The Dangerous Road
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Kingsport, TN
Posts: 31
The Dangerous Road
I started drinking when I was about 17. Nothing major, just a teenager liking the thrill of sneaking a beer here and there behind my parent's backs. At 18 my parents found out, and didn't really care. I was never one to go out and party, I was the one who drunk at home, or with a few close friends. Around this time drinking became less about the thrill and more about how good it made me feel.
I experimented with pot also, but disliked the smell and disliked the "inside of a barrel" feeling that it gave me. Drinking on the other hand made me feel that warm, fuzzy feeling. It could feel it seeping and pouring from my neck, down into my fingers and it felt so good. Like a warm blanket. The buzz inside my head was euphoric and it made me feel so at peace with myself.
Around the age of 19, my girlfriend (now my wife) and me were living together with my first cousin. We lived in a dump. We didn't even have a fridge. We never kept much food, only sandwich stuff in an old cooler. My wife was never much of a drinker, but me and my cousin were. Me and him would stay up all night playing video games and drinking beer by the cases. When the first rays of morning were filtering through the window, I remember many times looking around blurry eyed and seeing the mountains of empty beer cans around us.
I wasn't dependant on beer at the time. Yes, we drank heavily, but I didn't need it with me every second of the day, but it's ill effects were rearing their ugly heads. My cousin moved out, and me and my wife moved into a trailer. I would get blind drunk at nights and write poetry, and this is where my demons became unleashed for the first time. I hit my wife a few times. With her urging I stopped. Cold turkey, I stopped.
I stayed sober for a little over a year. I had no anger issues while sober I was my real self. I got married, and two wonderful kids were born to us. One hot summer day out of the blue, I asked my wife if I could buy some beer. She was hesitant at first, but gave in under my promises to her that I would keep it under control, and not get drunk.
I did good for awhile, if one could call drinking of any kind good.
One day from the blue I decided we should move to a different state. She's originally from Alabama, and so we picked up and drove 12 hours away to pay first month's rent on a trailer down there. We got there, and the deal didn't go through, so we ended up staying in a motel until we got jobs and found something.
My drinking became worse here. The guy who owned the motel was a big drinker, as were the other people staying there. Every evening we would all gather outside and just drink. My drinking led to more acts of violence at this time. I would black out and do things to her that no man should ever do to his wife.
I got a job at this time also, and she did too. I worked all of three days and quit. The drinking became worse until one night I hit her in front of our children, and she called the cops and I was arrested.
She filed a restraining order on me, and I sat in a jail hundreds of miles from my family. I had no money and no one. I did a lot of thinking in that cell for the month that I stayed there and vowed to never drink for her sake.
I was released and went to my sisters in NC. I stayed there until my court date. At court my wife decided to press the restraining order further, and I didn't blame her. So, I went back to WV to stay with my dad.
For almost two months I didn't get to see my wife or kids, but she called one night and wanted to work it out, only if I vowed to stay sober, and I said that I would.
Things were WONDERFUL for almost two years. And, once again I asked if I could only just buy a few wine coolers. I would only drink wine coolers, that would be okay. She was scared, but let me. Those wine coolers led to beer, and that led to my dependancy. From 2008 until 2012, I drank EVERY day. From the time that I got up until I went to bed, I had a beer in my hand. I went to friends house and passed out on beer and moonshine more times than I can count. Woke up in the woods in the winter, and wondered how I got there. I couldn't go anywhere if I couldn't drink there.
She left me again last summer. I had had enough. All the other times I quit to appease her, this time I wanted to quit for ME. I was sick of it ruining my life, making me do things I would never do while sober, and I was sick of being chained to it, needing it, putting it above everything. I went to rehab on August 2nd 2012. Stayed a week. Came out and I have NEVER felt so alive, so close to my wife or my kids. There is something different about this time. I know I will make it. I feel so free. It's a wonderful feeling that I hope to God that all addicts will feel one day. I am lucky. I have a wonderful wife who stood by me, and helped me and still helps me, and I have a great God who without him, I would never have the fortitude to do this. That was my dangerous road, and there's many more who travel it every day. I hope to see you on this end soon.
