So tired...
 

Of constantly making a fool out of myself being a belligerent alcoholic. So annoying. The things I say and do are ridiculous and very personal. :c004:

So annoyed with myself. I'm such a drunk.

Not an abnormal reaction when a person is sick & tired of being sick & tired.
Surrender to win is the great paradox of recovery!
Welcome to SR & keep learning

So was I.

Stop being a drunk :)
do you have a plan, Cocopuff?

D

Being a drunk is exhausting. Why not make a big push to get sober? It's far less tiring, believe me.

Yeah I know it is my lifestyle..

I bitch and moan but I'm already almost done a bottle of white wine. The cycle never ends.. lol sigh.

It is a full time job.

Imagine how awesome your life would be if you put as much effort in to sobriety as you did into bitching and moaning about what a drunk you are?! I, too, became tired of feeling shame all the time because of what alcohol did to me. It is so great to have some peace and serenity in my life now....every day. YOU can have this too!

I think I am ready. I have finally got the proper resources in my area. I am going to go for an assessment I can't keep going down this path of pain and suffering. I deserve to be happy and healthy. I really want to stop this cycle it is insanity. I'm constantly making a fool out of myself. I'm at the point where I am blacking out daily and no longer trust myself. I just lock myself in my apartment and drink and drink and drink.

Yes this sounds familiar....add in drugs and that is exactly where I was at, that is until they took my home.

You can change and you don't need to hit rock bottom first, are you physically dependent on alcohol at this point?

Sorry about your home.

Yeah.. I don't have hallucinations but I am dependent on it.. I drink every single night or night and day and use it to cope.. relieve my anxiety and I crave it.. Its been almost 4 years of drinking daily/nightly the moment I took that one martini again at that bar/lounge with "friends" after getting myself together again, leaving stripping, leaving the partying, going back to school, being physically fit and healthy, sober, and even maintain a job in retail. When your doing well and look good they always come back and I always attract the wrong people.. end up in the bars and its all downhill from there. I'm 24 now.. I've been drinking for years and battling for years. I don't want this path anymore.

I was instantly hooked again and just couldn't stop drinking. It has been a wild ride.

I'd say I'm pretty dependent. Within 2-6 hours upon awakening I'm boozing depending how severe my hangover is. My tolerance is pretty good now I can handle almost half a 1.14L a day and not have severe hangovers. Thats way too much booze to be consuming I'm at the liquor store every second day its humiliating. I'm sick of the liquor store. I get the money to afford all this through doing escort services. I've dabbled in various drugs (mostly cocaine and ecstasy) in the past but wasn't a fan of them.. just increased my anxiety so never got into them.

I pulled my mirror off my wall a few days ago and ended up passing out in the bed with it.. this is starting to scare me.. I was arrested a few years ago and put on probation for my drinking but that wasn't enough. No no I don't have a problem. Ugh. So many bad memories.. big fights with cab drivers, people, the puking, puking on myself, the bed wetting, wetting myself in public, puking in public.. It does on and on. :gaah

I've realized I have made a fool out of myself too much this month. I've had it.. really had it. I never needed it.

How did it escalate to this point?

Alcohol and the addictive voice that comes along with it is very insidious. For those of us with the perfect storm in place it happens right underneath us. The solution is simple but not easy. You must be more tired of what alcohol is doing to you and your life than you want that next drink. In AA it's called the "gift of desperation"...

I used to ask myself the same question: "how did it get this bad?!?!" It seems to be par for the course with addiction.... it becomes a vicious cycle that just slowly keeps getting worse.

I drank to relieve my anxiety/depression and eventually became a daily drinker, too. It wasn't until I'd gotten sober that I realized most of my anxiety and depression were caused by the alcohol. I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and that's when I found this forum.

Getting sober was the best thing I ever did. You can do this. Keep reading and posting - you're not alone......we know what it's like.:hug:

Yeah what makes it difficult is alcohol brought me here to this lifestyle and path again. I feel trapped. I actually really lost control this time. I can't believe how fast 4 years fly by when your wasted again. I feel off the wagon AGAIN big time.

I stopped taking my medication and seeing my psychiatrist when I started drinking again. I just didn't care all I wanted to do was drink and make money. I quit school and my job. Terrible.

I didn't care about much at the end either, but I sure could drag myself to the liquor store. :boggled: At one point, I didn't care whether I lived or died (or so I thought). It took getting sober to get my sanity back but once I did, I started to see that life was worth living. I even started liking myself.....:11:

Things really will get better, even if you can't see it now. Promise!

I absolutely agree I reached that point where I was doing these high risk things and I just didn't care whether I lived or died. I know I just wanted to die honestly. I felt no hope or way out of this cycle. So many dangerous things..

- passing out with the oven on with food in it burning to a crisp.
- passing out in bed with alcohol in hand in bed waking up to that with a hangover.. how depressing and pathetic is that?
- I had a bad fire half drunk cooking
- falling over and breaking things, breaking glasses
- fights
- ruined relationships
- high risk sex
- police arrests
- assaulted someone

the list goes on it is so unhealthy.