Crossfitdad

First, I'm going to say it, I'm pretty sure I have a drinking problem. A six pack of beer every night is definitely not normal. I haven't had a drink since May 19th - on that particular night, I drank 7 beers and a little bit of a margarita. I wasn't "drunk" (I rarely if ever get drunk anymore - and not because of tolerance being high, I just don't do it - now I do get intoxicated, but I never lose control or black out or whatnot).

Second, I've been to two AA meetings. I can't do them. I don't care for the people/vibe at these places. Nothing against them, I'm sure they are wonderful people, but it's just not for me. Also, I'm not going to any sort of meetings. That's just not how I roll.

Now, to my question. I always hear people talk about the "dry drunk" and people who quit drinking without help are "not in recovery and continue the same patterns/characteristics just without alcohol". What patterns/characteristics are they talking about? My current patterns/characteristic day is as follows:

1. Wake up.
2. Get to the office at 9:00 (my own firm).
3. screw around on the internet for about fifteen-thirty minutes (so sue me )
4. emails, phone calls.
5. Work
6. Go to the box (gym)
7. Eat
8. Work
9. Go home, Play with the kids...take daughter to swim team.
10. Come home cook/**** around in the back yard and garden (all while consuming the beers).
11. Spend time with the wife
12. Watch about 30 mins of tv
13. Go to bed and read.

What is going to change about that other than cutting out the "(all while consuming the beers)"?

If my problem is beer, and I cut out the beer...isn't that recovery/success? Part of me believes that this is just something to get people into the programs (as said on an earlier thread I believe that "misery loves company").

Assuming this "dry drunk" stuff is true, isn't it better to be a "dry drunk" than a "wet drunk"?

caboblanco

I wasn't a horrible person while drinking either. I quit for my physical health. Im not sure if you are getting this dry drunk theory from AA but you don't go there anymore therefore I would say you shouldn't pay it any mind.

doggonecarl

For problem drinkers, quitting solves the problem. For alcoholics, quitting is often just the start of the problems.

If you are a problem drinker, quitting could be difficult but not insurmountable. For an alcoholic, sobriety is often a hurdle they never get over.

As for dry drunk behaviors, you've been sober, what? Two days? Give yourself some time to get used to an alcohol free life. You can revisit this later on, if you struggle with staying sober.

Torso

I thought dry drunk was AA's term for wet brain syndrome...(Wernicke Korsakoff syndrome). People who act drunk still, despite having giving up booze...confusing words/sentances and poor memory.

I could be wrong tho!

awuh1

You don't sound like an alcoholic to me, not yet anyway. No wonder you don't like the "vibe". Perhaps you will be more in tune with it down the line. If you are they will welcome you back.

caboblanco

I believe a dry drunk is just a sober person who is an a-hole

Crossfitdad

That's why I'm quitting. Sure I haven't gone full bore alcoholic yet, but if I keep it up, I'm sure it's coming (I'm 38).

Thanks, guys. I'm really not trying to be a dick here.

sparky78

A dry drunk is someone who has quit drinking but isn't in recovery and is exhibiting the same behaviors he/she did when active (and typically also an a**hole lol). I wouldn't worry about it at this point, just quit drinking and see what happens. You'll learn quickly whether your an alcoholic or not, dry drunks tend to be miserable. I think its great that you're quitting before things get worse, I quit for 4 months before things got bad for me, unfortunately I thought because I was able to quit with ease I wasn't an alcoholic. I progressively got worse but you don't have to reach bottom before quitting.

Btw, a "normal" drinker would feel fairly drunk after 7 beers & a margarita. Tolerance is one of the first signs of addiction, as is a need to control drinking. I wish you the best of luck!

Dee74

Hey crossfitdad

if you think beer is the problem and all you need to do is cut that out then maybe AVRT, a technique from Rational Recovery, is for you. No meetings either.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

D

Crossfitdad

haha. You're right. BTW, it was one of those beer margaritas (really tiny little cans) and it was over about 5 or 6 hours.

I guess it depends on definition of drunk...maybe I should use the term effed up. I consider drunk/effed up slurring, blacking out, obnoxious, not in control and then passing out. I surely was buzzing really really hard but I still had control of my faculties. In college we would get drunk/effed up - you know, raising hell and passing out.

Definitely not making excuses for my behavior.

Happier

I personally do not like labels or diagnosis such as dry drunk. To me they were just something confusing and made me question myself. I spent way too much time and energy worrying about whether I am normal, a problem drinker, an alcoholic, a dry drunk, recovered or in recovery,.....whew, it is exhausting just typing all that.

No disrespect to others. I totally understand why it is helpful to some to self-identify. I see that side of things too but just wasn't helpful for me personally.

