vlaaa02

Hi there, I woke up this morning with the realization that I am a 21 year old alcoholic. I just found this website as i am desperate to quit drinking as it's destroying my relationships and triggering my anxiety/paranoia/depression. I've had a bad relationship with alcohol since the age of 17 when i drove my car into a wall while intoxicated and was arrested. 18-19 i was going out 4 times a week and blacking out on every occasion which would get me into horrible/terrifying situations some involving sex. These memories haunt me on a daily basis so to try and erase them, i self medicate with alcohol. It's a vicious cycle. I'm 21 now and my boyfriend who i lived with left me and moved away a few weeks ago because i would push him away when i was drunk which was most evenings. The break up triggered a new extent of my drinking where i will now drink in the mornings/early afternoon. I am drinking at least 2 bottles of wine a day. I had to move back home and my family do not know about my problem. I apologise if this is a bit of a rant but I have no one to talk to about my problem as i have lost all of my friends/boyfriend. I don't want to tell my family as i don't want to disappoint them or cause them any more worry/concern as i have done because of my depression/suicidal tendencies. I am really scared, ashamed and desperate to quit drinking. Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

suzi_Q

Hi there, I am sure you will find lots of help from the people here. If you want to get advice and support SR is a great resource. I am 16 days sober, and each time I have felt lost or in need of inspiration I have jumped onto SR and read someone's story

You can do it

TheRestorative

Hello. I also started forming a drinking habit at 17. Though I have not experienced everything you have, I'd been drinking into my 20s also. I'm now 25 days sober because this time really meant something to me, compared to all of the other failed attempts to quit. I just knew that this time I wanted to get my life together and really hope for something better, not just in thought, but in action. We're young, and lots of times you'll hear stories about the 50 or 60 something year-old individual who had a problem for 30+ years (not meaning to discredit long-time drinkers), and you think you have some time before things get really bad. I think if you had a conversation with one of them, they'd tell you they wish they hadn't waited so long. Take advantage of your youth and the limited time you've been addicted to drinking (4 years?), and quit while it has less of a pull on you; that's my advice. Regain your imagination, your ability to play, create, and see beyond hard things. When we were kids, we'd scrape a knee or bicker with a friend, and in 5 minutes, we're over it. Because it has no hold on us. Every day I work at freedom. Freedom isn't easy when we've been training ourselves to live in bondage for years. And I believe it's why we form these habits. Drinking presents an illusion that's really a false sense of freedom. The loose feeling of being drunk is mistaken for real freedom in breaking the chains of addiction and living completely free. I know you can do it. Just one step at a time; one day at a time. There are things I had to learn over time. I used to get upset with myself for not getting it all together in just one day. But I had to grow. I had to except growth and I had to except the process. Different people come into our lives at exactly the right time. Different pieces of helpful information come in that way, as well. Trust the process and lean into healing as best as you can right now.

I believe in you.

vlaaa02

Thank you so,so much for your words of support, they have helped knock down a bit of the craving i'm currently having.

artsoul

Welcome vlaaa -

It really is a vicious cycle (you hit the nail on the head there).... I was never so miserable as when I was drinking. It's hard to stop on our own, though, because the cravings (physical, mental and emotional) are so powerful.

Admitting we can't beat this on our own and reaching out for help takes courage, but it's the best thing we can do when we're stuck in addiction. I'm glad you're here!

vlaaa02

So... I started to get an insane headache about an hour ago and was tempted to have a glass of wine to get rid of it. I refrained but then i went downstairs shortly after to take an aspirin and my parents were downstairs with each of their wine bottles out whilst eating dinner. The temptation was too much and i asked for a glass of wine in which they accepted as they do not know i am suffering from alcoholism. I have some false sense of satisfaction knowing i've only had one drink at 10pm when usually i would have gone through 2 bottles by now but now I'm back here and really disappointed in myself. I truly felt confident that I could go a day without drinking. Now the glass is empty and i am craving the next which i know will end up with me drinking the whole bottle and more. I'm finding it really hard to refrain when i'm back home with my parents in a house filled with alcohol. AH!

anewpage

Have you considered telling your parents about it?

vlaaa02

No. My dad went to rehab last year for benzo's and alcohol but unfortunately could not beat the addiction. My mother also drinks quite a fair bit in the evenings. I don't know if this is why I feel uncomfortable talking to them about it?

2granddaughters

I found AA to be the only thing to get me sober and keep me sober.

All the best.

Bob R

vlaaa02

Thanks for the feedback, i really would like to attend AA meetings- my social anxiety has come back in full force over the past few months so every time i've considered to go out there and attend, i work myself up and end up not attending.