DirtyRiverMan

I have been a problem drinker (drunk) all of my adult life and my teen years as well. I had cut way back on my drinking and was living a mostly healthy lifestyle for the last few years my wife was alive. We were married for 10 years. When I lost her I became a hard drinker again. That was 12 years ago.

But the thing is, I am tired of drinking and the life style. I have decided to quit and no longer crave drinking. I seriously never want to be drunk again.
The last few months of my drinking were horrible and I did very stupid things and lost all control. I never want to be out of control again.

But the hard reality is that quitting drinking will not make my life any better. It will actually make it harder. I will no longer get silly with my friends and play music into the morning hours by the campfire. I am socially awkward when sober and have no desire to go to social functions sober. I will more than likely quit seeing all my friends since they are all drunks too and I will no longer have anything in common with them.

So my life won't get better. It will just get worse, but I will feel better. Feel good, but unhappy and lonely.

It is a hard reality to face. But I have to quit drinking. I can never let myself loose control again. If I do, me or someone else will get hurt, or worse.

Torso

I'm sorry you feel you'll be lonely without the booze and for the loss of your wife, have you ever had grief counselling?

Sounds like you have never lived sober so it's something you'll have to learn.
Give yourself a chance and find some hobbies.
I've realised the past week or so that there a lot of people out there who don't drink regularly or need to, to have fun. One of my goals is to be one of those people!

CharlieNoogan

I agree. Giving up alcohol is like losing an old friend and a way of life. Regarding your life getting worse, consider the alternatives: institutions, jail, or death. You might meet a lot of "friends" in jail or a mental hospital, but is that really the way you want to go?

I have met a lot of new people in treatment and in the fellowship of A.A. I find that helps with the social aspect.

DirtyRiverMan

It is true that I have never lived sober and have no idea how too.
As far a grief support. I don't need any. I went through all the therapy and anti-depressant meds years ago. There is nothing that is going to make me forget how much I loved the life I had before I lost my soulmate. I just accept it as bad luck and carry on. I had 10 wonderful years of marriage. And that was after 2 other failed marriages. 3rd time was a charm ha ha.
I don't want any more relationships. My heart doesn't have another break left in it.
I am happy being single.

But giving up my friends worries me. Sure I could still hang out with them but it wont be any fun. They are all about getting wasted. But they are all married too and I am also tired of being the 3rd wheel.

I just need to learn to be happy alone.

My reality is that I cheated myself out of a normal life by chasing a buzz since I was in my early teens. I can never get those years back. That makes me sad.

But yes. It is far better to stay out of jail, prison, have cirrhosis and the like.

I figure I am very lucky I have never killed anyone by driving drunk. I used to be very bad about drunk driving. Driving with one eye open so there would only be one road. I was so selfish and STUPID!

Pamel

BTW, a lot of the people I know in AA regularly get together and play music. In fact, at a 7:30 AM meeting last week a fellow brought in his guitar and did a beautiful rendition of this:

Amanda McBroom: Errol Flynn - YouTube

Pamel

also, check out Match.com. Even Martha Stewart is doing it! (I met my husband 10 years ago there)...when I was 57. There are many listings just for friendships too.

Dee74

I'm not sure it makes our lives harder - only in the immediate short term, perhaps.

I actually *didn't* end up losing in the long term - I re-discovered a me who'd been missing for years, I rediscovered old friends, and made new ones where the relationships where not built on alcohol....I started doing something with my life, helping people...

and slowly but surely - I grew to love myself.
Once I did that I could learn to love someone else too.

None of this is a quick process, growth never is...

but don't get stuck in the idea that the way you feel today is the way you'll feel forever - thats just not true

D

Mountainmanbob

FeenixxRising

Of course your life can get better. What you're reallying saying is that you don't want to put in the work or take chances doing different things in order to make your life better.