In my case, I drank too much too often. It concerned me and some close to me. I found a way to fix it and I no longer drink anything with alcohol. I am better for it and still continue to grow with each passing day. Slowly buts surely I am finding my own peace with that. Hope you find what works for you.

Grungehead

I was sober for 7 years but I stopped treating my disease for the last two years. I was a perfect example of a dry drunk. I stopped growing instead of continuing to grow and was white knuckling it for 2 years. I eventually became miserable (and was an a-hole lol) and had two options...start treating my disease again or drink. I chose to drink. I had no illusions of controlling it, I was just so miserable I said eff it. I took the wrong fork in the road but luckily I recently came to another fork in the road. I think this time I made the right choice.

Crossfitdad,

Cut out the beers and see what happens. It probably won't take long to see whether or not you have a drinking problem or not. When I was not drinking and treating my alcoholism I was happy. When I was not drinking but not treating my alcoholism I was miserable. There was a distinct difference for me and probably will be for you if you are an alcoholic. If you remove the alcohol and life is still good then you probably are not an alcoholic. JMO

sugarbear1

Rational Recovery
AVRT
SMART
SOS
Life Ring

all have their own website, if you find you need more than just not drinking.

If, when you stop, life really sucks, AA will also be available.

I wish you well on your sober journey!

Crossfitdad

So please let me get this straight. If you quit drinking and you're miserable then you are an alcoholic? I don't understand...I quit drinking because it became a habit that was making feel bad. Why would you want to quit one thing that made you feel bad to only be miserable?

So far, Im enjoying not drinking...the last two workouts have been awesome...I'm getting a hell of a lot more done at work (can focus better)...and I don't feel like poo in the mornings. Plus the anxiety has gone done a lot. Plus I have a sense of control...like eff you beer, I am better than you...I don't have to drink you.

Today for about five minutes I thought about having beer tonight (hell, it's been my routine for several years), but then decided that I had made a commitment to stop drinking until my birthday (few months from now) just to see if I lost weight, toned up and just feel better overall.

My wife hasn't said anything yet. I'm kind of worried that she's gonna ask me why I haven't had any brews. She doesn't really drink...but she'll surprise me with beer every now and then...what do I tell her without being embarrassed?
She's dismissed my questions to her in the past as to whether I drink too much.

DirtyRiverMan

Edit............. should not have bashed AA. I support anything that works for folks.

Sorry.

Dee74

Lets remember that we all need a little mutual respect here.

This is a discussion board for peer support, not Fight Club.

thanks
D

bigsombrero

Carl's right IMO - this might be a topic to examine once you put a few solid weeks of sobriety together. Getting sober time is hard enough without worrying about rules and terminology!

BTW, good for you for stepping up. It takes a lot to say what you just said - it's time to work on yourself and that starts with sobriety. Good luck and welcome!

Crossfitdad

bigsombrero: Amen. I will.

AlcoholicOrNot

Dee! That was a Eureka moment for me! That's my path. Many thanks!

Grungehead

I think you misunderstood me. Because I am an alcoholic I drank to the point that I was miserable. That is why I quit drinking, but it took more than just quitting for ME to be happy because there were other problems that contributed to my heavy and uncontrolled drinking. When I was addressing those issues life got better and I was happy. That is what kept me sober. When I stopped addressing those issues life became miserable again only I wasn't hiding the feelings with alcohol. So I reached a point that I was miserable with or without drinking. I chose to go back to being miserable with drinking. I was only speaking about my experience and other alcoholics that have experienced the same thing. If you are not an alcoholic I can understand how this might not make sense.

The first step of AA says that we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. That was true for me and it made me miserable. You have to understand that as an alcoholic my drinking went way past being a habit...it had control over my entire life. If I JUST removed the alcohol without changing anything else my life was just as unmanageable, I just wasn't drinking. Alcohol was just a symptom of my disease.

Maybe someone else here can explain this better than me. IMO it sounds like alcohol has not affected your life with any negative consequences so far. Alcohol caused all kinds of negative consequences for me because once I started drinking I had no control over it. I drank to avoid my problems...when I stopped drinking all of those problems still existed minus the alcohol. When I addressed those problems and worked to correct them my life got better. But after about 5 years of sobriety I stopped doing that and my life got worse, still minus the alcohol. After a couple of years of that I started drinking again to once again to avoid the problems.

Sorry this is so long haha. I typed out 3 different versions trying to explain what I meant in my previous post. Instead of deleting 2 of them I'll let you read all 3 of them and maybe one of them will make sense.

But the simple explanation is that for me personally it has taken more than just stopping drinking to live a happy life. I'm not saying everyone is like that but I don't think I am unique either. If I was unique there would be no need for AA, NA and several other recovery programs that people like me use.