you're an addict looking for an excuse, you'll find it anywhere. Stopping everything an addict can use as an excuse or reason to drink / use would crash the economy and switch the power off on the developed world. We'd all be naked and tied to chairs...and that sort of treatment would still only serve as a traumatic experience worthy of a relapse lol

Anyway, even if someone gives you an excuse...you're the one to blame for taking them up on it.

Fandy

:horse

We've heard all of this before from JF1.

caboblanco

I had some guy blame me for drinking too much a couple times when I brought beer over years ago. He seemed to be happy to have the beer at the time, in fact he told me what brand to buy. i never felt any guilt for him. He was drinking way before I came along to his life and never told me he had a problem even if he did it wouldn't be my fault.

wheresthefun

Here's the deal, Justfor1. Until you properly address your mental health issues, with medication, therapy and a BOATLOAD of hard work on your part, you will remain incapable of understanding why you shouldn't blame others for YOUR relapses. Because, Justfor1, to understand why you shouldn't blame others for YOUR relapses requires logical thinking and common sense, things in your present state, you are very much lacking. Hence, why you feel the vast majority of your threads end up with what you perceive to be a lack of compassion towards your plight(s).

I DO have compassion for you Justfor1, and I sincerely hope you get the help you need, as well as you do the work you need to do, in order to attain a happy and contented life.

babycat

The bartender certainly did not help the situation, but it was still you who chose to go to that bar and drink alcohol. As others have said, what are you going to gain by placing blame on others? It still happened, it no longer matters except to give you a pass to drink in the future.

Justfor1

Thank you for acknowledging that. I think my point of the thread was to show how the bartender would think it was funny to get me drunk. Like I was some sort of joke or something. It's a good example of how alcoholics, in general, are treated in todays society.