Blaming Others For Relapse......
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by Fandy 
:horse
We've heard all of this before from JF1.
We've heard all of this before from JF1.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
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Originally Posted by Justfor1
What exactly is wrong with blaming other for picking up a drink? I know that, in the end, the responsibility falls back on me. However, when I relapsed & told the bartender that I hadn't had a drink in nearly a year she still served me a cold beer. Doesn't she bare some responsibility on serving responsibly? After a few hours of guzzling booze at the bar & stumbling around getting obnoxious I'm sure she regretted her decision. Why must the alcoholic take 100% of the blame always? I take 75% of the blame but the bartender should get 15% of the blame & perhaps the advertisements get 5%.
You put ur little butt in that barstool and no one tied you down and poured alcohol down your throat. What are u 5 years old? Grow up. Take responsibility for yourself.
You told him you hadn't had a drink in 1 year, he probably thought you were thirsty. You should have said I want a coke, please do not offer me anything else. You should have gotten up and walked out if your sobriety was a real priority. Looks Like you are playing games again JUST for1.
It's quite pathetic.
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Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
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Originally Posted by Justfor1
I'm trying to understand why I shouldn't blame others. But the bartender knew me for many years & thought it would be funny to serve me. I always thought they had to take a course on "Serving Responsibly". Would of any of you who have read my horrible struggles served me? She knew my reputation yet still did it. I've been sober now for several weeks & am still a bit foggy over what happened. I had nearly 1 year of sobriety & amazed that I found myself drunk yet again.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Sure, it would have been nice if the bartender hadn't served you. But we don't live in a perfect world and people will--whether intentionally or unintentionally--not always do what's best for us.
That's why it's up to us to make sure we're doing what's best for ourselves.
I guess my question to you, is how does it help your sobriety by blaming other people? Just a good natured question that I had to answer for myself, too. Blaming others made me feel justified in getting drunk, but it sure didn't help me stay sober.
I truly wish the best for you and hope you can find some peace with the demons you're struggling with. You will be a great inspiration to others when you've come out the other side.
That's why it's up to us to make sure we're doing what's best for ourselves.
I guess my question to you, is how does it help your sobriety by blaming other people? Just a good natured question that I had to answer for myself, too. Blaming others made me feel justified in getting drunk, but it sure didn't help me stay sober.
I truly wish the best for you and hope you can find some peace with the demons you're struggling with. You will be a great inspiration to others when you've come out the other side.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
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It is not other people's responsibility for what happens to us when we drink and we can't expect them to understand. In a perfect world everyone would instinctively get it, but it's not.
And what if the bartender wouldn't serve you and you really wanted that drink? I bet you'd be singing a different tune then.
And what if the bartender wouldn't serve you and you really wanted that drink? I bet you'd be singing a different tune then.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
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i would not blame the bartender. so who else would you blame?
the owner of the bar? the person who delivered the alcohol to the bar?
the insurance company covering the bar?
are you wanting to Sue that bartender for money?
Look Bro you relapsed, No Big Deal, most of us did it,, just get back on that horse and start over. but that bartender is not your her fault, you need to accept responsibility for your own action. you were weak then, now get strong!
the owner of the bar? the person who delivered the alcohol to the bar?
the insurance company covering the bar?
are you wanting to Sue that bartender for money?
Look Bro you relapsed, No Big Deal, most of us did it,, just get back on that horse and start over. but that bartender is not your her fault, you need to accept responsibility for your own action. you were weak then, now get strong!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
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Just, some people are just mean. When I stopped I had " friends" that constantly kept offering me drinks. And I didn't like it one bit. If they had any real understanding of what alcoholism was and how difficult it is for the newly sober, and actually cared about my welfare, they would have known better.
So perhaps this person thought it would be fun to get a recovering alky drunk. Some people kick puppies too. Best stay away from the aholes when you can
So perhaps this person thought it would be fun to get a recovering alky drunk. Some people kick puppies too. Best stay away from the aholes when you can
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
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Just for the sake of argument, lets say that the bartender was indeed trying to tempt you ....trying to get you to fall off the wagon....making fun of you, etc.... Even if that were true, it is irrelevant to the central issue, which is that you went into the bar in the first place. Blaming the bartender makes about as much sense as blaming a certain national fast food chain for clogging a person's arteries or making them overweight. I find that the more I'm accountable for my own sobriety , the more solid my sobriety becomes.
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
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Originally Posted by Justfor1
I heard through a friend that the bartender did get in trouble for serving me from the owner who knows of my history.
I do appreciate your Threads, and reading your views though. Rarely do I agree with your points, but they do represent views people have so they warrant a voice.
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Originally Posted by Michael66
What were you doing in a bar Justfor1?
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Originally Posted by Justfor1
I was playing video poker & slot machines that recently became legal. I had lost money & was angry. I figured drinking at the bar would be cheaper than playing the slots.
If not , I highly question ur character or your maturity level.I would think after being sober for a year that you would have learned something in the program. Or is that a lie too? R u even sober today?
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
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Originally Posted by Justfor1
Thank you for acknowledging that. I think my point of the thread was to show how the bartender would think it was funny to get me drunk. Like I was some sort of joke or something. It's a good example of how alcoholics, in general, are treated in todays society.
A guy is cutting rock from a cliff and has a big sign up that warns you of the rock and not to enter. You are fully aware that there is falling rock but you still go in. The guy sees you but knowing you are aware of the danger he keeps cutting and a piece falls and hits you in the head. I fail to see how this is partly his fault, he is just trying to do his job and you ignored the warning and got in the way.
Stay out of bars and bottles will stop pouring themselves down your throat.
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Originally Posted by Justfor1
I was playing video poker & slot machines that recently became legal. I had lost money & was angry. I figured drinking at the bar would be cheaper than playing the slots.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
doesnt seem wise or rsponsible for a person complaining about not having a job and being broke to be dumpin money in a slot machine,does it?
Notice carefully that everyone here understands a slip but what you are doing now is living in complete denial. If you were really working on your recovery,
you wouldn't have been in that bar in the 1st place. So until you recognize your part which was 100 percent in this situation, you may never get better.
Honesty is the first step we take in getting well. What does your sponsor say?
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