Dark months: 1 year ago
 

Being sober this May and June is bringing back some real tough memories. That's because May and June of 2012 were my darkest days. The daily drinking behavior, the isolation, the sickness, everything was at an all time high. Ugh. Almost makes me cry. I think that humans naturally often think "what was I doing last year at this time?" - usually the answer is that we were in Hawaii visiting aunt Jo, a fond memory. But for me, every time that thought pops into my head, I don't have to wonder...I know exactly what I was doing. Killing myself slowly, completely mindless to any alternative. Sheesh.

I guess the bright side is that I'm sober enough to finally start examining my past. On the darker side....it's a depressing thing to have in my mind! Wish I could kind of forget about it, but I'm not sure if that's healthy? Perhaps when I hit 1 year, it will be like a slate washed clean.

I know it's me, those memories of then are so far removed from what I know is my reality and who I am now, that there's an edge of unreality to it after 6 years.

I hope I never lose the connection tho because, as dark and as painful as those memories are, they keep me grounded

Congrats again on your progress BigS :)

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you cn be greatful that isnt you anymore!

I still sometimes cringe when I remember anything from 2010. It has eased over time....

I think certain things pop into my head to give me a reminder of what my old life style did to me. I tend to forgot the bad times, which can be dangerous.