Why are we told we must be ashamed of drinking alone?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 58
I will agree that inherently it isn't immoral. It is problematic in it's isolation and in it's effects on loved ones. That's where the shame comes into play. I was an alone drinker. I would turn down going to the bar with friends to go home and drink. Even a bar in walking distance of where I live.
It wasn't always that way. I used to have a regular bar and love going out and getting hammered but after a few attempts at quitting and failing - many times publicly to an extent - I became embarrassed that I couldn't seem to control it. I didn't want other people to see that I had a problem. Even if they had the same problem. I'm a smart person. I'm the person people come to for advice a lot of times. I'm the person that made it through college in 3 years with a 4.0 and honors. And I wasn't ready to admit that I wasn't perfect. I may give good advice but I wasn't and still am not that diligent college student. I had become a person who was drowning in booze and avoiding visiting my grandfather in the hospital and being scared that I might get the call that he was about to pass and I would be drunk and unwilling to take the call, let alone be able to make the 45 minute drive back home to be with him.
The fall from grace was the most shameful part.
I also have to agree with some other members that you are hurting the people that love you. They notice. When you don't pick up the phone when they call because you're afraid of slurring your words. When you show up and look puffy and sweaty.
They worry. They might mention little things here and there about alcohol. They might be concerned about weight gain and puffiness. Generally, we don't hide things from others nearly as well as we hide things from ourselves.
So, it was really shameful and I'm still ashamed of it, honestly. I'm proud that I'm making steps in the right direction but I'm still ashamed of that time period.
Anyway, best wishes!
It wasn't always that way. I used to have a regular bar and love going out and getting hammered but after a few attempts at quitting and failing - many times publicly to an extent - I became embarrassed that I couldn't seem to control it. I didn't want other people to see that I had a problem. Even if they had the same problem. I'm a smart person. I'm the person people come to for advice a lot of times. I'm the person that made it through college in 3 years with a 4.0 and honors. And I wasn't ready to admit that I wasn't perfect. I may give good advice but I wasn't and still am not that diligent college student. I had become a person who was drowning in booze and avoiding visiting my grandfather in the hospital and being scared that I might get the call that he was about to pass and I would be drunk and unwilling to take the call, let alone be able to make the 45 minute drive back home to be with him.
The fall from grace was the most shameful part.
I also have to agree with some other members that you are hurting the people that love you. They notice. When you don't pick up the phone when they call because you're afraid of slurring your words. When you show up and look puffy and sweaty.
They worry. They might mention little things here and there about alcohol. They might be concerned about weight gain and puffiness. Generally, we don't hide things from others nearly as well as we hide things from ourselves.
So, it was really shameful and I'm still ashamed of it, honestly. I'm proud that I'm making steps in the right direction but I'm still ashamed of that time period.
Anyway, best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Tamerua 
I'm going to take a stab here... I preferred to drink alone. When you drink alone, there is no buffer, no filter.
I did not have to feel guilty as though I was being watched. Nobody was counting how many drinks I had. I could stumble around in peace. On the weekends It could flow all day long from 6 am until I passed out.
I did not feel ashamed to drink alone. I think the drinking alone theory is the fact that you are hiding that you are drinking or how much you are drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by GracieLou
This was me. I could drink the way I had always wanted to.
I did not have to feel guilty as though I was being watched. Nobody was counting how many drinks I had. I could stumble around in peace. On the weekends It could flow all day long from 6 am until I passed out.
I did not feel ashamed to drink alone. I think the drinking alone theory is the fact that you are hiding that you are drinking or how much you are drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
you know...let me add something.
you say you felt deeply ashamed. then you say you don't think there's anything innately immoral.
well, here's more of mine: i felt deeply ashamed, too.
and it makes no difference to me if a million people say i shouldn't. shame, to me, is about something at the core, something about being wrong. not doing wrong - that would result in feeling guilt. and guilt and shame aren't the same thing.
i'm not a christian , but my pervading sense that was meshed in with shame was of something i can only describe as "a sin against life". something deep-down wrong.
and i don't like the idea of sin in regards to the condition/disorder of alcoholism, but the fact is that is how i/it FELT.
just adding it cause it's more truthful for me.
you say you felt deeply ashamed. then you say you don't think there's anything innately immoral.
well, here's more of mine: i felt deeply ashamed, too.
and it makes no difference to me if a million people say i shouldn't. shame, to me, is about something at the core, something about being wrong. not doing wrong - that would result in feeling guilt. and guilt and shame aren't the same thing.
i'm not a christian , but my pervading sense that was meshed in with shame was of something i can only describe as "a sin against life". something deep-down wrong.
and i don't like the idea of sin in regards to the condition/disorder of alcoholism, but the fact is that is how i/it FELT.
just adding it cause it's more truthful for me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 138
I drank to interact with my inner self and to feel a part of the human race. Drinking alone ensured that I wouldn't **** up the latter.
Their are no morality issues imo. My loved ones are just scared that they will have to attend a funeral prematurely, nothing more.
Their are no morality issues imo. My loved ones are just scared that they will have to attend a funeral prematurely, nothing more.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 212
Yeah, passing out at the kitchen table while my 3 year old sat with me playing with his trucks, or my hard working husband coming home from work, and I all I do is say hi, then pass out on the couch for the night is pretty shameful to me. I welcome the shame. Because I know if I don't pick up that first drink I will never have to feel that shame again. I don't know, for some reason drinking "alone"at home hurt my family worse. I guess it's because that is when I am 100% mom and wife. When I went out for girls night, my husband exspected me to come home drunk. I did shameful things when I was out too. For me drinking alone at home was the worst. But, no drinking, no shame. So I'm good. 
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by PaperDolls
I don't think I felt shame for drinking alone per se .... it was that I wasn't living any kind of life and I was tired of it. I was ashamed because I said I would stop but I didn't. I couldn't.
And mostly, I was ashamed because for so long I was sure I was only hurting me and I was WAY wrong. I was hurting everyone in my life that loved me.
And mostly, I was ashamed because for so long I was sure I was only hurting me and I was WAY wrong. I was hurting everyone in my life that loved me.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
whoa that was me. I can relate so much to everyone on this thread. The good thing about drinking alone at home is that I never made an ass of myself or hurt anyone else, the bad thing is that I was withdrawing from the human race and came very close to killing myself.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Carlotta
whoa that was me. I can relate so much to everyone on this thread. The good thing about drinking alone at home is that I never made an ass of myself or hurt anyone else, the bad thing is that I was withdrawing from the human race and came very close to killing myself.
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