Justfor1

So I've been thinking of a very old friend of mine (a ex-girlfriend) lately & talking to her brother on facebook. She is currently in prison in another state for a serious crime. I decided to write her a letter & tell her that she is a good person still with a good heart. I have not spoke with her in many years. I was nervous about if or how she would respond. Well, I got a letter back quickly & she was very happy someone cares enough to write (no one has). She has lost her kids due to addiction, lost family & incarcerated in a max womens prison. I am grateful I'm not in that position & hope to be her friend & write once a month. I won't send money to her though.

GroundhogDay

I do volunteer work. It is a wonderful thing to help others that everyone else has turned their backs on.

Justfor1

Yes it is. However, I have to be careful because we have quite a past history. Also, I have known many "con artists" in my life but none like her. She could sell ice to a Eskimo. She broke my heart many years ago by cheating on me & stealing money. I forgave her for that but must remember that I am playing with a "poisonous snake" that could bit me!

BillyWeaver

Always nice to lend a helping hand...


How is your sobriety going Just?

GroundhogDay

Yes, but I assume that you know how to set and maintain boundaries with her. I have found the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend helpful for dealing with manipulative people as well as my own out of control behavior.

GracieLou

I had a friend like this. He was actually a friend of my brothers and when he passed away he stayed connected to the family.

I always knew he had his hand in someones cookie jar but never in mine. I guess in my mind that made it okay. My brother was a lot like him so I guess I missed my brother so much that I excused his behavior.

He was in and out of jail/prison a couple times. No major time. Six months here a year or two there. Always relating to drugs or scamming. He also can and probably did sell ice cubes to an Eskimo. He could make millions if he used his skill in a positive/legal arena.

The last time he was arrested was for faking prescriptions. He had some ID on him which the police first thought belonged to my ex-husband. It was later determined to be my sons.

He had stolen his SS card and and old expired medical card. With the items was also a library card and a grocery store discount card. These were items he had created later. The library card was not my son's nor the grocery card. My son was eleven. He was trying to create a false identity and using my sons ID to do it.

His hand had went into my cookie jar.

This time I did not write him in prison and when he got out I refused to see or speak with him. He went in again for awhile and got back out at the beginning of this year. He tried to friend my on facebook and I blocked him.

I know in my heart he is sick. I know he deals with many demons but I don't think I have what it takes. I would get sucked back in again. I don't like to play mind games. I don't have the talent nor the energy to out fox the fox.

I applaud you for reaching out and since she is behind the walls then that keeps her at a safe distance. I wish you and her good thoughts that you can somehow build a friendship.

Justfor1

Gracie, thank you for your post. She is the most charming alcoholic/addict I have ever met in my life. I even have a tattoo of her name on me!

GracieLou

This man held my son in the hospital the same day he was born. He came in later than visiting hours allowed by claiming he was my husband/the father. The daytime shift had already left so they had no clue it was not my husband.

Trust me, I know the type but charming is not quite the word I would have chosen.

He had this talent to sound like a sheep "bahhing" I know that is not spelled right but you get the drift. If he called and the answer machine or voice mail got it, all he would do is "BAH" into the phone. I always knew who had called.

He is a wolf in sheep's clothing. It was rather fitting.

Stang

In 2000 I cut ties with someone similar. We were drinking buddies. This guy was the ultimate piece a work. Compulsive liar, alcoholic, violent temper, ex convict with four DUIs. He missed the graveside part of his mother's funeral to get drunk.
You would never know these things when first meting him...well except for the prison tatoos on his fingers. Most people drop hints when they lie but not him. Best damned liar I ever met. I finally cut ties after he shafted me out of $300.00.
Fast forward to April of 2010. I was just beginning to grasp the depth of my own drinking problem. I was at a convenience store buying beer when someone yelled my name.. There he was wearing filthy clothes with two King Cobras in his hands. He had some rough looking gal with a black eye tagging along with him. He was living in the street. They followed me to my car and we talked while I pumped gas. He had alligator tears in his eyes....I knew he would drag me into the gutter if I tried to help him. I gave him a fake number and went on my way.
I can't tell you what to do only what I have done and would do. I would have nothing to do with her. If you want to help others there are a ton of places you can volunteer to do so. I'd leave her alone.