I experimented with pot also, but disliked the smell and disliked the "inside of a barrel" feeling that it gave me. Drinking on the other hand made me feel that warm, fuzzy feeling. It could feel it seeping and pouring from my neck, down into my fingers and it felt so good. Like a warm blanket. The buzz inside my head was euphoric and it made me feel so at peace with myself.
Around the age of 19, my girlfriend (now my wife) and me were living together with my first cousin. We lived in a dump. We didn't even have a fridge. We never kept much food, only sandwich stuff in an old cooler. My wife was never much of a drinker, but me and my cousin were. Me and him would stay up all night playing video games and drinking beer by the cases. When the first rays of morning were filtering through the window, I remember many times looking around blurry eyed and seeing the mountains of empty beer cans around us.
I wasn't dependant on beer at the time. Yes, we drank heavily, but I didn't need it with me every second of the day, but it's ill effects were rearing their ugly heads. My cousin moved out, and me and my wife moved into a trailer. I would get blind drunk at nights and write poetry, and this is where my demons became unleashed for the first time. I hit my wife a few times. With her urging I stopped. Cold turkey, I stopped.
I stayed sober for a little over a year. I had no anger issues while sober I was my real self. I got married, and two wonderful kids were born to us. One hot summer day out of the blue, I asked my wife if I could buy some beer. She was hesitant at first, but gave in under my promises to her that I would keep it under control, and not get drunk.
I did good for awhile, if one could call drinking of any kind good.
One day from the blue I decided we should move to a different state. She's originally from Alabama, and so we picked up and drove 12 hours away to pay first month's rent on a trailer down there. We got there, and the deal didn't go through, so we ended up staying in a motel until we got jobs and found something.
My drinking became worse here. The guy who owned the motel was a big drinker, as were the other people staying there. Every evening we would all gather outside and just drink. My drinking led to more acts of violence at this time. I would black out and do things to her that no man should ever do to his wife.
I got a job at this time also, and she did too. I worked all of three days and quit. The drinking became worse until one night I hit her in front of our children, and she called the cops and I was arrested.
She filed a restraining order on me, and I sat in a jail hundreds of miles from my family. I had no money and no one. I did a lot of thinking in that cell for the month that I stayed there and vowed to never drink for her sake.
I was released and went to my sisters in NC. I stayed there until my court date. At court my wife decided to press the restraining order further, and I didn't blame her. So, I went back to WV to stay with my dad.
For almost two months I didn't get to see my wife or kids, but she called one night and wanted to work it out, only if I vowed to stay sober, and I said that I would.
Things were WONDERFUL for almost two years. And, once again I asked if I could only just buy a few wine coolers. I would only drink wine coolers, that would be okay. She was scared, but let me. Those wine coolers led to beer, and that led to my dependancy. From 2008 until 2012, I drank EVERY day. From the time that I got up until I went to bed, I had a beer in my hand. I went to friends house and passed out on beer and moonshine more times than I can count. Woke up in the woods in the winter, and wondered how I got there. I couldn't go anywhere if I couldn't drink there.
She left me again last summer. I had had enough. All the other times I quit to appease her, this time I wanted to quit for ME. I was sick of it ruining my life, making me do things I would never do while sober, and I was sick of being chained to it, needing it, putting it above everything. I went to rehab on August 2nd 2012. Stayed a week. Came out and I have NEVER felt so alive, so close to my wife or my kids. There is something different about this time. I know I will make it. I feel so free. It's a wonderful feeling that I hope to God that all addicts will feel one day. I am lucky. I have a wonderful wife who stood by me, and helped me and still helps me, and I have a great God who without him, I would never have the fortitude to do this. That was my dangerous road, and there's many more who travel it every day. I hope to see you on this end soon.
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