You're giving up without even trying. Buck up brother and get out there and find a fullfilling and happy life. I get the impression you're not a man who is afraid of rolling up his sleeves and getting to work--so do it.

robgt350

dirtyman

hay bro you can quit, it is difficult i know i am doing it. sorry to hear about your wife, i think i would have went down the same path. but i think you have the strength to do it. i think that it is more difficult to be a social drinker when you have a drinking addiction, compared to complete sobriety. it did make my life harder not drinking for a while, cause i lived my life around drinking. but in the end, it turned out better life for me not drinking. i also had the same fear about possible results, injuries to self or others, or incarceration due to drinking. that was a big carrot in front of me to stop drinking. so hang in there Bro, you can do it.

instant

The crytal ball can lie. It may be your addiction speaking. Despite my dire predictions i have found living sober to be much better.

DirtyRiverMan

Thanks. And I am sure it will be.
But today, all I seem to do is dwell on all my past mistakes, and look towards an uncertain future.

But one thing is for sure. No matter what happens. I will remember it, because I will be sober!

zjw

I'm not a social person I never wanted to go anywhere that didnt involve booze if it was going to interfere with my drinking time. Spending time with family? nope not unless there is booze.
I'm still not very social by any means but for the first time in my life I am starting to enjoy going to various places with my family and realizing that some of these places are really fun even if they dont have booze. I'm almost 2 years sober so I guess it took a while for me!. I still hung out with one friend for a while after i quit even tho he still drank it didnt bother me none. but yeah I guess it would be hard if your friends are getting drunk and being stupid and your not.

Sorry about your wife. I often wonder what it would take for me to find myself in the bottom of a booze barrel and I think loosing my wife would do that. God forbid that happened to me I'd have to move into an aa meeting or something. Otherwise i might not leave a bar. Scary thoughts!

It does get better tho and your right you cant go on drinking or yeah it will just get worse. I thought i had it the worst till i met others and realized my problems with drinking where probably pretty mild compared to them! So yeah sometimes I think what have i done I shouldnt have let it go on for so long! Other times I think thank God i quit when i did or else it coulda been way way worse!

But in the thick of my drinking i was in the darkest forest it was total misery and I couldnt see the way out. Nor did i realize the source of my misery was the booze i willfully consumed day in and day out!

Grungehead

It's good not to forget the past but you can't dwell on it. I stayed sober for 7 years two different times and those were some of the happiest times in my life (once I got past the first few months). I made several very good friends that were either sober or only drank socially. I lived both the sober life and the drinking life and the sober life was always better. Every time I started drinking again was because I stopped doing the things that kept me sober. Well I am trying to get back to that happy place and I will have 1 month in 2 hours.

aussieblue

I hope things turn out differently than your predicting and you end up having a happy life. You just never know whats around the corner.

DirtyRiverMan

Thanks. I am hopeful. I made a good decision and life change today. I hired a personal trainer and we went to the store together. He showed me what to eat, and is going to work with me for 14 weeks and whip me into shape!


I told him I will do whatever he says for 14 weeks. He put the hurt on me today lifting weights. I am excited about the possibility of being in shape again.

aussieblue

It sounds like your making some really good choices. Exercise is a great way to clear the head and also releases those feel good endorphines. Keep us posted.

bigsombrero

DRM - I'm 10 months sober and I've lost 25 LBS - no joke. The absence of alcohol from my life drastically reduced calorie intake. I have also been much MUCH more active as a result of my sobriety. I have payed very close attention to my eating habits. I am almost a vegetarian now (eat about 2 servings of meat per week)...no bread, either. Once you get used to it, it's fine - just gotta keep at it. I am much stronger and leaner than I have been in years - good luck, I am glad you are taking this step!!!

As for drinking life being "more fun" - you have to remember that it's not really all that fun. Your mind TELLS you it's fun, but it's not. Heck, I used to think staying home on the couch was fun...because I was drunk! Seeing life from a sober perspective can seem depressing because you can't enjoy your old habits....but remember, your old habits were crappy. It does take effort, but in my experience I have found life to be much more interesting as a sober individual. Hang in there.

Hevyn

I'm so glad to know you're feeling a bit more positive. Wonderful things can still be in store - you have a long way to go yet.

Nineteen67

Good luck bud, whipping your arse into shape is a great way to replace the time you used to spend getting drunk. Stick with it, so sorry to hear about your wife, makes my problems seem trivial, all the best.