ams0602

10 days of not drinking. I feel overly stressed. I have bad health anxieties and caught a stomach bug of some sort at the beginning if last week and it put me through some awfulness that is just now clearing up. I stressed out about it so hard that I'm sure I made myself sicker. I was convinced it was some problem with my liver or biliary drainage system but all my bloodwork came back normal (I voiced my concerns and was honest about my past).

But the sickness... I'm moving in w/ my boyfriend in two-ish months. And my grandfather aka "dad" has cancer and is too weak for chemo and radiation. So, it's a time to cherish all the time we have left with him. My actual parents are both in bad situations as well with their physical health, mental health, and economic statuses in poor shape.

I don't think about this stuff every second but it must be affecting me. I cry out of nowhere sometimes.

I don't have the urge to drink at the moment but I can see why, especially with my out-of-hand anxiety over being ill, why I liked it so much to begin with.

I hope my mood stabilizes more and more the longer I'm sober.

GracieLou

Hi ams0602. I understand. I have been crying like that too. My moods have been all over the map between yesterday and today. I too have no urge to drink but I have the urge to hide. The best thing I could do was get out and I did.

I went to a AA meeting this morning, took the dog to the park and soon I am going to another AA meeting.

Normally I would be at work but I took off, which I feel a little guilty about, but I needed a mental health day.

Hang in there. I understand.

ams0602

Thanks :-) I do need to get out more. I tend to hide all the time. It's just easier not to deal with people. The downside to that is that you can go a little stir-crazy inside your own brain alone for that long. Even when I was drinking, I'd turn down going to the bar with coworkers to drink at home, alone.

And I just don't have a lot of friends. I have my coworkers but most of their recreational after-work stuff involves drinking (tattoo shops absolutely live up to their reputations, lol).

I'm iffy about AA. First of all, it really doesn't fit in with my schedule. (Rationalization, I know). If I really wanted, I could go to an early morning meeting, I suppose. But I feel like this site in addition to my boyfriend, is providing a lot of the same sort of support. I guess I'll go if I start to get some serious cravings... The ones where I drive by the beer & wine store really slow and consider going in (like post-breakup with an abusive lover that was intoxicatingly great in the sack).

And don't feel guilty about a mental health day! We all need them! Enjoy it!